Zhang Kuakua is a millennial young woman who had been a workaholic and constantly neglected symptoms in her body. On her 27th birthday, she was admitted to the ICU due to respiratory failure, intracranial hemorrhage, and sepsis caused by chemotherapy. Doctors repeatedly advised her family to prepare for the worst.
After ten days of intensive ICU care, she had become the first patient to survive such a critical condition at her hospital in nearly two decades. Her whole treatment lasted two and a half years in which she went through four rounds of intense chemotherapy, and eight rounds of maintenance therapy; a clinical remission was achieved on her in five years.
The accounts of how she escaped death, rebuilt a new life and regained hope were written in her book Journey of Rebirth – Five Years of a Leukemia Patient (the official English title of the book is not available, translator’s note).
Encountering God in the Valley of Death
Her parents became Christians when she was in high school and often preached the gospel to her. She used to argue with them, believing there was no God, and resisted their faith. In 2017, after she fell ill, her parents invited pastors to her bedside to pray for her.
In the valley of death, God granted her a second life. After 45 days of hospitalization, she finally returned home. During her maintenance treatment in 2018, she resumed work in Changsha. The business partner, whom she had met only once, was a Christian. After learning about her situation her business partner persuaded her multiple times to visit a church.
At the church, the partner told a pastor, “My friend has a very serious illness and might be dying. She wants to learn about the gospel.” At once, she corrected the partner, “I have a very serious illness, but I’m not particularly afraid of death. I find living quite painful instead.”
Before her illness, her career was coming to an end; her boyfriend of seven years broke up with her; and her relationship with her mother became strained. The issues often made her doubt herself. Therefore, she believed that living was rather painful and troublesome.
“I also didn’t get along well with my mother either,” the pastor laughed and said, “A relationship with someone doesn’t change immediately after one becomes a Christian. It can be a lengthy process. If one day your relationship changes, it’s not because God has changed your mother but you.”
She was surprised to hear that because she expected the pastor would say something like believing in God would immediately solve all problems. Upon hearing such comments, she felt that this God was special and wanted to know God.
Since then, she regularly attended the seekers’ program and gained an accurate understanding of basic Christian teachings. In God, she found answers to her faith-related confusions and with new perspectives saw her own problems in tense relationships. About a year and a half later, in October 2019, she was baptized and formally became a Christian, twelve years after her parents first shared the gospel with her.
Rethinking Illness – Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Looking back on those five years, she believes that illness is not necessarily a bad thing. “Through illness, my pride and stubbornness were turned upside down; through illness, God renewed my life, my views of myself, my parents, my boyfriend, the workplace, and death; through illness, I became a better person, someone who aligns more with God’s will.”
She was often self-doubting, anxious, felt inadequate, and cared too much about others’ opinions of her. Now, she is convinced that she is loved by God and worthy of love and God’s love never changes. Her faith has given her a clearer and firmer understanding of herself.
As she wrote in her book, “I have transformed from an insecure, tense, and picky female warrior into a relatively confident, happy, and tender woman, discarding false goals and becoming someone who knows how to accompany others and is willing to give.”
She says that true peace and joy do not mean that our lives are smooth voyages and nothing bad will happen. Life is like a ship sailing on the sea, which will potentially encounter storms and reefs. Perhaps these storms and reefs will not be completely removed, but God’s grace is sufficient for us. Because of God’s grace, the ship’s waterline is high enough that these reefs do not affect its normal progress, and so we remain in peace.
Doing Concrete Things and Loving Specific People
In 2022, she decided to take a break from work and explore a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle.
During her time off, she implemented “A Plan to Reclaim My Life”: wander in parks to daydream and observe changing lights and shadows; meet past friends and make the promise of “let’s meet another time” true; learn to cook her favorite foods herself, striving for balanced nutrition; try various sports activities like flying discs, paddle boarding, and Zumba; and read many good books. Also, it was during the practice of her plan that she completed her book mentioned above.
Over the five years, she successively experienced the loss of several relatives; and the Holy Spirit prompted her to visit seriously ill children, spiritually accompany friends whose elders were dying, and even assist in organizing funerals.
“After visiting many patients many times, I can better understand and empathize with their situations. I know that abnormal behavior in patients may be caused by changes in physical conditions, and I know how to quickly find more medical resources.” The pain she experienced became the cornerstone for her to find meaning in life and accept herself, and also a valuable experience for her to comfort and help others.
