I used to suffer from depression, which plagued me for many years. In 2010, I had just entered senior high school; it was a private school with complete services in the provincial capital; what most people would call "A school for the rich". Apart from the high tuition fees, there was nothing special about it.
Since the second year of junior high school, I began to bleed from my nostrils strangely, which was different from ordinary nosebleeds. Every time my nose began to bleed, it would flow uncontrollably without stopping, so I had to go to the hospital and the doctor said there were broken capillaries. During the period after that, my nose always bled without any warning, I began to ask for leave intermittently throughout my time in junior middle school, and I had a lot of infusions from time to time. Eventually, I failed my high school entrance exams.
Since childhood I had been extremely eager to excel; I felt that whether it was in my studies or exams, I had to ensure I came out the best. Eventually, things turned out like this.
After half a year, there was a big gap between my mental expectations and my circumstances as well as my education at the time. Suddenly my entire being became miserable. At the thought that the future was dim and without direction, feelings of pressure, anxiety, and loss came upon me like beasts. It seemed that my entire being was swallowed up by an invisible force... Absent-mindedness in class, truancy, edginess, talking back to the teacher—these became the norm for me.
This state was something I had never imagined before. There was a great contrast between my outward appearance and my inner being. The sentence I often used to describe myself was: "Beneath the quiet appearance, hid a heart with surging emotions".
But no matter how much the illness afflicted me, I never thought of committing suicide. I was still in a bad state, sullen, and reticent. I hated speaking to a lot of people and because of this, I offended many of my parents' friends, including relatives.
I always felt out of place in the world, and always found it difficult to blend in with others. Being alone became normal for me.
I was not only depressed but also was diagnosed with an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I would walk or run along the square every night, and would not allow myself to stop and go home if I hadn't walked 20,000 steps.
My real recovery from depression came at the end of last year. While I was helping my mother find a newspaper at home, I turned the bedroom cabinet and found a Book with its corners rolled up called– "Streams in the Desert". The title of the book attracted me very much and I sat on the floor mat in my bedroom and opened the first article of the book. The title was called "The Progress of Life". It was written by a foreigner. One of the lines started to touch me. It simply meant that growth is the natural law of all things. All living things need to grow. God longs for the growth of his children, just as parents desire their children to grow up.
After reading it, it dawned on me that I needed to change. I knew how eager my parents were for me to grow up healthy and happy like other children, instead of being stuck in the same place. This was not only God's desire for me but also my parents' expectation.
Although they usually considered my feelings and never spoke to me about them, I heard from my relatives that every time people asked about me, my parents couldn't help crying. My father, a man who could shoulder a lot of things, even failed to hold back his tears in front of others... I felt I needed to change without any delay, it had to be now.
From then on, I began to stop hiding in my bedroom. I tried to communicate with my relatives, and I was willing to go to crowded places to associate with others. Gradually, I began doing things to the best of my ability and everything started changing on its own. I didn't expect to change, but I came out of it. I knew that God had done all these in me.
When I started to do God's work, everything changed. Especially this year, my sister's baby was born, which touched me a lot. Looking at her so cute and chubby, everyone loved her so much. How difficult it was to raise a child. Thinking of how my mother fed me for countless days and nights when I was young, I began to shed tears...
In the same way, God has chosen and redeemed us, and he is eager for us to grow, be fruitful, and become full of the stature of Christ Jesus. I firmly believe in myself. I want to be young and full of life, and spend every day with a heart of gratitude.
Because of this experience, I began to understand others. I was willing to treat the people around me with a kind heart. What I want to say is: if you can't feel empathy, at the very least you should be kind. Don't make improper comments on things or people you don't know.
If you want to help someone with depression, just relying on your thoughts and enthusiasm to comfort them will sometimes backfire: different people have different inner needs and desires. Here are some tips based on my experience:
1. You can't dominate the whole conversation, talking endlessly all by yourself. This will make their already restless heart even more fretful.
2. Don't talk about the so-called "chicken soup for the soul" you see on the Internet which is usually false. Those words may not even comfort you when you are confused.
3. Don't talk about death or life, reverence, and love of life. (A person who wants to die doesn't listen.)
The only thing you can do is to encourage and guide the person with depression to open their mouth while you listen quietly. It's important to listen in order to find a breakthrough and a direction. Only by getting to know and understand the person can you talk deeply into their heart and achieve the purpose of the conversation. Otherwise, no matter how much you talk, it will become irrelevant nonsense and disgust the person.
They will be willing to share their innermost thoughts with you, provided, of course, that you first establish a deep and trustworthy relationship, which requires effort and there is a price to pay… which includes love, patience, time, energy...
But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. And they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. ——Isaiah 40:31
(The article is originally published by Gospel Times.)
