As a left-behind child, I was raised by my grandmother. My grandmother was once working on a farm, and one of her neighbors preached the gospel to her. Although she was illiterate, she started to believe in the Lord. More than 20 years later, my grandmother often rushed to the church in the next village after lunch with me (about five years old) in her arms. The psalms sung in church and the vivid stories in the Bible touched my soul for a lifetime.
It wasn't until my senior year that I began to think seriously about faith. At that time, I repented of my sins and embraced Jesus Christ as my savior. In the past few years, although I went to church on time every week and learned about the catechism of the Christian religion, I often complained about the Lord.
There were times when I didn't understand why a loving God would arrange things in the world like that. For example, I prayed for my marriage for almost 10 years, but God barely answered, as if he were covering his ears. After I got married, my wife and I prayed for fertility for three years with no answer at all.
The list goes on and on, and we all know that Christians should be grateful for everything because they believe in the unchanging love of God in his sovereignty. But in this exercise of faith, like the Israelites, I complained to God whenever I encountered adverse situations, and this became the overwhelming spiritual internal friction in my life.
During that period, I struggled while serving for almost a year. Once, I said to my grandfather, "I really don't understand. Doesn't the Bible say that God feeds the sparrows? Why is it that after God called me to quit my job and serve full-time, I can't even afford my rent in the city now?" My grandfather just listened quietly. He said to me earnestly and kindly, "No matter what you have been through, believe that God owes you nothing from the beginning to the end, and He has given us everything He has."
As I grew up, I often confided in my grandfather about the difficulties of my faith, and he always comforted me with God's love. But in the past, he was not like this. Twenty years ago, my grandfather was just a drunk, and he had a bad temper. Almost every Sunday, he would scold my grandmother for taking me to church and not cooking dinner on time. On Christmas Day in 2003, my grandfather accepted his neighbor's invitation to go to church, and he took my grandmother and me to the church to watch performances and listen to sermons. More than a month later, my grandfather announced that, under the influence of my grandmother, he had repented and believed in Jesus. On that day, I remember my grandfather taking out all the books in the house about superstition, kneeling on the floor mat, confessing his sins, and praying for the Lord's forgiveness. I remember clearly that the last words of my grandfather's prayer were, "From now on, I want to serve the Lord Jesus all my life." After the prayer, my grandfather knelt to open the door of the boiler and threw the books about worshipping idols into the fire to burn them into ashes.
The next year, because there was no church in the village, my grandfather took the initiative to make his house a place for receptions and meetings. Since that spring, the next-door neighbors could often hear psalms coming from my grandfather's house. At five o'clock in the morning, the gathered believers could also be heard praying in a circle on the roof. From then on, my grandfather started to read the Bible every morning instead of listening to the news. Before going to bed at night, he would kneel with my grandmother in front of the bed and pray for God's kingdom and those in need for an hour. Not only that, but my grandfather also committed to fasting and praying for the church once a month.
What amazes me is that my grandfather believed in the Lord for nearly three decades and never once complained about God's leadership. At that time, the villagers were not rich, and many of them went to work in the cities. In addition to farming, my grandfather also went to look for work in the cities. But every time he met a potential employer, my grandfather would begin by saying, "I'm a Christian, so I can't come to work on Sundays." Because he did not meet the conditions of many employers, my grandfather did not find a job for half a year, and my family was unable to make ends meet due to the low yield of corn. Although I could feel the pressure in my grandfather's heart during that time, I never heard him complain about God. On the contrary, he often said to me and my sister at the dinner table, "We should give thanks for everything in life, and we should be content with food and clothing."
In the winter of 2022, my grandfather, who had been serving the church for nearly 30 years, found himself in the hospital's emergency room due to severe abdominal pain. Although the village had announced the end of pandemic prevention and control, Grandfather was diagnosed with two advanced-stage cancers, and the prognosis was that he had, at most, three months left to live. Upon hearing the news, I hurriedly took a train back to be by Grandfather's side, intending to accompany him through the final stage of his life.
After returning home, my grandfather lay weakly on the sofa and had not eaten or drunk for many days. I held my grandfather's hand and asked him if it hurt. He shook his head and said softly, "With the Lord by my side, I am not afraid." During that period, I used to read the catechism for my grandfather about the resurrection and about the children of God coming immediately after death into the arms of the Lord. My grandfather said that his biggest concern now is, "I need to spend more time to repent to the Lord every day because I cannot go to the Lord with the sins that I do not want to repent of."
