Before becoming a Christian, Zhen Xi (pseudonym), the wife of an elder who serves in a church in a first-tier city, had experienced many troubles: bankruptcy, debt issues, and lawsuit cases. In the month when she followed Christ, she went through a medical operation. In the following years, she experienced the loss of her beloved 27-week-old baby daughter, her mother's death from cancer, uterine cancer and uterine removal surgery, and extensive burns all over her body. Thankfully, after she heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit, she decided to obey the Lord's will. She finally got a new life and a happy family, and she now serves in the church.
Christian Times: Zhen Xi, can you briefly share your memorable experiences around the time you became a believer?
Zhen Xi: Before I believed in the Lord, the elder and I mainly ran an enterprise. However, we experienced the financial turmoil of 2008, and finally, our business ended in bankruptcy. At that time, we became vendors. We had a debt collector after us and went over several lawsuit cases. That was around when I was baptized. Usually, the month following a believer's baptism is the honeymoon period with God. However, at the end of my "honeymoon" month, I was rushed to the hospital because of the severe pain of lumbar disc herniation, and I found that two cartilages were protruding and compressing my nerves. So on the next day, I went through an eight-hour major surgery.
During my stay in the hospital, I had to lie on my stomach for nearly a month. One day, as I was reading the Bible casually as if it were a novel, I heard a voice say,“Go home and be a housewife.” I knew it was not my idea because the most unacceptable thing in my life was to be a housewife. My husband and I had been eating, sleeping, and working together since we got married. As a warm man in Zhejiang, my husband always did all the housework well, and it was a great thing that I cooked a meal occasionally.
Because of bankruptcy, we had to turn goods into cash quickly by setting up street stalls. At that time, it was really sad to see many people driving posh cars to set up stalls, including ourselves. At that time, I began to learn how to prepare three meals a month for my family with 1000 RMB, including three dishes, one soup, and a fruit dessert, and watched my husband gradually integrate into the present work and life in this strange city. In the next few years, my 27-week-old baby daughter died. In the same year, my mother died of cancer. It was also the middle stage of my cervical adenocarcinoma. Finally, I had my uterus removed, and eight lymph nodes were removed to keep my ovaries. I didn’t take any chemotherapy drugs, and I also experienced 30% scalding.
Usually people think that the wife of a pastor or elder will be honored by believers, but respect had never been easy for me, so later I realized that God made me undergo major surgery and that my body could not have more activities, so I could only cook meals every day to take care of ourselves. His good intention was to turn me back to him and let me have all kinds of beautiful styles that God’s daughter should have.
Christian Times: As an elder's wife, what experiences have you had in the serving position?
Zhen Xi: Because my past profession was managing overall images, my dress style was variable. In the eyes of many congregations, this is often beyond or below their expectations. I remember one time I was wearing torn jeans, a big sweater, and snow boots. An aunt (a polite Chinese way of addressing an elderly lady, translator's note) introduced me to a sister who came to us for the first time dressed very formally. As a result, she observed me from head to toe, saying, "Well, is the wife of an elder?" Another time, I worshiped in front. With exquisite makeup and all-black clothing, I looked overwhelming. My husband introduced me to an older sister. As a result, she looked around, asking, "Are there other elders’ wives that I should know?”
Christian Times: After experiencing financial bankruptcy, physical illness, loss of loved ones, misunderstandings, etc., what do you think these experiences mean to you?
Zhen Xi: These experiences have been transformed into great nutrients for me and my family, serving and expanding my life in the future in the hands of God. After God led me out of the valley of death, my husband and I also went from herding a group of six to the pastoral care ministry, including groups of single sisters, married sisters, couples, and brothers. They later became 15 groups, and my husband was the overseer of our area. Then I became the co-founder and eventually the respectable wife of an elder.
