Editor's note: June 19th, 2022 is Father’s Day. Christian Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper, interviewed Christian fathers from different provinces and hoped that their reflections bring grace, hope, and strength to our readers who are fathers.
The following is about Ming’s dad from Jiangsu Province, who is a bookstore owner. To everyone who knows him, he is an ambitious young man who loves reading and sharing. His colleagues testify that he is good at doing housework. In child-rearing, he often shows delicate love and gives companionship to his child, which is approved by many friends.
The following is the interview:
Christian Times: What do you think of the role that fathers should play in children’s lives?
Ming: My child will be three years old soon, and it’s a boy. I think in my role I should first of all set an example for him because my children like to imitate my various behaviors, including the way I walk or speak. Secondly, the father is an educator. When a child grows up, it is easy for them to acquire bad habits so the father needs to correct them at any time. For Christians, fathers should especially introduce their Heavenly Father to their children.
Thirdly, the father is a giver including giving the child material things such as food and drink or toys and books. I should give love to my child, which is also very important. Fourthly, the father is the guide of the child. When the child encounters a problem, he should provide the child with an answer and find a way out. Fifthly, the father is the protector of the child. When the child is bullied or in danger, he can provide the most basic help so that the child can have a sense of security in this world. Last, a father should be a friend of his children not only in a vertical relationship but also in a horizontal friendship where he can open his heart and exchange many thoughts. Everyone who is a father will have a lot of experience. In fact, it is the father who gains more in the process of child-rearing.
Christian Times: What do you think are the most important elements of being a father who lives up to God’s expectations?
Ming: I think if I want to be a father after God's heart, I must first really know God. If you don’t even know God yourself, you don’t speak of how to be a father after God’s heart. However, knowing God is a difficult lesson, and it is something we have to do all our lives.
Secondly, you need to truly love your family, your wife, and your children and put the love taught in your faith into practice in your real life.
Third, you need to control your impulsivity well. Family life will make us show a lot of our impulsivity and raising children will show even more of it. Children are out of our control, and sometimes they might want to rebel against you, so you must control your temper well. If you do have impulsivity, you must apologize in time and get your child’s forgiveness.
Fourthly, you should live well and love life. If you don’t love life, how can you make your children love life? How we live will affect how our children will live - that is basically certain. Therefore, we must find a way to learn to like our life, live out the beautiful image of God, and enjoy the abundance given by God.
Christian Times: As a father, how do you communicate with your child?
Ming: This question is too challenging. Every communication with children often ends in failure. However, once in a while, it will have a good effect. To communicate with children, the most important thing is to have patience and the other is to have wisdom. Because we are not always wise so we have to be patient. Wisdom helps us find an effective way to communicate with children, and patience allows us to have enough time to find this wisdom. Every child is different, and what worked last time probably won’t work this time. Learn to divert your child’s attention and use something else to change their current mind.
For example, if they don’t want to sleep, put their favorite toy on the bed. Or if they don’t want to close their eyes and want to see the stars over the roof, tell them that they can see them, but they can only watch them 10 times. If I count from one to ten, my child has to close their eyes. Another example, if they want to play all the time, just tell them that they can play, but ‘only one more time or I will take away the toys now. There are too many methods, which don’t always work, and children have a strong resistance to instructions. If one method is used several times, it will probably become useless so we have to keep thinking of new methods.
However, it is a very interesting process to fight with children, and we don’t have to convince them every time. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to lose to them? Isn’t even our Heavenly Father often “defeated” by us sinners? So, just enjoy this process, and children won’t have any irreparable tragedy just because they don’t listen to us once or twice.
Christian Times: How are you doing in giving your child love discipline and reward?
Ming: At present, my child is too young and not sensible. I still let him play more and enjoy the present time. Give him some simple rules, such as when to go to bed and when to get up. If you are obedient, your father can play with you. These kinds of simple rules and rewards.
