Editor's note: A female believer called S for short is the wife of a pastor who passed away unexpectedly. As her marriage was once on the verge of collapse, in desperation, she prayed to God no less than 20 times a day. Though with an attitude of exclusion, she fell in love with her husband again. Now she serves God full time after she was healed by God from the sudden death of her husband.
The following is her story.
Lack of communication with deepening misunderstandings
S and her husband met in the workplace and got married after falling in love, but without much communication. After half a year of marriage, her husband studied in a Chinese medicine school for three years. Later, her husband became a believer, studying theology in his spare time. He was getting busier and busier, as he evangelized during his off hours and rest days.
S felt that she was not valued, for the pastor spent most of his time and energy on the church and believers. She also felt very aggrieved as she thought that he was too strict with her and the children plus without proper communication with them for a long time.
Often quarreling with her husband, she was unsure of his love without a sense of security, even if he said he loved her.
Once S said in a fit of resentment, "God and me, you should choose one."
The pastor replied, "I choose both because I love both."
S said decisively, "No! Only one can be chosen."
The straightforward pastor was frustrated that his faith prevented him from making the choice to deny God, so he had to answer, "Then I choose God."
Being an unbeliever at that time, she suffered mental breakdowns, thinking he did not love her as he chose God.
Cry out and pray in times of despair
With extreme pain, she thought of divorce, but after all, her husband hadn’t done anything wrong to her. With affection towards her husband, she couldn't stand that he was busy preaching the gospel every day with respect and love from believers, but then speaking coldly at home, sometimes without saying a single word.
When there was no way out, she thought she could pray. She called on the Lord no less than 20 times a day, saying one or two or a few sentences each time.
Touched by the Lord after many prayers, she began to feel the presence of God and His love. Nourished by the love of the Lord, she no longer worried about whether her husband loved her or not, believing in the Lord after praying for half a year.
Guided by the Holy Spirit, S learn to change
Having been comforted through prayer, S began to change herself, as she had been in conflict with her husband for a long time without communication. She tried to say "I love you" to her husband with an apology, finding the good qualities in her husband to accept him.
She was asked, "How did you come up with the idea? Who did you learn these methods from? What book did you read or what class did you take?"
Her answer was surprising. "I learned it through prayer rather than from others. I rarely read books because of a lack of education. It was very difficult for me to read the Bible at first, as I could only read one chapter per hour. Then I gradually read seven or eight chapters in an hour. The Holy Spirit may lead me when I ask Him what I should do. I once fasted and prayed for marriage, and my husband asked why I didn’t eat and whether I was too angry to eat, as he didn’t know that I was fasting. Although I knew that I should not be angry when fasting, my husband's blunt attitude made me sad. I asked him, 'What should I do to make you happy?' And he said, 'You need me to become gentle, so do I.' After hearing this, I realized that I was too hard on him."
"I used to always criticize him that he kept repeating his bad habits over the years. I was often angry because of this, but I changed my way of speaking and attitude. If I gave him advice, I would use metaphors or jokes. For example, he often came out with water in his slippers after washing his feet, never using the foot washing towel or floor mats prepared beside him. I said, 'your feet are singing.' He went back to wipe it immediately after hearing it."
"In the past, he said that I spoke bitingly, but I blamed his fierce attitude. Reflecting on myself while reading the Bible, I realized that I liked to find fault with others, then I repented and asked God to remove the plank out of my eye. I used to think I was better than anyone, but after reading the Bible and praying, I began to see others as better than myself. Just like this, I changed a little bit. I originally prayed for my husband to love me again, but the Lord comforted and changed me first. I learned to love him, which brought about changes in our relationship."
Empathy and mutual confession
She shared, "The time we felt the closest to each other was a few months before my husband died. That year we participated in a couple camp activity, during which I was asked to talk about my own shortcomings. I said that I liked to speak ill of my husband behind his back. After hearing it, my husband felt humiliated. I also felt ashamed as I thought it was not good for him. The counselor asked me to describe my feelings with a picture. I said I felt like a wounded bird that fell into the water and was rescued, desolate, lonely, fearful, hesitant, and helpless. My husband was asked whether he knew my feeling like this, and he said never. I felt very sad after hearing my husband's answer, but on second thought, I thought my husband might feel the same way. I suddenly learned to put myself in his shoes. The amazing thing was that my husband had also realized his own problems and changed a lot.”