She believes that the significance of her second chance at life is to no longer only think about “me” but to see the needs of others. “I am determined to become a supporter and companion rather than a selfish taker, demander, or contender. Do concrete things and love specific people. Even if my strength is small, before time is completely taken away, I have fought the good fight and run the race to the end.”
She also says that everyone is weak, and people’s patience, faith, and ability are often limited. The things one can do for others may be trivial. However, these small things can also impact others and support them through difficult times.
Being a Whistleblower and Witnessing God’s Love
She says that in a sense, she is a whistleblower: people can die young and life is not indefinitely long; cherish those who are close to you; and think about death in advance as it is not the end, but how one lives before death is more important.
She has returned to the workplace as the marketing director of a well-known consumer brand in Changsha. “I originally only wanted to start a new life and not keep mentioning my illness. However, God healed me and I want to testify for God, witnessing His miracles. It can also be considered as pre-work of evangelism, hoping that more people will hear the gospel and accept that unconditional and unchanging love of God.”
She believes that many young people today are in a great sense of loss. They think they will make a difference after graduating, but after entering society, they will find reality unexpected. Many of them fall into depression and nothingness. Therefore, she wrote a second book on the theme “When I can’t be the ideal version of myself, is my ordinary life still worth living?” which has been completed.
- Edited by Katherine Guo, translated by Charlie Li
张夸夸是一个90后女孩，工作很拼，忽略了自己身体持续发出的信号。27岁生日时，她因化疗引发呼吸衰竭、颅内出血、败血症，被送进中心ICU抢救，医生多次建议她的家人准备后事。
在中心ICU抢救十天后，她成为所在医院近二十年来第一个同类型情况下抢救存活的特别案例。治疗花了两年半的时间，其间包括四次大化疗、八轮维持治疗，五年实现临床意义上的治愈。她把这段死里逃生、重建生活、重拾盼望的心路历程写成了《重生之旅——白血病女孩的五年》一书。
#死荫幽谷中与神相遇
在她读高中时，她的父母就信主了，从那时起父母就经常给她传福音。她常常跟父母争辩，认为没有神，对信仰比较抗拒。2017年，在她生病之后，前前后后有多名牧者因着父母的缘故来到床边为她按手祷告。
在死荫幽谷中，神给了她第二次生命。住院治疗45天之后，她终于活着踏上了回家的路。2018年维持治疗期间，她回到长沙重新开始工作。仅跟她有一面之缘的合作方是基督徒，知道她的情况后，多次劝说她跟着自己去教会。
到了教会之后，那位朋友对传道人说：“我这位朋友生了特别严重的病，可能快死了，她想来了解福音。”她就纠正那位朋友说：“我是生了很严重的病，但是我没有特别怕死，我觉得活着挺痛苦的。”
生病之前，她的职业遇到了天花板，相恋七年的男友也分手了，和妈妈关系比较紧张，她常常陷入自我怀疑。因此，她认为活着反而很痛苦很麻烦。
传道人笑着说：“好巧，我跟我妈妈关系也不怎么融洽。”传道人还说，“和一个人的关系不是信主之后就可以立刻翻转的，可能会是个漫长的过程。如果有一天你们的关系发生了变化，不是神改变了你妈妈，而是神改变了你。”
她当时很震惊，她以为传道人会说，只要信了主，什么就都好了，效果立竿见影。听到传道人的回答，她觉得这位神很特别，开始想去认识神。
此后她开始规律地参加慕道班，对基本教义有了准确的认识，信仰中的困惑在神里面得到了答案，尤其是在紧张的关系里用新的眼光看到自己的问题所在。大概一年多以后的2019年10月，她正式受洗成为基督徒，而这距离父母第一次给她传福音已经过去了12年。
#重新看待生病，不是一件绝对的坏事
五年结束，再回首，她认为生病不是一件绝对的坏事。“借着生病，我的骄傲和刚硬被翻转过来；借着生病，神更新了我的生命，更新了我对自我的看法、对父母的看法、对恋人的看法、对职场的看法、对死亡的看法；借着生病，我变成了更好的人，这个好指的是更符合神的心意的样式的人。”
之前的她常常自我怀疑，很容易焦虑，觉得自己不够优秀，很在意他人对自己的评价。而现在，她确信自己是被神爱着的，是值得被爱的，神的爱永远不改变。信仰让她对自我的认知变得更清晰更坚定。