我之前是一位抑郁症的困扰者，这个病折磨了我好多年。2010年我上高一，在省城一家全封闭式的私立学校。这也就是大家口中常说的贵族学校，除了学费高之外，其他并没有什么特别之处。
我从初二开始就莫名奇妙的开始鼻孔流血，那不同于普通的流鼻血，每次只要鼻子破了都无法止住，只能去医院。医生说是毛细血管断裂。之后的时间里我的鼻子总会毫无征兆地破，整个初中阶段就开始断断续续请假，三天两头输液。最后高中落榜……
我从小是个个性极其要强的人，我觉得读书要么就一定要读最好，考学校也一定要考最好的。最后却沦落到如此光景。
上了半年后，无论是从环境、教学都跟自己的心理预期差距很大时，整个人一下子开始不好了，一想到前途渺茫，没有方向，压力、不安、失落洪水猛兽般向我袭来，整个人仿佛被一种无形的力量吞噬了……上课走神，旷课，内心烦躁，跟老师顶嘴成了常态。
这种状态是我以前不曾想过的，我内心世界和外表反差很大。我经常形容自己的一句话就是：安静的外表下藏有一颗波澜壮阔的心。
但不管这个病怎么折磨我，我从未有过轻生的念头。我的状态依旧不好，闷闷不乐，少言寡语。我讨厌话很多的人，也因为这样，得罪了很多我父母的朋友，包括亲戚。
我总是感觉和这个世界格格不入，也永远融入不了别人，独来独往是我的常态。
我自己不仅抑郁，还有强迫症。我每天晚上都会沿着广场走圈或跑步，每天晚上如果走不到两万步我是不允许自己停下来回家的。
我自己真正从抑郁中走出来是去年年底。在家里帮妈妈找报纸的时候，我从卧室的柜子里翻到了一本压的角都卷起来的书——荒漠甘泉。单从这本书的名字就很吸引我，我坐在自己卧室的地垫上打开了这本书的第一篇文章开始读——题目叫生命的长进，是一个外国人写的。里面的一句开始触动了我。大概意思是，生长是万物的自然规律，有生命的物都需要生长。上帝渴望他的儿女生命长进，就如同父母渴望他的孩子长大一样。
我看完内心一下子明朗了，我觉得自己需要改变。我知道父母们多么渴望我能像其他孩子一样健康快乐成长，而不是被这种状态困扰，停留在原地。这不仅是上帝对我的渴望，同样也是我父母的期望。
虽然他们平时考虑到我的情绪，一直不跟我说，但是我听亲戚们说，每次别人问起我，他们总是忍不住哭，我的父亲，一个肩上能扛起一切的男人，居然也当着别人的面没忍住哭过……我觉得我急需改变，不能迟延，就是现在。
从那以后，我开始不再躲在自己的卧室里，我尝试主动跟亲人沟通交流，也愿意去人多的地方跟别人接触。后来慢慢地，我也去做一些力所能及的事情。一切就在不知不觉中发生着变化。我自己都没没想到，我居然走出来了。我知道这都是神在我里面做成的。
在我开始去做上帝的工作的时候，一切都在无形之中改变了。尤其今年我姐姐的小孩出生，更是对我触动很大。看着她那么可爱肉嘟嘟的样子，所有人都那么爱她。一个生命的抚养多么不易。我就想到自己小的时候，妈妈在无数个日日夜夜喂养我的那个情景，顿时泪眼朦胧……
同样，上帝把我们拣选救赎，也渴望我们的生命长进，并且能够丰盛，长成满有基督耶稣的身量。我坚定自己的想法。我要活出年轻人的朝气阳光，怀着感恩之心度过每一天
正是因为这段经历，我开始懂得了理解别人。我愿意用一颗善意的心看待周围的人群。我想说的是：你如果做不到感同身受，最起码你也要做到心怀善意。对不了解的事情、人群不做妄加评论。
抑郁症的人，你如果想帮他，只是凭着自己的想法和热情去安慰他，有时会适得其反：不同的人，他们心灵深处的需要和渴求是不同的。以下是根据我的经历所写的几条建议：
1、你不能主导整个谈话，从头至尾一个人在那里说个不停。这样会让他们不平静的内心更加烦躁。
2、不要说那些在网上看到的所谓毒鸡汤，那些话可能连你迷茫时都安慰不了你自己。
3、不要只是提那些有关生死、敬畏、爱惜生命的话题（一个想要一心寻死的人是听不进去的）
你唯一能做的就是鼓励、引导他主动张口，你成为一个安静的倾听者。听是为了找到突破口和方向，这是很重要的。只有了解他，懂他，你才能谈话深入其内心，达到谈话的目的，不然说的再多都是无关紧要的废话，还会让人家反感。
他们很愿意跟你诉说他内心深处的想法，当然前提是，你们首先得彼此建立很深的信任关系，这需要你付出一定的努力和该付的代价——这就是包括爱，耐心，时间，精力……
但那等候耶和华的，必从新得力。他们必如鹰展翅上腾，他们奔跑却不困倦，行走却不疲乏。 ——赛40:31
从抑郁中走出来后，我活得更加明白了……
I used to suffer from depression, which plagued me for many years. In 2010, I had just entered senior high school; it was a private school with complete services in the provincial capital; what most people would call "A school for the rich". Apart from the high tuition fees, there was nothing special about it.