I think for me it is not the role of "an elder's wife" that matters, but the individual. I know the significance and preciousness of my life, so I know how to break up and care for the health of our family. I know how to deal with everything in life efficiently, including unnecessary relationship consumption and the temptation of money and status. I really listen to what God wants me to do and make sure that everything I do is pleasing to God. The status of an elder's wife is not "buy one, get one free" (meaning once an elder serves in a church, his wife naturally becomes the respected leader too), but I think it is more God's destiny in my life.
My faith made me learn the order of life: God, family, ministry, and work. I have a ubiquitous relationship with God. Sometimes, when I think of Him, I feel loved and say to him, "Lord, I love you so much!”
Christian Times: As an elder's wife, you have to take part in front-line ministry and teach your children. How do you face these two challenges?
Zhen Xi: I am very grateful that God has given me a husband who loves me so much. During our marriage journey with so many dangers, we were so poor that we were left with each other, but we never had the idea of separation. Instead, we could see the importance of soul mates more deeply. In the ministry, we don't interfere with each other. He also makes me happy to serve in all positions and do what I like and what God wants me to do. So I don't need to care about the labels that others put on me.
I cook breakfast with 20 ingredients almost every day to let my husband and children know that I can actually order food for them, but because I love them and because the morning is the time when the three of us can get together, I am willing to create a more beautiful time. My husband and I took care of my baby son without the help of others since I was allowed to leave the hospital. After the first month of his birth, I took him with me to serve small groups without delay. My children could get along with both adults and children. We also witnessed how God cared about us by reducing our burdens. We also led more sisters in the workplace to be more confident and serve the loving Father while raising children.
In the past, I participated in chain salons for general modeling and image management, but once I started to believe in God, I realized the beauty that God created for every woman. Therefore, whether I was pastoring sisters or myself, I could find the unique highlights of God in ourselves so that every sister could really see what she had, not what she didn't have. So I would dress myself properly every day and encourage my sisters to understand and see their own highlights and uniqueness.
Women are endowed with many roles by nature, and they are expected to be able to cope with them in every role. I didn't care about that before, but I finally found out that it was the best role God had given me. I saw that God loved each of His daughters and that God himself has become the rock and strong backing of His daughters. Additionally, I noticed that because of Him, despite playing multiple roles, we could experience true spiritual freedom and fulfill our God-given destiny.
- Translated by Charlie Li
信主前，她的企业破产、被追债、跑法院.....
信主当月，她躺在手术台8小时......
而后几年，她经历痛失27周爱女、母亲癌症回天家、罹患子宫癌并摘除、全身大面积烫伤……
死荫幽谷中的她，曾无比痛苦、彷徨失措过，感恩的是，在她听到主圣灵对她的轻声细语后，她决定顺从主心意，终获新生与美满的家庭，并在教会服事中为主发光。
如今在她熠熠发光的背后，究竟有着怎样一段艰难的旅程呢？让我们来认识一下这位在超一线城市教会服事的受访者：珍曦师母(化名)。
问：珍曦师母，您可以简单分享一下您信主前后，有哪些记忆深刻的经历吗？
答：我的丈夫是长老，目前也在做教会牧者。在没有信主之前，我与长老一直以经营企业为主。但我们在2008年经历了金融风暴，最终生意以破产而告终，我们那时候经历了摆摊、被追债、跑法院... …我就是在那个时候受洗的。一般都说受洗后进入与神的蜜月期，然而对我而言并没有。在当月月底，我因为腰椎间盘突出严重剧痛以至于急速医院，一拍核磁共振，才发现两个软骨凸出压迫神经... 医生说你真能忍，一个软骨压迫已经令人痛到极点，而你却是两个..... 于是隔天就安排了8个小时的大手术.......