Christian Times: What do you think of the importance of a father’s company with his children?
Ming: Personally, I think it’s rather very important. I prefer to accompany my child and enjoy the time. Although sometimes I hate my child being so clingy, it’s more often that I enjoy the feeling of being stuck by a child. My request for myself is that as long as I am at home at night and there is nothing special, I will put my child to bed. Of course, because there is only one child now, you can do this. If I have two children in the future, I don’t know what I will do. In addition, if there are no special circumstances, I always dress my child in the morning. Because the time at home is really limited, I hope I can use it to accompany my children.
Christian Times: Please share one thing between you and your child that touched you or is memorable.
Ming: I can’t think of anything specific, but sometimes I think it’s really a very happy thing to have children, a very happy thing. Looking at my child is like looking at myself; How I love this child, I believe, will be the same as how the Heavenly Father loves me. I believe even more. I will have a truer understanding of His love. No matter what happens, the Father always wants me to live better. This is the truth of everything in life!
-Translated by Charlie Li
编者按：6月19日是今年的父亲节，小编与来自不同省份的基督徒父亲进行了交流与分享。盼望借着不同人的分享给正在做父亲的你，带去恩典、盼望和力量。
以下这位是来自江苏的小明爸。他是一间书店的老板，在大家眼中，他是一个爱读书与分享的有志青年，身边的同事也常见证他是非常会做家务的弟兄。在育儿的过程中也常常体现出对孩子细腻入微的爱与陪伴，得到身边很多朋友的见证。
以下是与他的对话摘要：
问： 您怎么看父亲在孩子人生中要扮演的角色？
我家孩子马上3岁了，是个男孩。我觉得，父亲的角色首先是榜样，因为我家孩子非常喜欢模仿我的各种行为，包括走路的方式、说法方式等等。其次父亲是教育者，孩子在成长的过程中，很容易学会一些不好的习惯，需要父亲随时进行指正；对于基督徒来说，父亲尤其要把天上的父亲介绍给孩子。
再次，父亲还是给予者，包括给予孩子物质，比如吃喝所用的东西，以及玩具书籍等；还有就是给予孩子爱，这个也很重要。第四，父亲还是孩子的引导者，当孩子遇到问题的时候，要给孩子提供答案、找到出路。第五，父亲还是孩子的保护者，当孩子遭到欺负或者危险的时候，能够提供最基本的帮助，让孩子活在这个世界上能有一种安全感。第六，父亲还要做孩子的朋友，不只是垂直的关系，还需要建立水平的友谊，可以敞开心一起交流很多心里面的想法。每个人做父亲都会有很多体会，其实收获更多的反而是自己。
问: 您觉得做一个合上帝心意的父亲，最重要的几个要素是什么？
我觉得想要做一个合上帝心意的父亲，首先要真的认识上帝。连自己都不认识上帝，就不用谈如何做合上帝心意的父亲了。但是，认识上帝本身就是很难的功课，是我们要一辈子都去做的事情。
其次，需要真实地爱自己的家，爱自己的妻子，爱自己的孩子，把信仰中所教导的爱，用自己真实的生活实践出来。
第三，需要很好地控制自己的血气。进入家庭会让我们的血气表露出来很大一部分，养孩子会更加把我们的血气表露出来，孩子不受我们的控制，甚至有时候总喜欢跟你唱反调，所以你必须很好地控制自己的血气，如果真的发了血气，那就一定要及时道歉，很好地得到孩子的原谅。
第四，自己要很好地生活，热爱生活，你都不热爱生活，你怎么让孩子热爱生活呢？我们活得怎么样，我们的孩子也会活得怎么样，这基本上是一定的。所以，一定要想办法让自己喜欢自己的生活，活出神的形象的美好，活出神所给的丰盛。
