Editor's note: A female believer named Muxi (pseudonym for safety reasons) said her faith was like a growing lemon tree. The following is her testimony in her own narrative.
I have been baptized for 11 years, never attended an evangelistic meeting, and never bore witness to the Lord publicly. I practically ran away right after being baptized and only came back when I felt lost. So, for many years, I couldn't really be considered a "Christian." I jokingly called myself a "quarterly believer," meaning I participated in church activities on a quarterly basis.
During my pre-school years, my parents were just starting a small business, and I, as a "left-behind child," lived with my grandparents. I remember accompanying my grandmother to Christian women’s homes for family fellowship, where they sang hymns together.
When I started school, I left my grandparents and returned to live with my parents. However, during the holidays, I would still stay with my grandparents. In my memory, my grandmother often said, "Thank the Lord." But hearing it, I was puzzled: "Who is the Lord? Where is He? What are we thanking Him for?"
When I was 17 years old, my grandmother, aged 67, ended her own life by taking a whole bottle of pills due to depression. In my eyes, her journey to heaven was about 90% complete.
During my youth, I hung out with lay Buddhists, visited temples in places like Zhongnan Mount, and engaged in charity work. Every Christmas Eve, I would go to church with classmates and hear the gospel a few times, attending family gatherings. At the same time, I was also interested in some mysterious stories of Taoism.
Looking back on my youth, I already realized that humans have souls because physical ailments can be treated with medicine, but the pain of the soul cannot. So, I searched for answers, trying to find the meaning of life.
After graduating from a graduate school in 2010, I entered the workforce. The following year, I met a problematic man in a local professional group, and the nightmare began. I tried to salvage the relationship, doing things contrary to my conscience.
I often shared my bitterness with my Christian aunt, who would comfort me and share the truth, but it seemed to have no effect. Until one day, she gave me an ultimatum, stating the only way out for both of us was to believe in Jesus because she was about to go abroad for a long time.
We went to a beautiful church on Christmas Eve, not knowing that tickets needed to be reserved in advance. As we were about to leave, a girl gave me two tickets, and then we entered the church. I didn't feel any divine presence in the church, and our relationship soon came to an end. Yet, my spiritual pain and wounds remained unresolved.
Feeling desperate, I searched for information online and contacted the nearest church. There, a pastor patiently listened to my life experiences. Intending to change myself through baptism, love slowly healed me.
Later, I met my current husband. Although he is not a Christian yet, he has good character, qualities, and manners. I often thank the Lord, realizing that what He prepared for me is better than what I asked for.
After my baptism, I entered a period of fervent engagement in my career. My church attendance depended on whether I needed God. At that time, I did not know how to worship God at all but only sought to use Him. Although I attended meetings, read the Bible, and helped renovate the new church, I was like a lemon tree in my early days—immature and childish.
In my career and life, I have achieved many proud accomplishments, including managing a leadership circle, increasing the value of my family property, receiving awards and honors, and conducting research. I treated tasks from the company as opportunities to showcase myself. Even if I didn't attend worship, I made sure to complete the work impressively.
In 2020, a crucial moment arrived in my career: the company's title evaluation. To pass, besides having strong qualifications, there were some unwritten rules: you had to offer a bribe. Being spiritually immature, I didn't consider the morality of it; if others were doing this, so would I.
I successfully became a middle-level leader, but about a month later, I developed vertigo and vomiting due to vestibular disorders. My husband called an ambulance, and I was rushed to the hospital. Although the vestibular disorder was cured, less than a month later, my lumbar disc herniation recurred, and I had to undergo spine surgery. At that time, I vaguely realized that these experiences were God's discipline.
In 2021, our company underwent a significant change in middle-level leadership. Normally, once you assume a leadership position, you tend to stay in leadership for a lifetime. I appeared to have favorable conditions, such as popular votes and personal relationships with leaders.