在住院期间，我有近一个月只能趴着，受洗不到1个月的我，有一天拿着圣经当小说看的时候，一个声音告诉我：“回家去做家庭主妇”。我知道这不是我的意念。因为我这辈子最不能接受的就是自己做家庭主妇。
我和老公从结婚后吃饭睡觉工作都在一起，身为浙江暖男的他总是会把家务都做好，而我偶尔煮个饭菜已经很了不起了。所以我知道这不是我的意念，但我却听进去了。
也因为破产而要靠摆摊将商品变现金，那时候，看着许多人开着名车来摆摊，包括我们自己，真的是不胜唏嘘的惨淡。那时，我开始学会每月用1000元人民币为家人预备三餐，每次都会三菜一汤外加水果甜品，也看着老公在这陌生的城市里，逐步融入当下的工作和生活。而后的几年，我经历了27周女儿回天家、母亲同年癌症回天家、我子宫颈腺癌中期，最后割除子宫拿掉8个淋巴保留卵巢，没有化疗没有吃一颗化疗药、也经历了全身 30%滚油烫伤......
通常大家觉得师母会得信众的尊荣，但尊荣对我而言，一直都不是一件容易的事，所以后来我体悟到，神让我经历大手术，身体无法有更多的活动，只能每天做饭菜照顾好我们自己，祂的美意是要让我回转向祂，让我拥有神女儿应该有的各样美好的样式。
问：作为师母，在事奉的位置，您有过哪些比较委屈或者心酸的经历呢？
答：有的，因为我过去的专业是整体形象主理人的缘故，以至于我的着装类型时尚变化多。这在许多会众眼中是常常超出或是低于他们期待中的师母的样式。记得有一次，我穿着破牛仔裤和大毛衣与雪地靴，那次课程结束有个很爱我们的阿姨带着第一次来到我们当中的一位穿着很正式的姐妹，阿姨很开心的对她说：这是我们师母…结果我看她把我从头看到尾，然后对着我说：“嗯…未来的师母。”还有一次我要上台敬拜，精致的妆容与全身着装黑色，看起来气场很强大…长老带了一个年纪比较大的姐妹介绍给我，长老说：这是师母，也是我的老婆…结果这位姐妹左右环绕再看一下，说：“还有别的师母嘛……”
问：经历了财务破产、肉体病痛、失去亲人、被人误解等遭遇后，您觉得这些经历对您来说过后有怎样的意义？
答：这些经历在神的手中被转化为日后我在家庭、事奉和拓展人生境界极大的养分。神祂带领我走出这些死荫幽谷后，我们夫妻二人也从牧养一个6人的小组，到后来带领15个小组的牧区长（单身姐妹、已婚姐妹、夫妻、弟兄小组）......然后成为创办人，最后领受长老师母的位份。
我想对我而言已经不是“一个师母”的角色来解读。而是一个个体的我自己。我知道我的生命存在的意义与宝贵，因此更加懂得断舍离，保养顾惜好我们一家的健康，有效率的处理生活中的一切，不必要的关系消耗和金钱地位的试探...... 真实落地去倾听神要我去做的，确保尽量自己做的每一件事都是蒙神喜悦的。神说他创造每一个孩子都是独一无二的，不是工厂流水线，所以当然师母这个位份也不是“买一送一”，我想更多的是神在我生命中的命定。
我的信仰让我开始学习在生活中的次序：神-家庭-服事-工作；我与神有无处不在的关系，有时一想到祂，我就感到很被爱的跟祂说：“主，我好爱祢！”
问：作为师母，您既要参与一线服事，又要相夫教子，对于这两个挑战，您是如何面对的？
答：我很感恩的是，神量给我一个非常疼爱我的丈夫，在我们遭遇这么多的危难的婚姻旅程中，我们曾穷到只剩彼此，但我们一直都没有心生过分离的念头，反而让我们彼此能更深层的看见灵魂伴侣的重要性。在服事中，我们彼此不会干涉彼此，他也使我在各个服事岗位都能开心的服事，做我喜欢并且也是神要我做的事 ，所以我不需要在意别人为我贴的各种标签。
我几乎每天会做不重复，一餐20种食材的早餐，让我的老公孩子知道，其实我也可以点外卖给他们吃，但因为我爱他们，也因为早上是我们三个能聚在一起的时候，所以我愿意创造更多美好的时间。我的儿子从出医院就是我与老公照顾，不需借助他人的照顾。出月子之后，我带着他一起跑小组各种服事都没耽误，我的孩子可以跟大人小孩都打成一片，我们也见证了神怎么顾念我们怎么让我们轻省，也带动更多职场姐妹一起更有信心一边抚养孩子一边服事爱的天父。
过去我从事经营的是整体造型与形象管理连锁会所，而当我信主之后，就更加通透神创造每一个女人的美好，所以无论是在牧养姐妹或是包括我自己，都能在我们自身的身上找到神独一无二的亮点 ，让每一位姐妹都真正看到自己有的，而不是自己没有的，所以我也每天会把自己打扮得宜，也鼓励姐妹们懂的看见自己的亮点与独特。
女性天生就被赋予许多的角色，也被期待在每一个角色中迎刃有余，从前我的不以为意，最后却发现，这是神给我最好的角色，我在这当中看见神好爱祂每个女儿 ，也看见神亲自成为他女儿的磐石与坚强的后盾，更看见因祂，身为多角色的我们才能得着灵里真正的自由，活出神给我们的命定！我也盼望神兴起更多师母，让世人看见神爱的女儿如何在这世上发光发热！
妇女节专题（二）一华南教会长老妻子分享：走出死荫幽谷后的美丽人生
Before becoming a Christian, Zhen Xi (pseudonym), the wife of an elder who serves in a church in a first-tier city, had experienced many troubles: bankruptcy, debt issues, and lawsuit cases. In the month when she followed Christ, she went through a medical operation. In the following years, she experienced the loss of her beloved 27-week-old baby daughter, her mother's death from cancer, uterine cancer and uterine removal surgery, and extensive burns all over her body. Thankfully, after she heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit, she decided to obey the Lord's will. She finally got a new life and a happy family, and she now serves in the church.