就如她在书中所说：“我从一个自卑、紧绷、爱挑刺的女斗士变成了一个相对自信、快乐、柔软的小姑娘，扔掉了虚妄的目标，变成了懂得陪伴、愿意付出的人。”
她说，真正的平安喜乐并不是说我们的人生一帆风顺，什么坏事都不会发生。人生犹如一艘船在大海里面航行，有可能会遇到风浪和礁石，也许这些风浪和礁石不会完全被挪去，但神的恩典够我们用。因着神的恩典，船的水平面足够高，这些礁石不会影响船的正常前进，我们依然是平安的。
#做具体的事，爱具体的人
2022年，她决定暂停工作，试图探索出一种更健康、更可持续的生活方式。
辞职后的日子，她践行了“夺回生活计划”：逛公园，发呆，看光影变化；去见久别的朋友,“下次约”不再空泛虚假；爱吃的食物慢慢学着自己去做，尽量营养均衡；尝试了飞盘、浆板、尊巴等多样性运动；读了很多好书。也是在这段时间，写完了文章开头提到的那本书。
五年间，她相继经历了几位亲人的离世，圣灵也感动她去探访病重的小朋友，在精神上陪伴长辈垂危的朋友，甚至协助举办丧礼。
“经过很多次对病人的探访，我更能理解和共情他们的状况，我知道了病人表现异常可能是身体指标变化所致，我知道了怎么快速找到更多医疗资源。”正是她经历的那些苦痛，最后成为了她寻找人生意义、接纳自我的阶石，也成为她抚慰他人、帮助他人的可贵经验。
她认为自己第二次活下来的意义，是不再永远只想着“我”，是看见他人的需要。“我决心成为一个支持者、陪伴者，而不是一心只有自己的攫取者、索求者、争夺者。做具体的事，爱具体的人。哪怕力量微小，但在时间被全部没收之前，那美好的仗我已经打过了，该跑的路我也已经跑尽了。”
她也说到，每个人都是软弱的，耐心、信心、能力也常常是有限的，能为他人做的事，可能也都是极小的事。不过这些小事也可能影响他人，支撑他走过艰难的时刻。
#做一名吹哨人，见证神的爱
她说，在某种意义上，自己是一个吹哨人，提醒大家年轻人也会死，一生并不是遥遥无期；提醒大家珍惜身边的人；提醒大家提前思考死亡，死亡不是结束，在死之前如何去活才是更重要的事情。
现在的她已经重返职场，是长沙一知名消费品牌的市场营销负责人。“原来只想开始新生活，不想反复提及自己生病的经历，但是主带领医治了我，我要为神见证，见证祂奇妙的作为，也可以说是福音的预工，希望更多人听到福音，接纳那无条件永远不改变的爱。”
她认为现在很多年轻人在一种巨大的失落当中，以为毕业进入社会以后会有一番作为，但最后发现现实并不是这样，很多人陷入抑郁跟虚无之中。所以，她以“当我不能成为理想中的自己了，我的普通人的一生还值不值得过下去”为主题写了第二本书，目前已经完稿。
【专访】走出幽谷，焕然新生——白血病女孩的重生之旅
Zhang Kuakua is a millennial young woman who had been a workaholic and constantly neglected symptoms in her body. On her 27th birthday, she was admitted to the ICU due to respiratory failure, intracranial hemorrhage, and sepsis caused by chemotherapy. Doctors repeatedly advised her family to prepare for the worst.
After ten days of intensive ICU care, she had become the first patient to survive such a critical condition at her hospital in nearly two decades. Her whole treatment lasted two and a half years in which she went through four rounds of intense chemotherapy, and eight rounds of maintenance therapy; a clinical remission was achieved on her in five years.
The accounts of how she escaped death, rebuilt a new life and regained hope were written in her book Journey of Rebirth – Five Years of a Leukemia Patient (the official English title of the book is not available, translator’s note).
Encountering God in the Valley of Death
Her parents became Christians when she was in high school and often preached the gospel to her. She used to argue with them, believing there was no God, and resisted their faith. In 2017, after she fell ill, her parents invited pastors to her bedside to pray for her.
In the valley of death, God granted her a second life. After 45 days of hospitalization, she finally returned home. During her maintenance treatment in 2018, she resumed work in Changsha. The business partner, whom she had met only once, was a Christian. After learning about her situation her business partner persuaded her multiple times to visit a church.
At the church, the partner told a pastor, “My friend has a very serious illness and might be dying. She wants to learn about the gospel.” At once, she corrected the partner, “I have a very serious illness, but I’m not particularly afraid of death. I find living quite painful instead.”