"He started responding to my expressions. I said 'I love you' to him every day, and he said the same words to me. Chatting and walking together, we would hug when going out or in the door. During that time, I felt very happy. The love sweeter than honey had completely healed me, helping me face the death of my husband," she added.
Facing the death of her husband, S relied on the Lord to be strong
The unexpected death of her husband was a huge blow to her.
"I prayed to God, saying, 'Why did you take him away? I originally planned to serve full-time with him.' He said, 'Do you serve me under certain conditions?' I asked again, 'My husband is not here, so how can I serve you by myself with a son to support.' He said, 'My blessing to you exceeds your husband's life, so please wait.'... He comforted me personally."
"At that time I was the only one at home, for my son was in college. When I went out to other believers’ homes, they all said, 'You are alone, so stay for dinner.' During that time, I almost ate at other Christians’ homes, taken care of by them. My son also thought more deeply about faith after his father died. The Lord helped him overcome his grief and clear up the previous misunderstanding about his father. He began to realize that it was not easy for his father to ride a bicycle to the countryside to preach the gospel to many people and establish many gathering sites starting from scratch. He felt that his father couldn’t do it without God."
Finding a good job after graduation, his son let S live together with him and her daughter-in-law, who are both filial and serve in the church in their spare time. Her grandchildren have received Christian education since childhood.
Enter into service after the tribulation
Because S experienced difficulties in marriage, many believers come to her for marriage counseling, as she can understand those in difficulties.
S said that it was the power and wisdom from God that helped her counsel others in their marriages. In counseling, she once met a couple who were going to divorce, using some words which were effective. But God worked when she sat down to pray for them. After being comforted when hearing the prayer, the wife repented with tears, apologizing to her husband. They were going to the civil affairs bureau for a divorce but later reconciled. S thought it was a gift from God who comforted her and let her comfort those in all kinds of trouble.
Someone recommended her to lead the group meeting, and she did not refuse. During the epidemic, she learned to surf the Internet to help believers online, becoming a servant of God after the death of her husband.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
笔者按：糖姊妹是一位过世牧师的妻子，作为师母，她与牧师的婚姻曾经走向破裂。在绝望当中，她每日不下20次地呼求主，之后他们的婚姻被上帝扭转，夫妻关系由互相排斥到甜蜜相爱。后来牧师意外离世，经历打击的糖姊妹靠着上帝的安慰和慈爱走出来。最后也被祂带入全职事奉的行列，成为真正的师母。
以下是糖姊妹的见证。
一，缺少沟通，误解渐深