Christian Times: Zhen Xi, can you briefly share your memorable experiences around the time you became a believer?
Zhen Xi: Before I believed in the Lord, the elder and I mainly ran an enterprise. However, we experienced the financial turmoil of 2008, and finally, our business ended in bankruptcy. At that time, we became vendors. We had a debt collector after us and went over several lawsuit cases. That was around when I was baptized. Usually, the month following a believer's baptism is the honeymoon period with God. However, at the end of my "honeymoon" month, I was rushed to the hospital because of the severe pain of lumbar disc herniation, and I found that two cartilages were protruding and compressing my nerves. So on the next day, I went through an eight-hour major surgery.
During my stay in the hospital, I had to lie on my stomach for nearly a month. One day, as I was reading the Bible casually as if it were a novel, I heard a voice say,“Go home and be a housewife.” I knew it was not my idea because the most unacceptable thing in my life was to be a housewife. My husband and I had been eating, sleeping, and working together since we got married. As a warm man in Zhejiang, my husband always did all the housework well, and it was a great thing that I cooked a meal occasionally.
Because of bankruptcy, we had to turn goods into cash quickly by setting up street stalls. At that time, it was really sad to see many people driving posh cars to set up stalls, including ourselves. At that time, I began to learn how to prepare three meals a month for my family with 1000 RMB, including three dishes, one soup, and a fruit dessert, and watched my husband gradually integrate into the present work and life in this strange city. In the next few years, my 27-week-old baby daughter died. In the same year, my mother died of cancer. It was also the middle stage of my cervical adenocarcinoma. Finally, I had my uterus removed, and eight lymph nodes were removed to keep my ovaries. I didn’t take any chemotherapy drugs, and I also experienced 30% scalding.
