In 1987, at the age of 18, I was one point away from the selected students' list in the gaokao, China's national college entrance exam. So I took an English class for self-study and exam preparation for students who prefer English as their higher education at the Jinling Institute of Technology. Our English teachers said that if we would like to take English as a major study, we should have some understanding of the religious culture of the UK and the US. Because of this, several of our classmates and I went to the St. Paul’s Church every Wednesday afternoon.
I still remember the first time I entered the church, I was in awe at the solemnity of the church. After listening to the pastor’s preaching, I felt comforted at the same time. What impressed me the most on that day was that there was a sister and her younger brother who were sitting in the final row of the pews, both of them looking a bit different. It was said that since the day they failed the gaokao exam, both of them had got dementia, one becoming taciturn, sullen, not interested in anything; the other one becoming radical, yelling at things and people around them easily without proper reasons.
The last time I saw them was the end of the semester before our holidays. When I went to the church with my classmates again, the pair of siblings were also sitting at the last pew. However, they were kneeling down at that time, each holding a Bible in their hand. They were silent, looking joyful.
I was wondering why they didn’t go to the doctors for healing. A female believer told me that it was because they were from a poor family, they could not afford the fee to consult the doctors. They came here to listen to the gospel. From hearing all of this, I was so astonished and grateful that God’s healing hands were really on them. From their story, I asked myself, “Is there really a wonderful God who is ruling over all of the things in the universe?”
Later, a female member of the church contacted me, inviting me to study more from the Bible. However, at that time, I focused on my work, pursuing fame, status, and promotion, so I gradually walked away from God. After I started my own little family, my husband betrayed me when I had been pregnant for just less than three months. With a strong personality, I decided to divorce with my husband, living alone with my child. Those days were difficult, though I could still continue without being defeated.
In September 2010, I had been in a low-grade fever with the trouble of sleeping and eating. Every morning when I brushed my teeth, my gums bled and I felt so weak. After my nine days of infusion therapy at the community clinic, I did not feel any better. The clinic advised me to receive deeper check-ups in bigger a hospital. When the results came out, the doctor did not tell me directly what illness I suffered.
I knew from my mother that I had got leukemia! If my therapy processed well, I could live several more years. But from my current health condition at the time, I was told I only had six more months to live.
Seeing I was depressed, the doctors asked my nurse who helped me with daily infusion therapy to send me to a psychologist after an infusion therapy session. Several days later, I went home since I was missing my child. On that day, I knelt down before the balcony which was located in the northern part of my house, with a thought flashing by, “God! Could you please save my life like how you saved the pair of siblings meanwhile at church?”
I kept silent, praying to God, "If you are a true God who really loves me, please heal my leukemia, as I will follow you forever!" After I had been praying for around half an hour, I heard a voice, “Child, you had suffered!” I felt comforted after crying. The next day when I returned to the hospital, I started to have an appetite to eat after the infusion therapy. At that moment, I suddenly had an idea, “God loves me so much that He must help me. I know that I must get better and better if I keep my appetite to eat.” Not very long after that, my health was getting better and better, which my doctor also found very strange.
After my 11 days of therapy at the hospital, I initiated the check-out procedure from the hospital. My doctor refused my request, asking me to finish a full body check-up. When the results came out, they showed that the range of my white blood cell counts had returned to normal. In a big surprise, my doctor asked me whether I was a Buddhist or not, and whether I had freed a captive or not. I just told them that I believe in Jesus, and my heavenly father had healed me. When I looked at my doctor’s diagnostic report, the wording was changed from “leukemia” to “suspected leukemia”!
On the day I walked out of the hospital, I just turned my eyes to the sky, filling up with joy, with tears running down my face. And I said to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you!”
- Translated by Jessie Cheong
1987年我18岁，因为高考差一分落榜，我来到了金陵职业大学英语专业高等教育自学考试辅导班学习。我们的英语老师说学习英语专业，就要去了解一下英美的宗教文化。于是，每个礼拜三下午，我们几个玩得来的同学们就相约一起去圣保罗教堂去。
记得第一次进教堂，教堂的庄严肃穆让我肃然起敬。听完牧师的证道，心里也得安慰。而这天给我留下最深刻的印象是坐在最后排的两个姐弟。她俩看上去神情有些不同，听说她们因为高考失败受不了打击，一个变成文疯子，一个变成武疯子……
最后一次看到她们是一学期后的放假前，我和同学再次来到教堂。那对姐弟依然在最后一排。只是这次是跪着的，一人手里拿着一本圣经在看，很安静，脸上很喜乐。
我好奇有病为什么不去看医生呢？阿姨说，因为家里穷，看不起病。她们也是听到福音才来的，这么看来，上帝大能的手真的医治了她们，很感恩。因为这事我在内心问自己：真的有一位这么神奇的上帝在掌管着整个宇宙万物吗？
后来，教会姊妹和我联络，希望我能更多的参与到圣经学习中。但因为那时候我一心扑在工作上，追求世上的名誉地位和职务的升迁，就渐渐远离了神。有了自己的小家后，怀孕不到三个月，发现前夫出轨。个性好强的我毅然决然提出了离婚，自己一个人带着孩子生活，日子过得难点，但不至于被生活打倒。
10年9月，我低烧不退，寝食难安。每天清晨刷牙，牙龈就出血，整个人很无力。在社区挂水9天不见好转，他们建议我去大医院做进一步检查和治疗。检查结果出来医生没有直接告诉我。
