When it comes to love, I believe that many believers would think of the scenes described in the Song of Solomon: "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned." In my limited understanding, this statement describes the fundamental nature of love - faith, purity, and truth. Two young people, with pure faith, bravely reject all temptations from the world.
Money has evolved into the gold standard for determining a person's value and a crucial factor in choosing a mate in a consumerism-dominated era. You can be less handsome, but you cannot be without money.
For me, faith, money, and love were all essential to me in the past when I was a Christian.
I was born in Shangyu, the hometown of Zhu Yingtai, the heroine of a tragic Chinese romance legend the Butterfly Lovers, in Zhejiang Province. From a young age, the legend of the Butterfly Lovers influenced me, and I had beautiful expectations for my future spouse. However, my journey of love was not smooth; it was even quite difficult.
In high school, early romantic relationships were prohibited, leading to the continuous suppression of my emotional needs. In a world where only scores mattered, I only knew to study hard. It seemed like scores were the only lifeline I could grasp.
However, my college entrance exam results were far from ideal. I only got into a private three-year college in Shanghai, lacking the confidence to talk to girls. Until I graduated and entered society, I was rejected during job fairs and job interviews. In a few short years, I did a variety of jobs just to survive.
But as I immersed myself in the secular world, I gradually drifted away from God. One day, while flipping through books, I saw a line, "Only the Creator can define the value and meaning of the created."
It suddenly occurred to me that God determines my value, not success, wealth, status, class, size of the house, or noble identity. When I returned to Him, I knew I was justified through faith. Whenever I felt disappointed or even disgusted with myself, I believed that the One above had already accepted me.
With my three-year college degree, it was difficult to find a job. However, I eagerly desired success in my career. I worked seven days a week and rested only one day a month, proving my worth to the world, my superiors, and my parents. But when repeated failures came like waves, I went from being ambitious to falling into a deep abyss. I realized that the value system I had built over the years collapsed overnight, and my mental health was declining.
One late night, I was staying in a rented room in Ningbo, Zhejiang. Suddenly, I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried. At two in the morning, a variety of scary thoughts surfaced in my mind. "Jump quickly, what's the meaning of your existence? Who in this world would love you?"
As I thought like this, I found myself almost leaning out of the window. I called my parents and sister dozens of times, but no one answered. At that moment, loneliness overwhelmed me, and my emotions spiraled out of control. Using the last bit of rationality, I told myself to quickly go to the hospital.
In the end, a kind driver took me to the hospital. The doctor asked what was wrong, and I said I couldn't sleep, with a pounding heart and shaking hands. The doctor measured my heart rate, saying there was no physiological problem but perhaps a psychological one. He suggested seeing a psychologist.
Later, my sister accompanied me to see a psychologist and underwent a series of psychological tests, with the result being mild depression. The doctor prescribed medication and advised me to go home and rest.
Back in my hometown of Shaoxing, Zhejiang, looking at the bottles of pills on the table, I couldn't help but ponder. Was I going to rely on these drugs to "cure" my mental state? Isn't He the true and living God?
I immediately kneeled and prayed, "Lord Jesus, please save me, who is truly a sinful person. Please heal my soul." That night, I didn't take any antidepressants and fell asleep peacefully.
The next day, I started reading the Bible, praying, and singing hymns. As my relationship with God grew closer, I found that I didn't need these medications at all. As my faith in Jesus became stronger, depression naturally disappeared.
Recently, I read the book The Great Doctrines of the Bible by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and I realized that illness is a part of God's discipline for me. God wanted to heal my waywardness through my "mild depression." I no longer prove my worth with houses, tickets, cars, or appearance but understand that the value of life is in God.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
提起爱情，我深信许多信徒会想到雅歌所描述的情节：“爱情，众水不能熄灭，大水也不能淹没。若有人拿家中所有财宝要换爱情，就全被藐视。”这句话在我有限的理解和认知里，回答了爱情最初的本质—信纯见真。两个年轻人倚靠单纯的信心，勇敢地拒绝来自世界的一切诱惑。
在消费主义盛行的年代，钱成为衡量价值的标准，也成为了相亲市场择偶标准的唯一硬通货。你可以不帅，但不能没钱。
对于曾经的我来说，作为一名基督徒，信仰、钱和爱情，我都要。
我出生于祝英台故里浙江省上虞，对梁山伯和祝英台的故事耳濡目染。我从小便有了对未来另一半的美好期许。然而我的爱情之路并不顺利，甚至十分坎坷。
在高中早恋是被禁止的，导致我对情感的需求不断压抑在心中。在唯分数论的世界里，我只知道努力读书，分数仿佛是我唯一可以抓住的救命稻草。
然而高考成绩却十分不理想，只考上上海的一所民办三本，我没有底气和女孩子说话。直到毕业踏入社会，到处拜访公司、参加招聘会面试求职，无一例外全被拒了。短短几年间，为了生存，做过各种各样的工作。
可是，当我一头扎进世界时，我也逐渐远离了神。直到一次翻阅书籍时，一行字映入眼帘，被造物的价值只有从造物主那里才能获得。
我突然茅塞顿开，我的价值是由我的造物主来决定的，不是以成功、失败、富有、贫穷、地位、阶层、房屋面积、身份高贵、卑贱来决定。当我再次回到祂的面前，知道自己是因信称义。每当我对自己失望、甚至厌弃自己时，我相信天上那一位已然接纳了我。
因我的三本学历、找工作的不顺利，我迫切渴望在我的职业上取得成功。一周工作七天，一个月休息一天，向世界、上司、父母证明自己的价值。但当一次又一次的挫败感像浪潮一般袭来时，我从踌躇满志到跌落万丈深渊。我发现我多年来建构关于努力的价值观念体系，在一夜之间轰然崩塌，我的心理开始出问题。
