“It takes some people their whole lives to be healed of the harm they experienced in their childhood.” Thank God for saving me from being hurt all my life.
In 2001, my father had an affair and abandoned my mother. I was 16 years old.
In 2002, I decided to believe in the Lord. It all began with my admission to a first-tier senior high school. However, I dropped out of school for a while because my mother could not afford to pay my tuition fees. An aunt said that believing in the Lord could make me go back to school. I so became a Christian. She looked for the chairman of a private senior high school for help. After learning about my family, the overseas Chinese chairman, whom we did not even know, waived my tuition fees.
I was only a “nominal Christian” at that time, and my only goal was to be admitted to a famous university and to lead my mother to a good life in the future through my efforts.
In 2004, my mother remarried, which was the beginning of my nightmare. My stepfather was eccentric and irritable. His children did not accept my mother. So there were often confrontations. Initially, I lived alone in the old house, and my mother would come back when she felt wronged. That was when she would blame me for all her mistakes. I was depressed with all the "verdicts." I had no shoulders to cry on, and I could not help but fall into the pain.
I originally ranked number one in my class. I thought my mother would be happy for that, but she turned a blind eye to it. Instead, she simply felt that I was her burden. I, therefore, wondered why I should be alive, and I decided to end my life.
It was a weekend when I took pills to commit suicide, but my classmate happened to telephone me. She took a taxi immediately to rush to my place. Downstairs, she came across a pastor who was talking with a group of believers. So they ran upstairs to pray for me. At that time, I already felt that I had lost some consciousness, but I became fine after they prayed for me.
Although I was saved, I did not seek the Lord. I continued to live in pain. Consequently, I did not perform well in my college entrance exams and failed to be admitted by a first-tier university.
Seeing those who used to have lower grades than me enter good colleges made me absolutely downcast and irritated. I was bothered by the thought of suicide every day. At that time, I had probably suffered from depression for three and a half years, but I did not commit suicide. Now I think it was the Lord keeping me. It was not until the last half year of my college career that I suddenly had a strong desire to read the Bible. Before that, I had never seriously read the Bible for seven years. Although I went to church on Sundays, I did not listen to a word. I did not understand the Bible, so I began to fast and pray in the hope that I could understand what God was saying in it.
After two days of fasting and praying, the Bible suddenly became clearer to me. The word of God illuminated my mind, “My parents abandoned me, but the Lord will keep me.” I had longed for love since I was a child, but I could not get it from my parents, and Jesus was willing to give me all the love. I suddenly felt that I was no longer miserable but felt very happy because I found Jesus, who said that he loved me and was willing to lay down his life for me.
Now, with the blessing of God, I have formed a family with a Christian man who loves God. We are raising two sensible, healthy, and lovely children.
- Translated by Charlie Li
“有些人用一辈子去治愈童年所受的伤害。”感谢主拯救了我，让我没有一辈子陷在伤害中。
2001年，我的父亲有外遇抛弃了母亲，那时我16岁。
2002年，我决志信主。原因是，此前我中考考上了一个重点高中，但由于母亲没钱给我学费，就辍学了一段时间。有个阿姨说信主能让我重新上学，我就信主了。她去一个私立高中找董事长，这位我们都不认识的华侨得知我家的情况后，就免了我的学费。
我当时只是“挂名基督徒”，只有一个想法，就是好好学习考上名牌大学，将来带着我母亲过上好日子。
2004年，我的母亲再婚，也是我噩梦的开始。继父脾气古怪，常常发火，继父的儿女也不接受母亲，所以常有矛盾。我本是自己一个人住在旧房子里，只有母亲觉得委屈的时候才回来，她回来会跟我抱怨并把一切过错归咎于我。我背负着一切的“罪名”，无处诉说，也无法摆脱，只能陷入痛苦当中。
原本我是班里的第一名，我以为母亲会因此高兴，但她却视而不见，只觉得我是她的负担。因此，我疑惑自己为什么活着，决定去死。
高三的一个周末，我选择吃药自杀，但是我的一个同学恰好打电话给我。她飞快地打车过来，恰好遇到了上帝的一个仆人在楼下和一群阿姨交通，于是她们一起上楼为我祷告。当时我觉得自己已经意识模糊了，但祷告以后居然没事了。