However, this time, I chose to step down. I was afraid that I would make more mistakes. Consequently, my name was removed from the leadership list. I didn't feel joy; instead, I fell into bitterness again, frequently complaining and questioning God about where my hope was.
I am grateful that at this time, a female Christian named Sarah from the small group in church inquired about my situation. She patiently accompanied me for a long time and brought me back to the church. The believers there completely healed me with their warmth, love, patience, and tolerance. I no longer avoided participation; instead, I engaged in diverse ministries.
Once again, I felt lost and returned to the church wounded. However, this return was different from the past. This time, I came back as a personal spiritual process, with the roots of my spiritual life growing downward and the visible growth of spiritual fruit.
Every day, I live with hope and gratitude. I no longer ask, "Why is this happening?" but rather, "Lord, what do you want me to do?"
Because I have truly tasted the grace of the Lord, I naturally want to share the gospel with those around me.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
各位亲爱的弟兄姐妹和朋友，我是慕溪姊妹，很高兴有机会能够给大家做见证。我见证的主题是“柠檬树”，对，就是一颗柠檬树。说实话，我受洗11年，没有参加过福音会，也没有公开做过见证，我几乎是刚刚受洗完就跑掉了，然后每次走投无路的时候就再回来一下。所以在前面很多年我根本算不上一个“基督徒”，我给自己起了个名字叫“季度徒”，意思就是我常常是以季度为单位参加主内活动的。
学龄前，我的父母在外面的小生意刚起步，我作为“留守型儿童”跟在爷爷奶奶身边生活。印象中，我曾经跟着奶奶去她的老姊妹家参加家庭团契，听他们一起唱赞美诗。
等我到了读书的时候就离开了爷爷奶奶重新回到了父母身边，只是寒暑假的时候会跟爷爷奶奶生活在一起。在我的记忆中，奶奶口中常常说“感谢主”。但是我听到之后，就是一头问号——“主是谁？主在哪里？感谢他什么？”
在我17岁那一年，我的奶奶67岁。她因为抑郁症吃个一整瓶药结束了自己的生命。所以在我看来，她的天路历程是走了十分之九。
在我的青年时期，我会跟一些居士活动在一起，会去终南山还有别的一些地方的寺庙里探访，做一些慈善。每年的平安夜我也会跟同学们去教堂，也被人传过福音，去过几次家庭聚会。同时，对于道教的一些玄而又玄的故事我也很感兴趣。
回想起来，青年时代的我已经意识到人是有灵魂的，因为肉体的病痛是可以吃药或者涂抹药物解决的，但是心灵的痛楚却着实无药可医。所以我一直在货比三家，看看谁能解开我的疑惑，看看谁能告诉我生命的意义。
2010年研究生毕业之后我正式进入了职场。第二年，我在当地一个职场行业群里结识了一个渣男，然后噩梦就开始了。并且尝试挽救这段感情，结果做与我的良心完全相悖的事情。
我常常把我的怨毒给我基督徒姑姑讲。她常常安慰我，给我讲真理，但是好像没有任何用处。直到有一天我姑姑给我下了最后通牒：你们只有一个办法，都去信耶稣。因为很快她就要长期去了国外。
我们去到一所很漂亮的大教堂过平安夜，但是不知道要提前预约门票。正打算离开的时候，一个女孩过来送给我2张门票。在教堂中上帝没有让我感受到任何异象，我们的恋情也在不久以后也划上了句号。可是我我的心灵痛苦和受伤感用尽各种办法也解决不了。
实在是走投无路，有一天我就通过网上查找信息，联系了地方最近的教会。在那里，有一位传道人非常有耐心的倾听了我的人生经历。慢慢的，我就被爱医治了；慢慢的，我就想受洗改变自己。
