The peonies are blooming, and they are absolutely beautiful! I was once trapped in the whirlwind of vanity and materialistic greed; I simply did not have the heart to enjoy these...
Early in the morning, I walked into the garden. The peonies were blooming, and I could not resist turning on my phone camera to capture the beauty of the moment, followed by a commentary that I sent to a close friend.
Over a decade ago, I was wrapped up in my desire for material wealth, following the example of those around me who kept grabbing for visible benefits and wealth. At the same time, the tensions in my relationships with people brought about by the competition left me deeply exhausted, both mentally and physically!
At that time, everything in the universe was not unattractive; I simply did not have the heart to experience its beauty.
During a chat with a classmate, I heard about Jesus Christ, the divine and human Saviour, who is said to be able to help people out of all their miseries. I began learning about Him out of curiosity. A year after I became a believer, I was officially baptized.
As I began to grow in my faith, I began to pray in my heart, "Lord, please get me out of my overwhelming work environment!" In the third year after my baptism, God literally rescued me from a work environment that felt like hard labor, just as He had rescued the Israelites from Egypt.
I developed an anxiety disorder because I overstretched my body. Insomnia and shortness of breath prevented me from going to work, and I had to take leave. After praying with me, my lover, who had also embraced the faith, made a decision: to stop trading my health and all my joy for a high salary and overconsumption.
It was only after I resigned from my job that I realized that I was on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown with my white-collar glamor! For the next three to four years, I relied on sleeping pills to sleep.
Especially when I first quit my job, I was very frustrated. I could not accept the fact that I had gone from being a round-the-clock white-collar worker to a person who was less capable. At this point, I had to dive headfirst into the Bible: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." It was amazing how His words gradually dispelled my confusion and fear and made me feel so at ease and at peace.
At the same time, through the light of the Lord, I saw more and more the sinful nature of greed in me. I had to rely on the Lord's substitutionary atonement in order to be forgiven by God and reconciled with Him. Only His truth can also help me be free from the bondage of material desires and enjoy the freedom of my soul.
Gradually, those people and things that I had resented were wonderfully let go in the Lord's love. I thought that, as the Lord had forgiven my sins, I was also willing to forgive the sins of others. Even many deeply buried hurts in my heart, such as complaints about the lack of parental companionship in my childhood and cynicism between my peers and superiors in my workplace, have all disappeared in the light of the Lord.
However, as I was still too weak to work, I could only be a spectator for a long time, watching many people still rushing forward in the torrent. I know that there is no end to that torrent, and it would not really bring the ultimate satisfaction and pleasure. I hope that they too will turn back.
Thank God! I used to be insecure and seek security in money; after all, money is a form of security. After I met the Lord Jesus, His words released me from this endless worrying. He feeds the birds of the air, and He sees me as much more valuable than a bird, so He will feed me!
My understanding of the meaning of work has also changed. Work is the use of God-given gifts to serve others and, in doing so, to provide for parents, nurture children, and supply my own physical needs. It is no longer a goal, let alone a dominion, but a blessing from God.
It has been nine years since I stopped taking my medication, and those long sleepless nights are almost forgotten. It was the Lord who healed me, and He dispelled the clouds of sorrow in my heart through the Word. Now I am not only able to work again, but I also write poems, take photographs, and share my thoughts with friends outside of work.
"I think I find it pleasing and beautiful, so I will share it with you and ask the Lord to put the praise and peace that are in my heart into yours as well; may His grace be full in you and you be able to trust in the Lord Jesus and enjoy great blessings together." I sent this message to a close friend.
"Thank you! Work hard together! Live your life the way you want with God's guidance and help," she replied.
- Translated by Nonye Nancy
牡丹花开啦，美不胜收！但曾经的我，只是身处浮华漩涡、物欲贪婪之中的我，根本没有心力去感受这些……
清早，我走进公园。牡丹花开啦，我忍不住打开手机镜头拍下这良辰美景，随后配上解说，发给一位好友。
十几年前，我挟裹在物欲横流中，学着周围人的样子不停地抓取可见的利益、财富。同时由争竞带来的各种关系上的紧张又让我深深厌倦，身心俱疲！
那时的天地万物不是不美，根本没有心力去感受这些。
在一次跟同学闲谈中，听到了耶稣基督，据说这位又是神又是人的救主能帮助人脱离一切困苦。我带着几分好奇开始了学习。信主一年后，我正式受洗。
随着信仰生命的成长，我开始在心里祈求，主啊，求你让我从不堪重负的工作环境里出来吧！受洗后第三年，上帝真的像拯救以色列人出埃及一样把我从如服苦役般的工作环境里救了出来。
起因是我因为身体过度透支，患上了焦虑症。夜夜失眠、心跳气喘让我无法上班，不得不请假在家。同样接受了信仰的爱人在和我一起祷告后，做出了决定——不再用自己的健康和所有喜乐去换取高工资高消费。
从单位辞职后才发现，原来顶着白领光环的我早已身心都濒临崩溃的边缘！此后长达三、四年的时间里，我过着依靠服用安眠药才能睡觉的日子。
尤其是刚辞职的时候，非常地失落。因为无法接受自己从一个连轴转的白领变成一个一切皆力不从心的人这一事实。这个时候，自己只能一头扎进圣经里。“应当一无挂虑，只要凡事借着祷告、祈求和感谢，将你们所要的告诉上帝”。非常奇妙，祂的话语渐渐驱散我的迷茫、恐惧，让我感到那么安心、平稳。
同时，蒙主的光照，我更加看到自己身上贪婪的罪性，必须依靠主那替代性的救赎才能被上帝赦免，与上帝和好。也只有祂的真道才能帮助我脱离物欲的捆绑束缚，享受灵魂的自由。
