As time passes quickly, I've been serving God for five or six years. I still remember that summer when I was 19 years old, I had always wanted to make a living away from home, but I finally gave up my childhood dream. I cried and hesitated until I got involved in a ministry and gradually realized the meaning and pursuit of life.
I started my ministry with passion, but I have experienced countless hardships, such as being looked down upon by others, reprimanded by elders, ridiculed by peers, and indifferent by relatives. I know it's not the end of the road, my hope is always ahead.
In 2018, I was dedicated to serving, with strong support from my parents, without any hindrance or pressure. When I first started to serve, I realized the hardships of serving. I not only had to do well in preaching but also had to visit believers and help with farm work in my spare time. Many people did not understand my work when I was 19 years ago. They kept saying: "You can do a lot of things at a young age, and you can wait until you retire to serve". As a young person, I felt heartbroken because I always cared about others' judgment and criticism.
Since then, I have crucified my uninhibited inner self and gotten involved in the ministry in a down-to-earth manner. On the one hand, I was constantly equipping myself, and on the other hand, I understood the gap between myself and others. I once tried to imitate others' preaching styles, feeling that theirs were better than mine, but eventually, I realized that serving is not about imitating, but about experiencing God.
One of the things that made me feel bad about myself was my zits which were all over my face. Seeing this, some female Christians would ask me what was wrong with my face and if I needed treatment, saying it looked serious or something like that. My fragile psychological defenses just burst.
With these external problems affecting my mood in the ministry, I was forced to rest for some time. My parents took me to get treatment, medicine, cosmetics and take Chinese medicine. Now think about it, these detours may be part of our life and we must take them. Without those detours, you might not have experienced so much in life; God puts problems on you, reminding you not to forget to rely on Him.
I’ve encountered many problems in the ministry, such as marriage, family, children, relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, peer relationships, lack of wealth, problems in my team, the church model in need of transformation, and lack of responsible workers. Sometimes I can do nothing but pray.
Especially in this post-epidemic era, we always feel that the biggest obstacle is the pandemic, and the biggest problem is outside. But when we look back, some of the problems in the church are caused by people. It may be due to poor management, lax governance, lack of direction and goals, no sense of responsibility and mission, and mainly cherishing their own gains and losses. We blindly “take care of ourselves”, which is a crisis within a crisis.
Having not been involved in ministry for long, I have come through many lows. Sometimes I desired to carry out a ministry, but I was rejected as they thought I was not qualified; other times I made some suggestions, which ended up being a one-vote veto. Admitting my own problems, I try to find a way out, as I don't want to suppress myself. I also constantly remind myself that the motivation for serving is from God and that if I look to people, I will stumble.
May God guard my eyes and heart. What the future holds, I ask God for his mercy that he will always lead me when I walk through mountains and valleys.
- Translated by Leo Liu
时间很快，服事之路已经有五六个年头。记得是那个夏天，当时十九岁，曾一味地想出去闯荡，最终放弃了儿时的梦想。哭泣过，彷徨过，直到参与服事才逐渐发生人生的意义和追求。
一腔热血地走进服事，却经历了无数次的打倒——被人看不起，被长辈训斥，被同辈冷嘲热讽，被亲人冷漠。我知道这条路我还没有走到终点，我的盼望一直在前方。
2018年的我，一心向着服事，父母大力支持，没有拦阻，没有任何压力的。初踏入服事，才知服事的艰辛，不仅仅要做好讲台的工作，而且闲时还要去到弟兄姊妹家里探访，帮忙干一些农活。当时自己十九岁，有许多人不理解说：年纪轻轻干什么不好。服事可以等到退休以后再说。当时听了这样一番话，心里备受打击。年少的我，总是会在意他人的评价和指责。
从那以后，我就收起了内心的放荡不羁，踏踏实实地做服事。一方面不断地装备，一方面了解自己和别人的差距——曾经也一度地想要模仿别人讲道，感觉别人的风格很好，但最终才发现服事不是靠模仿的，乃是靠自己去经历神的。
19岁的我，还有一个让我自卑的地方，就是青春痘的问题。那时候我长了一脸的青春痘，当一些教会的阿姨看到我的时候，就会问我的脸到底怎么了，需不需要治疗，看起来挺严重的之类的话。脆弱的心理防线让我一下决堤。