糖姊妹与牧师是在职场工作中认识，并且恋爱结婚。虽然是恋爱结婚，但是糖姊妹表示他们之间的沟通并不多。结婚半年之后，丈夫就去中医学校接受了三年的学习。后来丈夫就信主了，还利用业余时间读神学。再往后，丈夫常常利用下班时间和休息日做传福音的工作。丈夫越来越忙。
由于牧师大部分时间和精力在教会和信徒身上，糖姊妹感受到不被重视，她还觉得牧师对自己和孩子过于严厉，加上两个人缺少沟通，时间久了，糖姊妹心里感到十分委屈。
糖姊妹在婚姻中越来越没有安全感，越来越不确信丈夫的爱，经常跟牧师吵架，即便牧师说他爱糖姊妹，糖姊妹也不相信。
一次糖姊妹(那时还没有信主)赌气让丈夫做选择：“上帝和老婆，你在中间选一个。”
牧师说：“我两个都选，因为我两个都爱。”
糖姊妹果断地说：“不行！只能选一个。”
直男牧师很无奈，信仰让他无法做出否认上帝的选择，他只好回答：“那我选上帝。”
糖姊妹听到这个回答，觉得天要塌下来了，十分痛苦，她的理解是丈夫选择上帝就是承认了不爱自己。她觉得自己找了一个不爱自己的丈夫，多么可悲！她的情绪几度崩溃。
二，绝望之时呼求祷告
痛苦到极点，糖姊妹想到要离婚，可是想想毕竟还是有点感情，丈夫也没有做出对不起自己的事情。但一想到丈夫每天忙着传福音，在外面是受人尊敬和爱戴的牧师；回到家却冷言冷语，甚至一句话都没有，她就受不了。无路可走的时候，糖姊妹想到了祷告。
就这样，糖姊妹每天不下20次地呼求主，祷告可能很短，一句两句或者几句。
在多次的呼求之下，糖姊妹奇迹般地被主触摸。她开始感受到上帝的同在，开始感受到上帝很爱她，开始不再纠结丈夫是不是爱自己，她开始被主的爱滋润。糖姊妹说祷告半年之后，她就信主了。
三，圣灵引导，学习改变
祷告得到安慰之后，糖姊妹开始想着改变自己。由于两个人在矛盾中长期没有沟通，已经到了互相排斥的程度。糖姊妹决定从沟通开始，她尝试跟丈夫说“我爱你”，尝试学习道歉，学习找丈夫的优点，认可丈夫。
对此，笔者问到“您怎么会想到要这么做？这些方法，您是跟谁学的呢？是看了什么书或者听了什么课吗？”
糖姊妹的回答让人很意外：“我没有跟人学，我是在祷告中学到的，我的文化水平低，很少看书，我刚开始读圣经也很困难，一个小时只能读一章。后来慢慢进步可以一个小时读七八章。所以是主教我的。我在祷告的时候问主，我该怎么做？圣灵就引导我，让我这样做。还记得我有一次为了婚姻禁食祷告，我丈夫不知道我禁食，就问我为什么不吃饭，是在生气吗？虽然我知道禁食不应该生气，但是想到丈夫生硬的态度，就很难过。我就质问他，‘我要怎么做你才开心？’他就说，‘你需要温柔，难道我不需要吗？’听了这句话，我意识到自己从前太刚硬的问题。”
“我以前总是爱指责他，他很多年的坏习惯说了很多次都不改。我也因此常常生气。那之后，我就改变说话方式和态度，我如果给他提建议就用比喻，或者玩笑来说。比如他洗完脚穿着拖鞋常常带着水出来，旁边准备的擦脚布和地垫他从来不用，踩的满地是水，或者踩出声音，我就会说，‘哎，你的脚在唱歌呀。’他就马上意识到了，马上回去擦。”
“以前他说我出口伤人，而我认为他态度很凶。后来我读经，反思自己，我意识到自己爱挑弟兄眼中的刺，就悔改求上帝先挪走我眼中的梁木。之前我觉得自己比谁都好，读经祷告之后开始学习看别人比自己强。就这样，一点点改变。我本来是想通过祷告得到丈夫的爱，结果是我先得到了主的安慰。主教我先改变，先去学习爱丈夫，由此也带来了我们夫妻关系的改变。”
四，换位思考，互相告白
“我们关系最亲密的一段时间其实是我老公去世前几个月。那一年我参加了一次夫妻营的活动，一个辅导环节是讲自己的缺点。我讲了之前喜欢在老公背后说坏话，老公听到后，觉得很没面子，我知道这样不造就他，我自己也很羞愧。辅导老师让我用一幅画形容自己的感受。我说，我感觉自己是一只受伤的小鸟，落在水里，被人救起来，凄凉，孤单，恐惧，彷徨又无助。他们就问我老公，你有想过你的妻子是这种感受吗？他说从来没有。我听了我老公的回答感到很悲哀，但是转念一想，我老公好像也是这样的感受吧。我突然学会换位思考了。奇妙的是我老公也意识到自己的问题了，他也有了很大改变。”
“他开始对我的表达有回应。因为我每天跟他说‘我爱你’，他也会跟我说‘我爱你’，我们会一起聊天，一起散步，然后我们每天出门进门都会拥抱。那段时间我觉得自己很幸福，比恋爱还甜蜜，我觉得我得到了全然的医治。也是因为这一段时间的医治，让我可以面对老公的离世。”
五，丈夫离世，靠主刚强
丈夫的意外去世对糖姊妹是个巨大的打击。
“我祷告神说：‘你为什么带他走？我本来计划要跟老公一起全职服事的。’祂说：‘你服事我，还要带条件吗？’我又问：‘我老公不在了，我一个人怎么办？我什么都没有，还有儿子要养。’祂说：‘我给你的祝福超过你老公的生命，你等我的祝福。’……祂亲自安慰了我。”
“我的儿子那时候在读大学，那段时间家里只有我一个人，我老公走后，我只要走出去，就有弟兄姐妹留我吃饭。他们都说：‘你一个人，不要走了，留下吃饭吧。’那段时间我几乎是吃百家饭，得到很多弟兄姐妹的照顾。儿子也是在爸爸去世后对信仰有了更深刻的思考。在主的帮助下，他很奇妙地化解了悲伤，也消除了从前对爸爸的误解。他开始体会爸爸从前骑自行车去乡下传福音的不易，从零开始到后来很多聚会点的建立，很多人信主。他觉得没有上帝是无法做到的。”
糖姊妹的儿子毕业后找到了不错的工作，儿子儿媳都非常孝顺，接糖姊妹一起生活，工作之余都尽力参与教会服事，孙子们也从小接受真理的教育。
六，患难之后，进入服事
因为在婚姻中经历过艰难，就更能体会同样在难处中的弟兄姐妹。后来很多弟兄姐妹主动来找她做婚姻辅导的工作。
糖姊妹说能够辅导别人的婚姻，都是上帝的能力和智慧。在辅导中曾经遇到一对要离婚的夫妻，她试过用人的方法劝勉，但是没有效果，而当她安静下来为他们祷告的时候，上帝就工作。姐妹听到祷告就得到安慰，就流泪悔改，向丈夫道歉，本来是要去民政局离婚的，后来和好了。糖姊妹认为这是上帝给她的恩赐，糖姊妹用祂所赐的安慰去安慰那遭各样患难的人。
有人听说她是师母，就推荐她带领小组聚会，她并不推辞。疫情期间，她特地学习了上网，常常在网络上帮助弟兄姐妹。糖姊妹在牧师去世后成为了真正的师母。
https://christiantimes.cn/news/37362/%E6%95%85%E4%BA%8B%7C%20%E4%B8%80%E4%BD%8D%E5%B8%88%E6%AF%8D%E7%9A%84%E6%88%90%E9%95%BF%E4%B9%8B%E8%B7%AF%EF%BC%9A%E5%A9%9A%E5%A7%BB%E6%BF%92%E4%B8%B4%E7%A0%B4%E8%A3%82%E4%B9%8B%E6%97%B6%E8%BD%AC%E5%90%91%E4%B8%8A%E5%B8%9D%EF%BC%9B%E4%B8%88%E5%A4%AB%E6%84%8F%E5%A4%96%E7%A6%BB%E4%B8%96%E4%B9%8B%E5%90%8E%E8%B5%B0%E5%90%91%E5%85%A8%E8%81%8C%E6%9C%8D%E4%BA%8B