后来我认识了我现在的先生，虽然他暂时还不不是基督徒，但是却是有良好品格，很有素质和教养。我常常跟主感慨，原来他所预备的比我所求的还要好。
受洗后，我开启了自己在职场中比较奋进的一段时光。那段时期我去教会的频次主要取决于我是否那时的我，根本认知不到要敬拜上帝，而只能认知到利用上帝，有求于主，有则去，没有那就不去。虽然我也有聚会，也有读经，也有帮助新教会的装修等。而那个时候的我，就像我家刚结果的柠檬树一样，有一些花生米一般大小的柠檬果挂在上面，非常幼稚和不成熟。
而在职场和生活中我却取得了很多引以为傲的果子——经营了领导层朋友圈，升级了自己的家庭资产，获得了很多奖项、荣誉和科研成果。公司领导交代给我的任务，我都当作是表现自己的机会，即使不去做礼拜也要把活干完并且一定要干得漂亮。
在2020年的时候，我的职场中迎来了一个至关重要的时刻，就是公司的职称评审。要想顺利通过评审，除了自己的材料有过硬的实力之外，还有一些暗中的规则，那就是你还要“表示”一下。对于一个属灵生命比较小的我，完全没有顾及到犯罪与否，既然别人表示那我也表示。
就这样，我顺利成为了一名中层领导。但是仅仅一个月左右我就突然得了耳石症，天旋地转呕吐不止。我先生赶紧叫了救护车把我送去医院，后来耳石症终于好了，可是刚好了不到一个月，我的腰椎间盘突出症又复发了，只好做了腰椎手术。那个时候我隐约意识到这些经历都是上帝对我的管教。
到了2021年，我们单位迎来了一次重要的中层换届。一般一次坐上领导位置，一辈子基本都做领导。我看起来也是有比较有利的条件的，比如群众的投票基础、个人跟领导的熟识度。
然而，这次我选择了放弃。我很害怕我之前是犯罪是要病，现在犯罪可能是要命。
就这样，领导把原本我的名字划掉了。我并没有因此喜乐，而是又陷入了苦毒，常常埋怨甚至质问上帝，我的盼望在哪里。
很感恩，上帝让小组里的Sarah姊妹在这个时候查问我的状况，她耐心陪伴了我很长一段时间，并带我回到聚会中。那里的信徒用他们的热情、爱心、耐心和包容彻底治愈了我。而我也不再逃避，参与到各项事工中。
就这样，我又一次走投无路，被打肿了脸，而后回归了教会。而这次的回归不同于以往的回归，这次我回来，是我个人的生命属灵的根系向下生长的过程，是我属灵的果实肉眼可见长大的过程。
我每天活在盼望和感恩里；我不再做“十万个为什么”，而是“主啊，你要我做什么？”
因为我自己真正品尝到主恩的滋味，也慢慢活出上帝管家和仆人的模样，所以我就自然而然也愿意传福音给周围的人了。
（应对方要求，文中人物姓名均为化名。文中所有图片均为作者提供。）
一位姊妹的信仰见证：我的信仰就像一颗柠檬树
Editor's note: A female believer named Muxi (pseudonym for safety reasons) said her faith was like a growing lemon tree. The following is her testimony in her own narrative.
I have been baptized for 11 years, never attended an evangelistic meeting, and never bore witness to the Lord publicly. I practically ran away right after being baptized and only came back when I felt lost. So, for many years, I couldn't really be considered a "Christian." I jokingly called myself a "quarterly believer," meaning I participated in church activities on a quarterly basis.
During my pre-school years, my parents were just starting a small business, and I, as a "left-behind child," lived with my grandparents. I remember accompanying my grandmother to Christian women’s homes for family fellowship, where they sang hymns together.
When I started school, I left my grandparents and returned to live with my parents. However, during the holidays, I would still stay with my grandparents. In my memory, my grandmother often said, "Thank the Lord." But hearing it, I was puzzled: "Who is the Lord? Where is He? What are we thanking Him for?"