Before her illness, her career was coming to an end; her boyfriend of seven years broke up with her; and her relationship with her mother became strained. The issues often made her doubt herself. Therefore, she believed that living was rather painful and troublesome.
“I also didn’t get along well with my mother either,” the pastor laughed and said, “A relationship with someone doesn’t change immediately after one becomes a Christian. It can be a lengthy process. If one day your relationship changes, it’s not because God has changed your mother but you.”
She was surprised to hear that because she expected the pastor would say something like believing in God would immediately solve all problems. Upon hearing such comments, she felt that this God was special and wanted to know God.
Since then, she regularly attended the seekers’ program and gained an accurate understanding of basic Christian teachings. In God, she found answers to her faith-related confusions and with new perspectives saw her own problems in tense relationships. About a year and a half later, in October 2019, she was baptized and formally became a Christian, twelve years after her parents first shared the gospel with her.
Rethinking Illness – Not Necessarily a Bad Thing
Looking back on those five years, she believes that illness is not necessarily a bad thing. “Through illness, my pride and stubbornness were turned upside down; through illness, God renewed my life, my views of myself, my parents, my boyfriend, the workplace, and death; through illness, I became a better person, someone who aligns more with God’s will.”
She was often self-doubting, anxious, felt inadequate, and cared too much about others’ opinions of her. Now, she is convinced that she is loved by God and worthy of love and God’s love never changes. Her faith has given her a clearer and firmer understanding of herself.
As she wrote in her book, “I have transformed from an insecure, tense, and picky female warrior into a relatively confident, happy, and tender woman, discarding false goals and becoming someone who knows how to accompany others and is willing to give.”
She says that true peace and joy do not mean that our lives are smooth voyages and nothing bad will happen. Life is like a ship sailing on the sea, which will potentially encounter storms and reefs. Perhaps these storms and reefs will not be completely removed, but God’s grace is sufficient for us. Because of God’s grace, the ship’s waterline is high enough that these reefs do not affect its normal progress, and so we remain in peace.
Doing Concrete Things and Loving Specific People
In 2022, she decided to take a break from work and explore a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle.
During her time off, she implemented “A Plan to Reclaim My Life”: wander in parks to daydream and observe changing lights and shadows; meet past friends and make the promise of “let’s meet another time” true; learn to cook her favorite foods herself, striving for balanced nutrition; try various sports activities like flying discs, paddle boarding, and Zumba; and read many good books. Also, it was during the practice of her plan that she completed her book mentioned above.
Over the five years, she successively experienced the loss of several relatives; and the Holy Spirit prompted her to visit seriously ill children, spiritually accompany friends whose elders were dying, and even assist in organizing funerals.
“After visiting many patients many times, I can better understand and empathize with their situations. I know that abnormal behavior in patients may be caused by changes in physical conditions, and I know how to quickly find more medical resources.” The pain she experienced became the cornerstone for her to find meaning in life and accept herself, and also a valuable experience for her to comfort and help others.
She believes that the significance of her second chance at life is to no longer only think about “me” but to see the needs of others. “I am determined to become a supporter and companion rather than a selfish taker, demander, or contender. Do concrete things and love specific people. Even if my strength is small, before time is completely taken away, I have fought the good fight and run the race to the end.”
She also says that everyone is weak, and people’s patience, faith, and ability are often limited. The things one can do for others may be trivial. However, these small things can also impact others and support them through difficult times.
Being a Whistleblower and Witnessing God’s Love
She says that in a sense, she is a whistleblower: people can die young and life is not indefinitely long; cherish those who are close to you; and think about death in advance as it is not the end, but how one lives before death is more important.
She has returned to the workplace as the marketing director of a well-known consumer brand in Changsha. “I originally only wanted to start a new life and not keep mentioning my illness. However, God healed me and I want to testify for God, witnessing His miracles. It can also be considered as pre-work of evangelism, hoping that more people will hear the gospel and accept that unconditional and unchanging love of God.”
She believes that many young people today are in a great sense of loss. They think they will make a difference after graduating, but after entering society, they will find reality unexpected. Many of them fall into depression and nothingness. Therefore, she wrote a second book on the theme “When I can’t be the ideal version of myself, is my ordinary life still worth living?” which has been completed.
- Edited by Katherine Guo, translated by Charlie Li
From Valley of Death to New Life – A Young Leukemia Patient’s Rebirth