从母亲那里得知，医生说我被诊断为白血病！如果治疗得好，可以多活几年，目前来看，生命的存活率有可能在半年时间。、
医生发现我的情绪低落，就让护士每天给挂水后送我去医院的心理医生那里，进行疏导治疗。几天后，因为想念孩子回家呆了一天。跪在家中南边的阳台上，、然一个念头闪过：上帝啊，你可不可以像治疗那对姐弟一样来拯救我的生命呢？
于是我立刻安静下来祷告，甚至还说如果上帝真的爱我，真实的存在，就请你医治我的白血病，我以后永远跟随你！那天祷告了半个多小时，我清晰记得有一个声音在我耳边说：“孩子，你受苦了！”哭完后心里特别舒服，得了安慰。
第二天返回医院打针后，发现自己吃东西有胃口了。我突然有种念头：天父那么爱我，祂一定会帮助我，只要我胃口开了，能吃东西了，我坚信自己一定会慢慢好起来！后来医生也很奇怪，我精神状态变得越来越好了。
在医院治疗了11天后，我主动提出来要求出院，我的主治医生不肯，并要求再次进行全身各个项目检查。检查报告出来，我的白血球刚好到正常值，医生也很惊奇，问我是不是信佛，放生了什么的，我说我信主耶稣，我的天父爸爸救了我！我看到医生的诊断报告从“白血病”变成了“疑似白血病”。
出院的那天下午，我抬眼望着天空，心中满了欣喜，眼泪不停流下来：“我从前风闻有你，现在我亲眼看见你！”
经历婚姻破碎、疾病缠身，绝望中她向记忆中的上帝发出呼求！
In 1987, at the age of 18, I was one point away from the selected students' list in the gaokao, China's national college entrance exam. So I took an English class for self-study and exam preparation for students who prefer English as their higher education at the Jinling Institute of Technology. Our English teachers said that if we would like to take English as a major study, we should have some understanding of the religious culture of the UK and the US. Because of this, several of our classmates and I went to the St. Paul’s Church every Wednesday afternoon.
I still remember the first time I entered the church, I was in awe at the solemnity of the church. After listening to the pastor’s preaching, I felt comforted at the same time. What impressed me the most on that day was that there was a sister and her younger brother who were sitting in the final row of the pews, both of them looking a bit different. It was said that since the day they failed the gaokao exam, both of them had got dementia, one becoming taciturn, sullen, not interested in anything; the other one becoming radical, yelling at things and people around them easily without proper reasons.
The last time I saw them was the end of the semester before our holidays. When I went to the church with my classmates again, the pair of siblings were also sitting at the last pew. However, they were kneeling down at that time, each holding a Bible in their hand. They were silent, looking joyful.
I was wondering why they didn’t go to the doctors for healing. A female believer told me that it was because they were from a poor family, they could not afford the fee to consult the doctors. They came here to listen to the gospel. From hearing all of this, I was so astonished and grateful that God’s healing hands were really on them. From their story, I asked myself, “Is there really a wonderful God who is ruling over all of the things in the universe?”
Later, a female member of the church contacted me, inviting me to study more from the Bible. However, at that time, I focused on my work, pursuing fame, status, and promotion, so I gradually walked away from God. After I started my own little family, my husband betrayed me when I had been pregnant for just less than three months. With a strong personality, I decided to divorce with my husband, living alone with my child. Those days were difficult, though I could still continue without being defeated.
In September 2010, I had been in a low-grade fever with the trouble of sleeping and eating. Every morning when I brushed my teeth, my gums bled and I felt so weak. After my nine days of infusion therapy at the community clinic, I did not feel any better. The clinic advised me to receive deeper check-ups in bigger a hospital. When the results came out, the doctor did not tell me directly what illness I suffered.
I knew from my mother that I had got leukemia! If my therapy processed well, I could live several more years. But from my current health condition at the time, I was told I only had six more months to live.
Seeing I was depressed, the doctors asked my nurse who helped me with daily infusion therapy to send me to a psychologist after an infusion therapy session. Several days later, I went home since I was missing my child. On that day, I knelt down before the balcony which was located in the northern part of my house, with a thought flashing by, “God! Could you please save my life like how you saved the pair of siblings meanwhile at church?”
I kept silent, praying to God, "If you are a true God who really loves me, please heal my leukemia, as I will follow you forever!" After I had been praying for around half an hour, I heard a voice, “Child, you had suffered!” I felt comforted after crying. The next day when I returned to the hospital, I started to have an appetite to eat after the infusion therapy. At that moment, I suddenly had an idea, “God loves me so much that He must help me. I know that I must get better and better if I keep my appetite to eat.” Not very long after that, my health was getting better and better, which my doctor also found very strange.
After my 11 days of therapy at the hospital, I initiated the check-out procedure from the hospital. My doctor refused my request, asking me to finish a full body check-up. When the results came out, they showed that the range of my white blood cell counts had returned to normal. In a big surprise, my doctor asked me whether I was a Buddhist or not, and whether I had freed a captive or not. I just told them that I believe in Jesus, and my heavenly father had healed me. When I looked at my doctor’s diagnostic report, the wording was changed from “leukemia” to “suspected leukemia”!
On the day I walked out of the hospital, I just turned my eyes to the sky, filling up with joy, with tears running down my face. And I said to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you!”
- Translated by Jessie Cheong
From Broken Marriage, Disease-Ridden, She Yells to God for Healing