At that time, many in my family could not understand why my grandfather, who had served God so godly, had suddenly become seriously ill. My grandfather did not complain foolishly about God like them, but said to those who asked him that question, "Is it not better for God to take me into glory than the blessings of this earth?"
Later, my family and some of my brothers and sisters formed an online prayer group that kept praying for my grandfather every night. Miraculously, after praying for my grandfather for more than a month, he gradually recovered and was healed six months later.
Now 2024 is here, and the prayer group still keeps praying for my grandfather every night. Now his life has returned to normal. He still reads the Bible every morning, prays in the evening, and fasts and prays all day once a month. Every time the believers in the church heard his voice on the phone and saw him serving in the video, they would give endless thanks to God. I don't know how long the Lord would allow his life to be spent serving on earth. Still, when I think about my grandfather, I would stop complaining about God and pray with the words he taught me: "No matter what I'm going through, I believe God owes me nothing from the beginning to the end, and the Lord has given me everything He has."
- Translated by Nicolas Cao
作为留守儿童，我从小在姥姥的身边长大。姥姥因有一次在农场干活而听到了邻居给她传“信耶稣”的福音，虽没什么文化，但单纯的她几乎怀疑的信主了。一晃20多年过去，姥姥抱着5岁的我常常在吃过午饭后赶往隔壁村的教会聚会。其中，教堂里一次次传唱的诗歌和圣经中绘声绘色的故事令我过目难忘。
直到高三那年，我才开始认真的思考信仰，并为自己的罪悔改，将耶稣基督当作我人生中的救赎主。信主几年中，虽然我每周都会准时去到教会敬拜，也学习了很多关于信仰的教义问答，但在我常常是对这位天上的父亲充斥着抱怨之心。
有些时候，我的情感无法明白慈爱的上帝为何要这样安排？比如我曾为自己的婚姻祷告了近10年的时间，但上帝似乎像捂住耳朵一般几乎没有回应。结婚后，我和妻子为生育祷告了三年的时间仍然看不见希望。
类似的事情不胜枚举，我们都清楚基督徒因为相信上帝在主权中不变的慈爱而应当凡事感恩。但在这信心的操练之中，我跟以色列人一样，一遇到环境就开口向上帝抱怨，这成为了我生命中难以胜过的属灵内耗。
那段时间我处在服事的挣扎将近一年时间。有一次，我对姥爷说：“我真想不通，圣经不是说上帝养活麻雀吗？为什么上帝呼召我辞掉工作全职服事后，竟然使我现在连城里租房的房租都付不起了呢？”姥爷只是安静地听着，他认真又慈祥的对我说：“无论你经历了什么，都要相信上帝从始至终都不欠你什么，但祂却将祂的一切都赐给了我们。”
在我生命成长的历程中，我时常向姥爷倾诉信仰中的艰难，姥爷总是以上帝的爱来安慰我。但在以前他可不是这样：20年前，姥爷不过是一个爱喝酒的酒鬼，脾气差的他几乎在每一个主日都会因为姥姥带着我去教堂礼拜而没有做好饭把姥姥大骂一番。而在2003年圣诞节时，姥爷竟然没有拒绝邻居去教会的邀请，带着我和姥姥一同去了教会观看节目和聆听布道。一个多月后，姥爷宣布受我姥姥的影响，悔改信耶稣了。 那天，我记得姥爷把屋子里所有关于“风水迷信”的书都找了出来，跪在地垫上开口向主认罪祷告，并祈求主的赦免。我清楚记得姥爷祷告的最后一句话是说：“今后，我愿意一生都来服事主耶稣”。祷告完，姥爷跪着打开锅炉的窗口，一本一本的把从前拜偶像的书都扔进了火中烧成灰烬。
第二年，因为村里没有教会，姥爷主动提议将自己的家庭开放，成为接待聚会的地方。那年春天开始，隔壁邻居时常能听到姥爷家传出赞美唱诗的声音。在清晨5点钟的时候，也能听到他们在屋顶上围成一圈祷告的声音。从那时起，姥爷每早晨将听新闻联播的时间改为了读经的时间。晚上睡前，他会带着姥姥跪在床前为着上帝的国度和有需要的人祷告长达一个小时的时间。不仅如此，姥爷还定下了每一个月一次为教会禁食祷告的服事。
令我感叹的是，姥爷信主许多年，从没有一次抱怨过上帝的带领。那时经济普遍紧张，村里有许多人去城里打工。姥爷除了种地之外，也跟着一同前往找寻工作。但每次面对雇主，姥爷都会先开口说：“我是基督徒，星期天是不能来的。”因为不符合条件，姥爷半年都没有在外面找到工作，家里因玉米的产量低而导致入不敷出。那段时间，虽然我能感受到姥爷心中的压力，但我却从没有听过他对上帝的一句抱怨，他反而常在餐桌边对我和妹妹说：“我们活着要凡事谢恩啊，有衣有食就当知足。”