渐渐地，那些曾经怨恨过的人和事也奇妙地在主的爱里放下了。因为我想主既然饶恕了我的罪，我也愿意宽恕别人的罪。甚至很多深埋在心里的伤害，如童年时期缺失父母陪伴的抱怨、职场生活中同级、上下级之间的嫉恨都在主的大光里冰消雪释了。
不过，由于身体依然虚弱，无法工作，很长一段时间我只能作一个旁观者，看着很多人仍然在洪流之中往前奔。我知道那道洪流没有终点，也不会真的带给人最终的满足和愉悦。我盼望他们也能回头。
感谢上帝，以前自己常常缺乏安全感，追求金钱，毕竟金钱是一个保障。认识主耶稣以后，主的话把我从这种无休止地忧虑中释放出来。一只飞鸟祂都养活，祂看我比飞鸟贵重得多，他一定会养活我！
我对工作的意义的理解也发生了变化。工作是用上帝给的恩赐服侍别人，也借此奉养父母，保育孩子，供应自己肉身的需要。它不再成为目标，更不是辖制，而是神的祝福。
如今，我停药已经九年了，那些无眠的漫漫长夜几乎被我遗忘了。是主医治了我，祂借着圣道驱散我心里的愁云怅绪。现在我不仅恢复了工作的能力，还在工作之余写诗，摄影，跟朋友们交流所思所得。
“自己觉得喜欢，很美，就分享给你，求主把放在我心里的赞美和平安也放到你的里面，愿祂的恩典充充满满在你身上，能够信靠主耶稣，同享大福气。”我把这条信息发给好友。
“谢谢！一起努力！在上帝的指引和帮助下把生活过成自己想要的样子。”她回复我。
见证|我又见到那温暖的阳光——一个焦虑症患者的见证
The peonies are blooming, and they are absolutely beautiful! I was once trapped in the whirlwind of vanity and materialistic greed; I simply did not have the heart to enjoy these...
Early in the morning, I walked into the garden. The peonies were blooming, and I could not resist turning on my phone camera to capture the beauty of the moment, followed by a commentary that I sent to a close friend.
Over a decade ago, I was wrapped up in my desire for material wealth, following the example of those around me who kept grabbing for visible benefits and wealth. At the same time, the tensions in my relationships with people brought about by the competition left me deeply exhausted, both mentally and physically!
At that time, everything in the universe was not unattractive; I simply did not have the heart to experience its beauty.
During a chat with a classmate, I heard about Jesus Christ, the divine and human Saviour, who is said to be able to help people out of all their miseries. I began learning about Him out of curiosity. A year after I became a believer, I was officially baptized.
As I began to grow in my faith, I began to pray in my heart, "Lord, please get me out of my overwhelming work environment!" In the third year after my baptism, God literally rescued me from a work environment that felt like hard labor, just as He had rescued the Israelites from Egypt.
I developed an anxiety disorder because I overstretched my body. Insomnia and shortness of breath prevented me from going to work, and I had to take leave. After praying with me, my lover, who had also embraced the faith, made a decision: to stop trading my health and all my joy for a high salary and overconsumption.
It was only after I resigned from my job that I realized that I was on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown with my white-collar glamor! For the next three to four years, I relied on sleeping pills to sleep.
Especially when I first quit my job, I was very frustrated. I could not accept the fact that I had gone from being a round-the-clock white-collar worker to a person who was less capable. At this point, I had to dive headfirst into the Bible: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God." It was amazing how His words gradually dispelled my confusion and fear and made me feel so at ease and at peace.
At the same time, through the light of the Lord, I saw more and more the sinful nature of greed in me. I had to rely on the Lord's substitutionary atonement in order to be forgiven by God and reconciled with Him. Only His truth can also help me be free from the bondage of material desires and enjoy the freedom of my soul.
Gradually, those people and things that I had resented were wonderfully let go in the Lord's love. I thought that, as the Lord had forgiven my sins, I was also willing to forgive the sins of others. Even many deeply buried hurts in my heart, such as complaints about the lack of parental companionship in my childhood and cynicism between my peers and superiors in my workplace, have all disappeared in the light of the Lord.
However, as I was still too weak to work, I could only be a spectator for a long time, watching many people still rushing forward in the torrent. I know that there is no end to that torrent, and it would not really bring the ultimate satisfaction and pleasure. I hope that they too will turn back.
Thank God! I used to be insecure and seek security in money; after all, money is a form of security. After I met the Lord Jesus, His words released me from this endless worrying. He feeds the birds of the air, and He sees me as much more valuable than a bird, so He will feed me!
My understanding of the meaning of work has also changed. Work is the use of God-given gifts to serve others and, in doing so, to provide for parents, nurture children, and supply my own physical needs. It is no longer a goal, let alone a dominion, but a blessing from God.
It has been nine years since I stopped taking my medication, and those long sleepless nights are almost forgotten. It was the Lord who healed me, and He dispelled the clouds of sorrow in my heart through the Word. Now I am not only able to work again, but I also write poems, take photographs, and share my thoughts with friends outside of work.
"I think I find it pleasing and beautiful, so I will share it with you and ask the Lord to put the praise and peace that are in my heart into yours as well; may His grace be full in you and you be able to trust in the Lord Jesus and enjoy great blessings together." I sent this message to a close friend.
"Thank you! Work hard together! Live your life the way you want with God's guidance and help," she replied.
- Translated by Nonye Nancy
Testimony of Patient With Anxiety Disorder: 'I Saw the Warm Sunshine Again'