在宁波工作的一个深夜，我住在一个出租房里。突然晚上失眠，怎么睡都睡不着。半夜两点，各种可怕的念头在我脑海浮现。“快跳下去吧，你这种人，活着有什么意义呢？这个世界有谁会爱你呢？”
当我这样想的时候，我发现自己半个身子都快俯出窗外了。我给我爸妈和我姐打电话，几十个电话也没接通。那一瞬，我的孤独感占据内心，情绪瞬间失控了。我趁着最后一点仅剩的理性，告诉自己，得要赶紧去医院看医生。
最终，有一个好司机载我去医院。医生问我怎么了，我说我睡不着，心慌手抖。医生给我测了心率，说我生理上没问题，心理上或许有问题，建议我去看心理医生。
后来我姐就陪我去看了心理医生，做了一系列心理测试，结果是轻度抑郁。医生给我开了药，并建议我回家休养。
回到绍兴老家，我看着桌上一瓶瓶小药罐，我不禁陷入了沉思，难道我真的要靠这些药物“医治”我的心理吗？难道祂不是又真又活的上帝吗？
于是我想起祷告，立马跪在说，主耶稣啊，求你救救我，我真的是一个罪大恶极的人，求你医治我的心灵。那一夜我就没有吃抗抑郁的药物，就安然睡着了。
第二天我开始读圣经，做祷告，唱赞美诗。当我与神关系越来越亲近的时候，我发现我根本不需要这些药物。当我对耶稣的信心愈加坚定时，抑郁症自然而然就好了。
我最近读到钟马田《圣经的伟大教义》这本书，我才明白过来，原来疾病是神管教我的一部分。
神要通过我的“轻度抑郁症”医治我背道的病，我不再以房子、票子、车子、长相证明自己的价值，知道生命的价值是在神那里。
一致力于文字事奉弟兄的见证（二）：生命的价值源于上帝
When it comes to love, I believe that many believers would think of the scenes described in the Song of Solomon: "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned." In my limited understanding, this statement describes the fundamental nature of love - faith, purity, and truth. Two young people, with pure faith, bravely reject all temptations from the world.
Money has evolved into the gold standard for determining a person's value and a crucial factor in choosing a mate in a consumerism-dominated era. You can be less handsome, but you cannot be without money.
For me, faith, money, and love were all essential to me in the past when I was a Christian.
I was born in Shangyu, the hometown of Zhu Yingtai, the heroine of a tragic Chinese romance legend the Butterfly Lovers, in Zhejiang Province. From a young age, the legend of the Butterfly Lovers influenced me, and I had beautiful expectations for my future spouse. However, my journey of love was not smooth; it was even quite difficult.
In high school, early romantic relationships were prohibited, leading to the continuous suppression of my emotional needs. In a world where only scores mattered, I only knew to study hard. It seemed like scores were the only lifeline I could grasp.
However, my college entrance exam results were far from ideal. I only got into a private three-year college in Shanghai, lacking the confidence to talk to girls. Until I graduated and entered society, I was rejected during job fairs and job interviews. In a few short years, I did a variety of jobs just to survive.
But as I immersed myself in the secular world, I gradually drifted away from God. One day, while flipping through books, I saw a line, "Only the Creator can define the value and meaning of the created."
It suddenly occurred to me that God determines my value, not success, wealth, status, class, size of the house, or noble identity. When I returned to Him, I knew I was justified through faith. Whenever I felt disappointed or even disgusted with myself, I believed that the One above had already accepted me.
With my three-year college degree, it was difficult to find a job. However, I eagerly desired success in my career. I worked seven days a week and rested only one day a month, proving my worth to the world, my superiors, and my parents. But when repeated failures came like waves, I went from being ambitious to falling into a deep abyss. I realized that the value system I had built over the years collapsed overnight, and my mental health was declining.
One late night, I was staying in a rented room in Ningbo, Zhejiang. Suddenly, I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried. At two in the morning, a variety of scary thoughts surfaced in my mind. "Jump quickly, what's the meaning of your existence? Who in this world would love you?"
As I thought like this, I found myself almost leaning out of the window. I called my parents and sister dozens of times, but no one answered. At that moment, loneliness overwhelmed me, and my emotions spiraled out of control. Using the last bit of rationality, I told myself to quickly go to the hospital.
In the end, a kind driver took me to the hospital. The doctor asked what was wrong, and I said I couldn't sleep, with a pounding heart and shaking hands. The doctor measured my heart rate, saying there was no physiological problem but perhaps a psychological one. He suggested seeing a psychologist.
Later, my sister accompanied me to see a psychologist and underwent a series of psychological tests, with the result being mild depression. The doctor prescribed medication and advised me to go home and rest.
Back in my hometown of Shaoxing, Zhejiang, looking at the bottles of pills on the table, I couldn't help but ponder. Was I going to rely on these drugs to "cure" my mental state? Isn't He the true and living God?
I immediately kneeled and prayed, "Lord Jesus, please save me, who is truly a sinful person. Please heal my soul." That night, I didn't take any antidepressants and fell asleep peacefully.
The next day, I started reading the Bible, praying, and singing hymns. As my relationship with God grew closer, I found that I didn't need these medications at all. As my faith in Jesus became stronger, depression naturally disappeared.
Recently, I read the book The Great Doctrines of the Bible by Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and I realized that illness is a part of God's discipline for me. God wanted to heal my waywardness through my "mild depression." I no longer prove my worth with houses, tickets, cars, or appearance but understand that the value of life is in God.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
Story: God Heal My Waywardness Through Mild Depression