2022年冬天，姥爷已经是服事教会近30年的七旬老人。村里宣布疫情防控已经结束，而姥爷因为腹部剧痛被送往了医院急诊，查出来患了两处癌症，已经到了晚期，最多活不过三个月的时间。我听到消息后赶忙坐火车回到了姥爷的身边，想要陪伴他度过人生中最后一段的时间。
回到家后，姥爷瘦弱地躺在沙发上，已经多天不吃不喝了。我握着姥爷的手，问他是不是很痛？姥爷摇摇头轻声地说：“有主在我身边，我不怕”。在那些天的日子里，我常为姥爷读要理问答中关于“复活”和“上帝的儿女死后立刻到达天父怀中”的教义。姥爷说现在最大的心事是：“我每天都需要花更多的时间向主认罪悔改，我不能带着不愿悔改的罪去见主”。
那段日子，家里的许多家人都不能理解为什么姥爷如此敬虔地事奉上帝，却还这样突然的身患重病。姥爷并不跟着他们的愚昧一同抱怨上帝，只是对问这问题的人说：“上帝要接我进入荣耀中，岂不比这地上的福气更好？”
后来，家人和一些弟兄姐妹组成了每晚在线上为姥爷守望的祷告小组。奇妙的是，共同为姥爷祷告了一个多月后，他渐渐恢复了健康，半年后得到了医治。
转眼已经进入2024年了，祷告小组仍然坚持着每晚为姥爷守望。现在姥爷的生活已经恢复了正常，包括每天早晨的读经、晚上的祷告以及每月一次的全天禁食祷告。每当在电话里听到他的声音，在视频里看见他服事的身影，教会的信徒们都向上帝献上无尽的感恩。我不知道主还会在世上使用他的生命服事多长的时间，但每当想到姥爷的时候，我都会停止对上帝的抱怨，用他曾教导我的话来祷告说：“无论我在经历什么，都相信上帝从始至终都不欠我什么，但主却将祂的一切都赐给了我。”
见证| 上帝借姥爷治愈了我的属灵内耗
As a left-behind child, I was raised by my grandmother. My grandmother was once working on a farm, and one of her neighbors preached the gospel to her. Although she was illiterate, she started to believe in the Lord. More than 20 years later, my grandmother often rushed to the church in the next village after lunch with me (about five years old) in her arms. The psalms sung in church and the vivid stories in the Bible touched my soul for a lifetime.
It wasn't until my senior year that I began to think seriously about faith. At that time, I repented of my sins and embraced Jesus Christ as my savior. In the past few years, although I went to church on time every week and learned about the catechism of the Christian religion, I often complained about the Lord.
There were times when I didn't understand why a loving God would arrange things in the world like that. For example, I prayed for my marriage for almost 10 years, but God barely answered, as if he were covering his ears. After I got married, my wife and I prayed for fertility for three years with no answer at all.
The list goes on and on, and we all know that Christians should be grateful for everything because they believe in the unchanging love of God in his sovereignty. But in this exercise of faith, like the Israelites, I complained to God whenever I encountered adverse situations, and this became the overwhelming spiritual internal friction in my life.
During that period, I struggled while serving for almost a year. Once, I said to my grandfather, "I really don't understand. Doesn't the Bible say that God feeds the sparrows? Why is it that after God called me to quit my job and serve full-time, I can't even afford my rent in the city now?" My grandfather just listened quietly. He said to me earnestly and kindly, "No matter what you have been through, believe that God owes you nothing from the beginning to the end, and He has given us everything He has."