虽然被拯救，我却没有因此寻找主。我继续活在伤痛之中，结果高考失利，没有考上重点大学。
看到那些曾经比我成绩差的人都进入了好学校，进入普本的我更加消极悲观，自杀的想法也每天捆锁着我。那时大概是患了抑郁症，煎熬了三年半，没有自杀，想来也是主的保守。直到临近毕业的最后半年，我突然想要看圣经，这之前的七年我从未认真读过圣经。虽然周日去聚会，却一句都没听进心里。因为看不懂圣经，就开始禁食祷告，为要明白上帝在说什么。
两天禁食祷告之后，我突然就看得懂圣经了。上帝的话光照了我的心：“我父母离弃我，耶和华必收留我”。我从小就渴望得到爱，但却没能从父母身上得到， 而耶稣愿意给我全备的爱。我突然觉得自己不再可怜，反而觉得自己很幸福，因为我发现有一位耶稣说他爱我，并愿意为我舍命。
如今，在上帝的祝福当中，我与一位爱主的弟兄组建了家庭，养育了两个懂事、健康、可爱的孩子。
见证 | 主带我走出自杀、抑郁的死荫幽谷
“It takes some people their whole lives to be healed of the harm they experienced in their childhood.” Thank God for saving me from being hurt all my life.
In 2001, my father had an affair and abandoned my mother. I was 16 years old.
In 2002, I decided to believe in the Lord. It all began with my admission to a first-tier senior high school. However, I dropped out of school for a while because my mother could not afford to pay my tuition fees. An aunt said that believing in the Lord could make me go back to school. I so became a Christian. She looked for the chairman of a private senior high school for help. After learning about my family, the overseas Chinese chairman, whom we did not even know, waived my tuition fees.
I was only a “nominal Christian” at that time, and my only goal was to be admitted to a famous university and to lead my mother to a good life in the future through my efforts.
In 2004, my mother remarried, which was the beginning of my nightmare. My stepfather was eccentric and irritable. His children did not accept my mother. So there were often confrontations. Initially, I lived alone in the old house, and my mother would come back when she felt wronged. That was when she would blame me for all her mistakes. I was depressed with all the "verdicts." I had no shoulders to cry on, and I could not help but fall into the pain.
I originally ranked number one in my class. I thought my mother would be happy for that, but she turned a blind eye to it. Instead, she simply felt that I was her burden. I, therefore, wondered why I should be alive, and I decided to end my life.
It was a weekend when I took pills to commit suicide, but my classmate happened to telephone me. She took a taxi immediately to rush to my place. Downstairs, she came across a pastor who was talking with a group of believers. So they ran upstairs to pray for me. At that time, I already felt that I had lost some consciousness, but I became fine after they prayed for me.
Although I was saved, I did not seek the Lord. I continued to live in pain. Consequently, I did not perform well in my college entrance exams and failed to be admitted by a first-tier university.
Seeing those who used to have lower grades than me enter good colleges made me absolutely downcast and irritated. I was bothered by the thought of suicide every day. At that time, I had probably suffered from depression for three and a half years, but I did not commit suicide. Now I think it was the Lord keeping me. It was not until the last half year of my college career that I suddenly had a strong desire to read the Bible. Before that, I had never seriously read the Bible for seven years. Although I went to church on Sundays, I did not listen to a word. I did not understand the Bible, so I began to fast and pray in the hope that I could understand what God was saying in it.
After two days of fasting and praying, the Bible suddenly became clearer to me. The word of God illuminated my mind, “My parents abandoned me, but the Lord will keep me.” I had longed for love since I was a child, but I could not get it from my parents, and Jesus was willing to give me all the love. I suddenly felt that I was no longer miserable but felt very happy because I found Jesus, who said that he loved me and was willing to lay down his life for me.
Now, with the blessing of God, I have formed a family with a Christian man who loves God. We are raising two sensible, healthy, and lovely children.
- Translated by Charlie Li
Story: The Lord Took Me out of Suicide, Depression