问： 作为父亲，您是如何与孩子沟通的呢？效果怎么样？
这个问题太挑战，每次与孩子沟通，常常是以失败而告终的。不过，偶尔有几次，也会有不错的效果。跟孩子沟通，最主要的就是要有耐心，另外就是要有智慧。因为我们不总是有智慧，所以才要有耐心。智慧是帮助我们找到有效的跟孩子沟通的方式，耐心是让我们可以有足够的时间找到这个智慧。每个孩子都不一样，而且上次有效的方式，这次很可能就没有效果了。要学会转移孩子的注意力，用别的东西来改变他现在的想法。
比如，他不想睡觉，那就把他最喜欢的玩具放到床上。比如他不想闭上眼睛，想看房顶上的星星，那就跟他说，可以看，但是只能看10下，从一数到十就得闭上眼睛了。比如说，他想一直玩，就跟他说，可以玩，但是只能再玩一次，不然现在就给你把玩具收走。方法太多，并不是每次都有效果，而且孩子“免疫力”很强，一个方法用上几次，很可能就没用了，得不断想新的方法。
不过，与孩子斗智斗勇是很有意思的过程，我们也没必要非要每次都说服孩子，败给孩子不也是很美好的事情吗？就连我们的天父不也是常常败给我们这些罪人吗？所以，享受这个过程就可以了，孩子又不会因为一两次不听我们的话，就发生什么难以弥补的悲剧。
问: 您在给予孩子爱的纪律和表扬的方面做的怎么样？
我现在孩子还太小，不太懂事，现在更多还是放任他多玩，享受现在的时光。会给他一些简单的规定，比如几点要睡觉，几点要起床，听话的话爸爸可以陪你玩，这一类的简单的规定和表扬吧。
问: 你如何看待父亲对孩子的陪伴的重要性？
我个人觉得还是非常重要的，我个人也比较喜欢陪伴孩子，也比较享受这个过程。虽然有时候也比较讨厌孩子那么粘人，但是更多的时候还是比较享受被孩子粘着的感觉。我给自己的要求是，只要我晚上在家，没有特别的事情，都是我哄孩子睡觉。当然，因为现在只有一个孩子，可以这么做，以后如果有了两个孩子，不知道会怎么做。另外就是，如果没有特殊情况，早上给孩子穿衣服，也都是我去穿。因为在家的时间实在有限，所以希望能利用这些时间来陪伴孩子吧。
问: 请分享一下您和孩子之间让您感动或者值得纪念的一件事。
没能想到什么具体的事情，不过，有时候觉得，能够有孩子，确实是一件很开心的事情，很幸福的事情吧。看着孩子，就像看着自己；我怎么爱这个孩子，相信天父也怎么爱着我，甚至更加爱着我，对天父的爱会有更真实的认识。不论怎么样，不论发生什么事情，天父总是希望我活得更好。人生遇到的所有的事情，都是这个道理吧！
父亲节访谈：一位书店老板的为父心得
Editor's note: June 19th, 2022 is Father’s Day. Christian Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper, interviewed Christian fathers from different provinces and hoped that their reflections bring grace, hope, and strength to our readers who are fathers.
The following is about Ming’s dad from Jiangsu Province, who is a bookstore owner. To everyone who knows him, he is an ambitious young man who loves reading and sharing. His colleagues testify that he is good at doing housework. In child-rearing, he often shows delicate love and gives companionship to his child, which is approved by many friends.
The following is the interview:
Christian Times: What do you think of the role that fathers should play in children’s lives?
Ming: My child will be three years old soon, and it’s a boy. I think in my role I should first of all set an example for him because my children like to imitate my various behaviors, including the way I walk or speak. Secondly, the father is an educator. When a child grows up, it is easy for them to acquire bad habits so the father needs to correct them at any time. For Christians, fathers should especially introduce their Heavenly Father to their children.