As I grew up, I often confided in my grandfather about the difficulties of my faith, and he always comforted me with God's love. But in the past, he was not like this. Twenty years ago, my grandfather was just a drunk, and he had a bad temper. Almost every Sunday, he would scold my grandmother for taking me to church and not cooking dinner on time. On Christmas Day in 2003, my grandfather accepted his neighbor's invitation to go to church, and he took my grandmother and me to the church to watch performances and listen to sermons. More than a month later, my grandfather announced that, under the influence of my grandmother, he had repented and believed in Jesus. On that day, I remember my grandfather taking out all the books in the house about superstition, kneeling on the floor mat, confessing his sins, and praying for the Lord's forgiveness. I remember clearly that the last words of my grandfather's prayer were, "From now on, I want to serve the Lord Jesus all my life." After the prayer, my grandfather knelt to open the door of the boiler and threw the books about worshipping idols into the fire to burn them into ashes.
The next year, because there was no church in the village, my grandfather took the initiative to make his house a place for receptions and meetings. Since that spring, the next-door neighbors could often hear psalms coming from my grandfather's house. At five o'clock in the morning, the gathered believers could also be heard praying in a circle on the roof. From then on, my grandfather started to read the Bible every morning instead of listening to the news. Before going to bed at night, he would kneel with my grandmother in front of the bed and pray for God's kingdom and those in need for an hour. Not only that, but my grandfather also committed to fasting and praying for the church once a month.
What amazes me is that my grandfather believed in the Lord for nearly three decades and never once complained about God's leadership. At that time, the villagers were not rich, and many of them went to work in the cities. In addition to farming, my grandfather also went to look for work in the cities. But every time he met a potential employer, my grandfather would begin by saying, "I'm a Christian, so I can't come to work on Sundays." Because he did not meet the conditions of many employers, my grandfather did not find a job for half a year, and my family was unable to make ends meet due to the low yield of corn. Although I could feel the pressure in my grandfather's heart during that time, I never heard him complain about God. On the contrary, he often said to me and my sister at the dinner table, "We should give thanks for everything in life, and we should be content with food and clothing."
In the winter of 2022, my grandfather, who had been serving the church for nearly 30 years, found himself in the hospital's emergency room due to severe abdominal pain. Although the village had announced the end of pandemic prevention and control, Grandfather was diagnosed with two advanced-stage cancers, and the prognosis was that he had, at most, three months left to live. Upon hearing the news, I hurriedly took a train back to be by Grandfather's side, intending to accompany him through the final stage of his life.
After returning home, my grandfather lay weakly on the sofa and had not eaten or drunk for many days. I held my grandfather's hand and asked him if it hurt. He shook his head and said softly, "With the Lord by my side, I am not afraid." During that period, I used to read the catechism for my grandfather about the resurrection and about the children of God coming immediately after death into the arms of the Lord. My grandfather said that his biggest concern now is, "I need to spend more time to repent to the Lord every day because I cannot go to the Lord with the sins that I do not want to repent of."
At that time, many in my family could not understand why my grandfather, who had served God so godly, had suddenly become seriously ill. My grandfather did not complain foolishly about God like them, but said to those who asked him that question, "Is it not better for God to take me into glory than the blessings of this earth?"
Later, my family and some of my brothers and sisters formed an online prayer group that kept praying for my grandfather every night. Miraculously, after praying for my grandfather for more than a month, he gradually recovered and was healed six months later.
Now 2024 is here, and the prayer group still keeps praying for my grandfather every night. Now his life has returned to normal. He still reads the Bible every morning, prays in the evening, and fasts and prays all day once a month. Every time the believers in the church heard his voice on the phone and saw him serving in the video, they would give endless thanks to God. I don't know how long the Lord would allow his life to be spent serving on earth. Still, when I think about my grandfather, I would stop complaining about God and pray with the words he taught me: "No matter what I'm going through, I believe God owes me nothing from the beginning to the end, and the Lord has given me everything He has."
- Translated by Nicolas Cao
God Healed My Spiritual Burnout Through My Grandfather