故事| 一位师母的成长之路：婚姻濒临破裂之时转向上帝；丈夫意外离世之后走向全职服事
Editor's note: A female believer called S for short is the wife of a pastor who passed away unexpectedly. As her marriage was once on the verge of collapse, in desperation, she prayed to God no less than 20 times a day. Though with an attitude of exclusion, she fell in love with her husband again. Now she serves God full time after she was healed by God from the sudden death of her husband.
The following is her story.
Lack of communication with deepening misunderstandings
S and her husband met in the workplace and got married after falling in love, but without much communication. After half a year of marriage, her husband studied in a Chinese medicine school for three years. Later, her husband became a believer, studying theology in his spare time. He was getting busier and busier, as he evangelized during his off hours and rest days.
S felt that she was not valued, for the pastor spent most of his time and energy on the church and believers. She also felt very aggrieved as she thought that he was too strict with her and the children plus without proper communication with them for a long time.
Often quarreling with her husband, she was unsure of his love without a sense of security, even if he said he loved her.
Once S said in a fit of resentment, "God and me, you should choose one."
The pastor replied, "I choose both because I love both."
S said decisively, "No! Only one can be chosen."
The straightforward pastor was frustrated that his faith prevented him from making the choice to deny God, so he had to answer, "Then I choose God."
Being an unbeliever at that time, she suffered mental breakdowns, thinking he did not love her as he chose God.
Cry out and pray in times of despair
With extreme pain, she thought of divorce, but after all, her husband hadn’t done anything wrong to her. With affection towards her husband, she couldn't stand that he was busy preaching the gospel every day with respect and love from believers, but then speaking coldly at home, sometimes without saying a single word.
When there was no way out, she thought she could pray. She called on the Lord no less than 20 times a day, saying one or two or a few sentences each time.
Touched by the Lord after many prayers, she began to feel the presence of God and His love. Nourished by the love of the Lord, she no longer worried about whether her husband loved her or not, believing in the Lord after praying for half a year.
Guided by the Holy Spirit, S learn to change
Having been comforted through prayer, S began to change herself, as she had been in conflict with her husband for a long time without communication. She tried to say "I love you" to her husband with an apology, finding the good qualities in her husband to accept him.