When I was 17 years old, my grandmother, aged 67, ended her own life by taking a whole bottle of pills due to depression. In my eyes, her journey to heaven was about 90% complete.
During my youth, I hung out with lay Buddhists, visited temples in places like Zhongnan Mount, and engaged in charity work. Every Christmas Eve, I would go to church with classmates and hear the gospel a few times, attending family gatherings. At the same time, I was also interested in some mysterious stories of Taoism.
Looking back on my youth, I already realized that humans have souls because physical ailments can be treated with medicine, but the pain of the soul cannot. So, I searched for answers, trying to find the meaning of life.
After graduating from a graduate school in 2010, I entered the workforce. The following year, I met a problematic man in a local professional group, and the nightmare began. I tried to salvage the relationship, doing things contrary to my conscience.
I often shared my bitterness with my Christian aunt, who would comfort me and share the truth, but it seemed to have no effect. Until one day, she gave me an ultimatum, stating the only way out for both of us was to believe in Jesus because she was about to go abroad for a long time.
We went to a beautiful church on Christmas Eve, not knowing that tickets needed to be reserved in advance. As we were about to leave, a girl gave me two tickets, and then we entered the church. I didn't feel any divine presence in the church, and our relationship soon came to an end. Yet, my spiritual pain and wounds remained unresolved.
Feeling desperate, I searched for information online and contacted the nearest church. There, a pastor patiently listened to my life experiences. Intending to change myself through baptism, love slowly healed me.
Later, I met my current husband. Although he is not a Christian yet, he has good character, qualities, and manners. I often thank the Lord, realizing that what He prepared for me is better than what I asked for.
After my baptism, I entered a period of fervent engagement in my career. My church attendance depended on whether I needed God. At that time, I did not know how to worship God at all but only sought to use Him. Although I attended meetings, read the Bible, and helped renovate the new church, I was like a lemon tree in my early days—immature and childish.
In my career and life, I have achieved many proud accomplishments, including managing a leadership circle, increasing the value of my family property, receiving awards and honors, and conducting research. I treated tasks from the company as opportunities to showcase myself. Even if I didn't attend worship, I made sure to complete the work impressively.
In 2020, a crucial moment arrived in my career: the company's title evaluation. To pass, besides having strong qualifications, there were some unwritten rules: you had to offer a bribe. Being spiritually immature, I didn't consider the morality of it; if others were doing this, so would I.
I successfully became a middle-level leader, but about a month later, I developed vertigo and vomiting due to vestibular disorders. My husband called an ambulance, and I was rushed to the hospital. Although the vestibular disorder was cured, less than a month later, my lumbar disc herniation recurred, and I had to undergo spine surgery. At that time, I vaguely realized that these experiences were God's discipline.
In 2021, our company underwent a significant change in middle-level leadership. Normally, once you assume a leadership position, you tend to stay in leadership for a lifetime. I appeared to have favorable conditions, such as popular votes and personal relationships with leaders.
However, this time, I chose to step down. I was afraid that I would make more mistakes. Consequently, my name was removed from the leadership list. I didn't feel joy; instead, I fell into bitterness again, frequently complaining and questioning God about where my hope was.
I am grateful that at this time, a female Christian named Sarah from the small group in church inquired about my situation. She patiently accompanied me for a long time and brought me back to the church. The believers there completely healed me with their warmth, love, patience, and tolerance. I no longer avoided participation; instead, I engaged in diverse ministries.
Once again, I felt lost and returned to the church wounded. However, this return was different from the past. This time, I came back as a personal spiritual process, with the roots of my spiritual life growing downward and the visible growth of spiritual fruit.
Every day, I live with hope and gratitude. I no longer ask, "Why is this happening?" but rather, "Lord, what do you want me to do?"
Because I have truly tasted the grace of the Lord, I naturally want to share the gospel with those around me.
- Translated by Abigail Wu
Story: My Faith Like a Growing Lemon Tree