Usually people think that the wife of a pastor or elder will be honored by believers, but respect had never been easy for me, so later I realized that God made me undergo major surgery and that my body could not have more activities, so I could only cook meals every day to take care of ourselves. His good intention was to turn me back to him and let me have all kinds of beautiful styles that God’s daughter should have.
Christian Times: As an elder's wife, what experiences have you had in the serving position?
Zhen Xi: Because my past profession was managing overall images, my dress style was variable. In the eyes of many congregations, this is often beyond or below their expectations. I remember one time I was wearing torn jeans, a big sweater, and snow boots. An aunt (a polite Chinese way of addressing an elderly lady, translator's note) introduced me to a sister who came to us for the first time dressed very formally. As a result, she observed me from head to toe, saying, "Well, is the wife of an elder?" Another time, I worshiped in front. With exquisite makeup and all-black clothing, I looked overwhelming. My husband introduced me to an older sister. As a result, she looked around, asking, "Are there other elders’ wives that I should know?”
Christian Times: After experiencing financial bankruptcy, physical illness, loss of loved ones, misunderstandings, etc., what do you think these experiences mean to you?
Zhen Xi: These experiences have been transformed into great nutrients for me and my family, serving and expanding my life in the future in the hands of God. After God led me out of the valley of death, my husband and I also went from herding a group of six to the pastoral care ministry, including groups of single sisters, married sisters, couples, and brothers. They later became 15 groups, and my husband was the overseer of our area. Then I became the co-founder and eventually the respectable wife of an elder.
I think for me it is not the role of "an elder's wife" that matters, but the individual. I know the significance and preciousness of my life, so I know how to break up and care for the health of our family. I know how to deal with everything in life efficiently, including unnecessary relationship consumption and the temptation of money and status. I really listen to what God wants me to do and make sure that everything I do is pleasing to God. The status of an elder's wife is not "buy one, get one free" (meaning once an elder serves in a church, his wife naturally becomes the respected leader too), but I think it is more God's destiny in my life.
My faith made me learn the order of life: God, family, ministry, and work. I have a ubiquitous relationship with God. Sometimes, when I think of Him, I feel loved and say to him, "Lord, I love you so much!”
Christian Times: As an elder's wife, you have to take part in front-line ministry and teach your children. How do you face these two challenges?
Zhen Xi: I am very grateful that God has given me a husband who loves me so much. During our marriage journey with so many dangers, we were so poor that we were left with each other, but we never had the idea of separation. Instead, we could see the importance of soul mates more deeply. In the ministry, we don't interfere with each other. He also makes me happy to serve in all positions and do what I like and what God wants me to do. So I don't need to care about the labels that others put on me.
I cook breakfast with 20 ingredients almost every day to let my husband and children know that I can actually order food for them, but because I love them and because the morning is the time when the three of us can get together, I am willing to create a more beautiful time. My husband and I took care of my baby son without the help of others since I was allowed to leave the hospital. After the first month of his birth, I took him with me to serve small groups without delay. My children could get along with both adults and children. We also witnessed how God cared about us by reducing our burdens. We also led more sisters in the workplace to be more confident and serve the loving Father while raising children.
In the past, I participated in chain salons for general modeling and image management, but once I started to believe in God, I realized the beauty that God created for every woman. Therefore, whether I was pastoring sisters or myself, I could find the unique highlights of God in ourselves so that every sister could really see what she had, not what she didn't have. So I would dress myself properly every day and encourage my sisters to understand and see their own highlights and uniqueness.
Women are endowed with many roles by nature, and they are expected to be able to cope with them in every role. I didn't care about that before, but I finally found out that it was the best role God had given me. I saw that God loved each of His daughters and that God himself has become the rock and strong backing of His daughters. Additionally, I noticed that because of Him, despite playing multiple roles, we could experience true spiritual freedom and fulfill our God-given destiny.
- Translated by Charlie Li
Wife of South China Church Elder: Beautiful Life After Valley of Death