She was asked, "How did you come up with the idea? Who did you learn these methods from? What book did you read or what class did you take?"
Her answer was surprising. "I learned it through prayer rather than from others. I rarely read books because of a lack of education. It was very difficult for me to read the Bible at first, as I could only read one chapter per hour. Then I gradually read seven or eight chapters in an hour. The Holy Spirit may lead me when I ask Him what I should do. I once fasted and prayed for marriage, and my husband asked why I didn’t eat and whether I was too angry to eat, as he didn’t know that I was fasting. Although I knew that I should not be angry when fasting, my husband's blunt attitude made me sad. I asked him, 'What should I do to make you happy?' And he said, 'You need me to become gentle, so do I.' After hearing this, I realized that I was too hard on him."
"I used to always criticize him that he kept repeating his bad habits over the years. I was often angry because of this, but I changed my way of speaking and attitude. If I gave him advice, I would use metaphors or jokes. For example, he often came out with water in his slippers after washing his feet, never using the foot washing towel or floor mats prepared beside him. I said, 'your feet are singing.' He went back to wipe it immediately after hearing it."
"In the past, he said that I spoke bitingly, but I blamed his fierce attitude. Reflecting on myself while reading the Bible, I realized that I liked to find fault with others, then I repented and asked God to remove the plank out of my eye. I used to think I was better than anyone, but after reading the Bible and praying, I began to see others as better than myself. Just like this, I changed a little bit. I originally prayed for my husband to love me again, but the Lord comforted and changed me first. I learned to love him, which brought about changes in our relationship."
Empathy and mutual confession
She shared, "The time we felt the closest to each other was a few months before my husband died. That year we participated in a couple camp activity, during which I was asked to talk about my own shortcomings. I said that I liked to speak ill of my husband behind his back. After hearing it, my husband felt humiliated. I also felt ashamed as I thought it was not good for him. The counselor asked me to describe my feelings with a picture. I said I felt like a wounded bird that fell into the water and was rescued, desolate, lonely, fearful, hesitant, and helpless. My husband was asked whether he knew my feeling like this, and he said never. I felt very sad after hearing my husband's answer, but on second thought, I thought my husband might feel the same way. I suddenly learned to put myself in his shoes. The amazing thing was that my husband had also realized his own problems and changed a lot.”
"He started responding to my expressions. I said 'I love you' to him every day, and he said the same words to me. Chatting and walking together, we would hug when going out or in the door. During that time, I felt very happy. The love sweeter than honey had completely healed me, helping me face the death of my husband," she added.
Facing the death of her husband, S relied on the Lord to be strong
The unexpected death of her husband was a huge blow to her.
"I prayed to God, saying, 'Why did you take him away? I originally planned to serve full-time with him.' He said, 'Do you serve me under certain conditions?' I asked again, 'My husband is not here, so how can I serve you by myself with a son to support.' He said, 'My blessing to you exceeds your husband's life, so please wait.'... He comforted me personally."
"At that time I was the only one at home, for my son was in college. When I went out to other believers’ homes, they all said, 'You are alone, so stay for dinner.' During that time, I almost ate at other Christians’ homes, taken care of by them. My son also thought more deeply about faith after his father died. The Lord helped him overcome his grief and clear up the previous misunderstanding about his father. He began to realize that it was not easy for his father to ride a bicycle to the countryside to preach the gospel to many people and establish many gathering sites starting from scratch. He felt that his father couldn’t do it without God."
Finding a good job after graduation, his son let S live together with him and her daughter-in-law, who are both filial and serve in the church in their spare time. Her grandchildren have received Christian education since childhood.
Enter into service after the tribulation
Because S experienced difficulties in marriage, many believers come to her for marriage counseling, as she can understand those in difficulties.
S said that it was the power and wisdom from God that helped her counsel others in their marriages. In counseling, she once met a couple who were going to divorce, using some words which were effective. But God worked when she sat down to pray for them. After being comforted when hearing the prayer, the wife repented with tears, apologizing to her husband. They were going to the civil affairs bureau for a divorce but later reconciled. S thought it was a gift from God who comforted her and let her comfort those in all kinds of trouble.
Someone recommended her to lead the group meeting, and she did not refuse. During the epidemic, she learned to surf the Internet to help believers online, becoming a servant of God after the death of her husband.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
Story of Serving God Full Time After Husband's Death