Thirdly, the father is a giver including giving the child material things such as food and drink or toys and books. I should give love to my child, which is also very important. Fourthly, the father is the guide of the child. When the child encounters a problem, he should provide the child with an answer and find a way out. Fifthly, the father is the protector of the child. When the child is bullied or in danger, he can provide the most basic help so that the child can have a sense of security in this world. Last, a father should be a friend of his children not only in a vertical relationship but also in a horizontal friendship where he can open his heart and exchange many thoughts. Everyone who is a father will have a lot of experience. In fact, it is the father who gains more in the process of child-rearing.
Christian Times: What do you think are the most important elements of being a father who lives up to God’s expectations?
Ming: I think if I want to be a father after God's heart, I must first really know God. If you don’t even know God yourself, you don’t speak of how to be a father after God’s heart. However, knowing God is a difficult lesson, and it is something we have to do all our lives.
Secondly, you need to truly love your family, your wife, and your children and put the love taught in your faith into practice in your real life.
Third, you need to control your impulsivity well. Family life will make us show a lot of our impulsivity and raising children will show even more of it. Children are out of our control, and sometimes they might want to rebel against you, so you must control your temper well. If you do have impulsivity, you must apologize in time and get your child’s forgiveness.
Fourthly, you should live well and love life. If you don’t love life, how can you make your children love life? How we live will affect how our children will live - that is basically certain. Therefore, we must find a way to learn to like our life, live out the beautiful image of God, and enjoy the abundance given by God.
Christian Times: As a father, how do you communicate with your child?
Ming: This question is too challenging. Every communication with children often ends in failure. However, once in a while, it will have a good effect. To communicate with children, the most important thing is to have patience and the other is to have wisdom. Because we are not always wise so we have to be patient. Wisdom helps us find an effective way to communicate with children, and patience allows us to have enough time to find this wisdom. Every child is different, and what worked last time probably won’t work this time. Learn to divert your child’s attention and use something else to change their current mind.
For example, if they don’t want to sleep, put their favorite toy on the bed. Or if they don’t want to close their eyes and want to see the stars over the roof, tell them that they can see them, but they can only watch them 10 times. If I count from one to ten, my child has to close their eyes. Another example, if they want to play all the time, just tell them that they can play, but ‘only one more time or I will take away the toys now. There are too many methods, which don’t always work, and children have a strong resistance to instructions. If one method is used several times, it will probably become useless so we have to keep thinking of new methods.
However, it is a very interesting process to fight with children, and we don’t have to convince them every time. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to lose to them? Isn’t even our Heavenly Father often “defeated” by us sinners? So, just enjoy this process, and children won’t have any irreparable tragedy just because they don’t listen to us once or twice.
Christian Times: How are you doing in giving your child love discipline and reward?
Ming: At present, my child is too young and not sensible. I still let him play more and enjoy the present time. Give him some simple rules, such as when to go to bed and when to get up. If you are obedient, your father can play with you. These kinds of simple rules and rewards.
Christian Times: What do you think of the importance of a father’s company with his children?
Ming: Personally, I think it’s rather very important. I prefer to accompany my child and enjoy the time. Although sometimes I hate my child being so clingy, it’s more often that I enjoy the feeling of being stuck by a child. My request for myself is that as long as I am at home at night and there is nothing special, I will put my child to bed. Of course, because there is only one child now, you can do this. If I have two children in the future, I don’t know what I will do. In addition, if there are no special circumstances, I always dress my child in the morning. Because the time at home is really limited, I hope I can use it to accompany my children.
Christian Times: Please share one thing between you and your child that touched you or is memorable.
Ming: I can’t think of anything specific, but sometimes I think it’s really a very happy thing to have children, a very happy thing. Looking at my child is like looking at myself; How I love this child, I believe, will be the same as how the Heavenly Father loves me. I believe even more. I will have a truer understanding of His love. No matter what happens, the Father always wants me to live better. This is the truth of everything in life!
-Translated by Charlie Li
Father’s Day Interview: Christian Bookstore Owner’s Fatherhood Reflection