Since the second year of junior high school, I began to bleed from my nostrils strangely, which was different from ordinary nosebleeds. Every time my nose began to bleed, it would flow uncontrollably without stopping, so I had to go to the hospital and the doctor said there were broken capillaries. During the period after that, my nose always bled without any warning, I began to ask for leave intermittently throughout my time in junior middle school, and I had a lot of infusions from time to time. Eventually, I failed my high school entrance exams.
Since childhood I had been extremely eager to excel; I felt that whether it was in my studies or exams, I had to ensure I came out the best. Eventually, things turned out like this.
After half a year, there was a big gap between my mental expectations and my circumstances as well as my education at the time. Suddenly my entire being became miserable. At the thought that the future was dim and without direction, feelings of pressure, anxiety, and loss came upon me like beasts. It seemed that my entire being was swallowed up by an invisible force... Absent-mindedness in class, truancy, edginess, talking back to the teacher—these became the norm for me.
This state was something I had never imagined before. There was a great contrast between my outward appearance and my inner being. The sentence I often used to describe myself was: "Beneath the quiet appearance, hid a heart with surging emotions".
But no matter how much the illness afflicted me, I never thought of committing suicide. I was still in a bad state, sullen, and reticent. I hated speaking to a lot of people and because of this, I offended many of my parents' friends, including relatives.
I always felt out of place in the world, and always found it difficult to blend in with others. Being alone became normal for me.
I was not only depressed but also was diagnosed with an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I would walk or run along the square every night, and would not allow myself to stop and go home if I hadn't walked 20,000 steps.
My real recovery from depression came at the end of last year. While I was helping my mother find a newspaper at home, I turned the bedroom cabinet and found a Book with its corners rolled up called– "Streams in the Desert". The title of the book attracted me very much and I sat on the floor mat in my bedroom and opened the first article of the book. The title was called "The Progress of Life". It was written by a foreigner. One of the lines started to touch me. It simply meant that growth is the natural law of all things. All living things need to grow. God longs for the growth of his children, just as parents desire their children to grow up.
After reading it, it dawned on me that I needed to change. I knew how eager my parents were for me to grow up healthy and happy like other children, instead of being stuck in the same place. This was not only God's desire for me but also my parents' expectation.
Although they usually considered my feelings and never spoke to me about them, I heard from my relatives that every time people asked about me, my parents couldn't help crying. My father, a man who could shoulder a lot of things, even failed to hold back his tears in front of others... I felt I needed to change without any delay, it had to be now.
From then on, I began to stop hiding in my bedroom. I tried to communicate with my relatives, and I was willing to go to crowded places to associate with others. Gradually, I began doing things to the best of my ability and everything started changing on its own. I didn't expect to change, but I came out of it. I knew that God had done all these in me.
When I started to do God's work, everything changed. Especially this year, my sister's baby was born, which touched me a lot. Looking at her so cute and chubby, everyone loved her so much. How difficult it was to raise a child. Thinking of how my mother fed me for countless days and nights when I was young, I began to shed tears...
In the same way, God has chosen and redeemed us, and he is eager for us to grow, be fruitful, and become full of the stature of Christ Jesus. I firmly believe in myself. I want to be young and full of life, and spend every day with a heart of gratitude.
Because of this experience, I began to understand others. I was willing to treat the people around me with a kind heart. What I want to say is: if you can't feel empathy, at the very least you should be kind. Don't make improper comments on things or people you don't know.
If you want to help someone with depression, just relying on your thoughts and enthusiasm to comfort them will sometimes backfire: different people have different inner needs and desires. Here are some tips based on my experience:
1. You can't dominate the whole conversation, talking endlessly all by yourself. This will make their already restless heart even more fretful.
2. Don't talk about the so-called "chicken soup for the soul" you see on the Internet which is usually false. Those words may not even comfort you when you are confused.
3. Don't talk about death or life, reverence, and love of life. (A person who wants to die doesn't listen.)
The only thing you can do is to encourage and guide the person with depression to open their mouth while you listen quietly. It's important to listen in order to find a breakthrough and a direction. Only by getting to know and understand the person can you talk deeply into their heart and achieve the purpose of the conversation. Otherwise, no matter how much you talk, it will become irrelevant nonsense and disgust the person.
They will be willing to share their innermost thoughts with you, provided, of course, that you first establish a deep and trustworthy relationship, which requires effort and there is a price to pay… which includes love, patience, time, energy...
But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. And they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. ——Isaiah 40:31
(The article is originally published by Gospel Times.)
After I Came out of Depression, I Lived a Much Better Life