这些外在问题影响我服事的情绪，后来被迫休息了一段时间。父母带我去治疗、拿药、买化妆品、吃中药。现在想想，这些弯路或许是人生必须走的吧。如果没有这些弯路，可能你的人生就不会有那么多丰富的经历；上帝放在你身上的问题，是因为祂在提醒你，不要忘记依靠祂。
如今的自己在服事上遇到的问题，有关婚姻、家庭、孩子、婆媳关系、同辈之间的、经济的缺乏、所在团队的问题、教会模式待转型、负责任的工人比较匮乏问题等等，有时候看到这些问题，除了祷告，也无能为力。
特别是面对这后疫情时代，我们总觉得最大的拦阻是疫情，最大的问题都是外面的。殊不知回过头来，看看教会中的一些问题，却是因人引起的。可能是管理不善、治理不严，没有方向和目标，没有责任感和使命感，反而更加爱惜的是自己的得失。如果一味地以“管好自己就行了”，这的却是危机中的危机。
我参与服事虽然不长，但走过的低谷也很多。有时候也会存在有劲没地方用的感觉——想要做一些事工，却因为自己没有资格被迫销声匿迹；想要提出一些建议，最终迎来的是一票否决。我也承认自己的问题，有时候自己没有办法去压抑自己，更多的是想要寻找出路。我也不断地提醒自己服事的动力是神，如果看人的话，我会跌倒。
祈求神保守我的眼睛，我的心。未来如何，求神怜悯，我走过高山低谷，祂会一直带领。
见证 | 服事主多年的心声：走过高山低谷，祂会一直带领
As time passes quickly, I've been serving God for five or six years. I still remember that summer when I was 19 years old, I had always wanted to make a living away from home, but I finally gave up my childhood dream. I cried and hesitated until I got involved in a ministry and gradually realized the meaning and pursuit of life.
I started my ministry with passion, but I have experienced countless hardships, such as being looked down upon by others, reprimanded by elders, ridiculed by peers, and indifferent by relatives. I know it's not the end of the road, my hope is always ahead.
In 2018, I was dedicated to serving, with strong support from my parents, without any hindrance or pressure. When I first started to serve, I realized the hardships of serving. I not only had to do well in preaching but also had to visit believers and help with farm work in my spare time. Many people did not understand my work when I was 19 years ago. They kept saying: "You can do a lot of things at a young age, and you can wait until you retire to serve". As a young person, I felt heartbroken because I always cared about others' judgment and criticism.
Since then, I have crucified my uninhibited inner self and gotten involved in the ministry in a down-to-earth manner. On the one hand, I was constantly equipping myself, and on the other hand, I understood the gap between myself and others. I once tried to imitate others' preaching styles, feeling that theirs were better than mine, but eventually, I realized that serving is not about imitating, but about experiencing God.
One of the things that made me feel bad about myself was my zits which were all over my face. Seeing this, some female Christians would ask me what was wrong with my face and if I needed treatment, saying it looked serious or something like that. My fragile psychological defenses just burst.
With these external problems affecting my mood in the ministry, I was forced to rest for some time. My parents took me to get treatment, medicine, cosmetics and take Chinese medicine. Now think about it, these detours may be part of our life and we must take them. Without those detours, you might not have experienced so much in life; God puts problems on you, reminding you not to forget to rely on Him.
I’ve encountered many problems in the ministry, such as marriage, family, children, relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, peer relationships, lack of wealth, problems in my team, the church model in need of transformation, and lack of responsible workers. Sometimes I can do nothing but pray.
Especially in this post-epidemic era, we always feel that the biggest obstacle is the pandemic, and the biggest problem is outside. But when we look back, some of the problems in the church are caused by people. It may be due to poor management, lax governance, lack of direction and goals, no sense of responsibility and mission, and mainly cherishing their own gains and losses. We blindly “take care of ourselves”, which is a crisis within a crisis.
Having not been involved in ministry for long, I have come through many lows. Sometimes I desired to carry out a ministry, but I was rejected as they thought I was not qualified; other times I made some suggestions, which ended up being a one-vote veto. Admitting my own problems, I try to find a way out, as I don't want to suppress myself. I also constantly remind myself that the motivation for serving is from God and that if I look to people, I will stumble.
May God guard my eyes and heart. What the future holds, I ask God for his mercy that he will always lead me when I walk through mountains and valleys.
- Translated by Leo Liu
Testimony: God Leads Me in Ministry Through The Mountains, Valleys
