I was drawn back into death meditation recently when a female believer, whom I hadn't seen in a long time but was quite close to, died in a car accident.
As a young, optimistic, energetic, and smiley female believer, this sister served willingly at church with thoughtful care of the believers around her and did her best for every task at work. Such a wonderful and diligent believer was lost in a car accident.
The first time I dealt with death was during my college years, when I joined a fellowship to restore my childhood faith. Just when I enjoyed God’s power, authority, love, and mercy, my father suddenly told me, “Grandma passed away."
My grandmother inspired my faith by her faithfulness, which led to my conviction of God's existence and His accomplishment in my prayer, as well as my faith in Christ.
Her passing was undoubtedly a bolt from the blue for me at that time. I couldn’t figure out why she was gone just when my faith was recovering. Isn't it true that I needed her more?
When I shared with a female believer about my grandmother's death, she told me about her aunt and grandfather, both of whom were Christians. Her aunt had shed a few tears after her grandfather died, but she laughed more. "(I know) you were gone to a better place, where we will meet in the future," her aunt often said.
Death struck me again two or three years after I stepped into the working field. I couldn't stop crying when I learned that my grandfather had died.
In my childhood, I was not that close to my grandpa. But as I grew up, I became willing to get close to him, which deepened our relationship. He was very pleased with my every visit and insisted on seeing me off. "Where has he gone?" I asked God several times.
Finally, God responded, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me,” which freed me from the painful past while directing my focus on Jesus.
Earlier this year, quite a few elderly people died from COVID-19. My maternal grandfather was already 94, whom we didn’t dare visit on the Spring Festival for fear of getting him infected. However, he still succumbed to the virus in June, for which I blamed myself hard, as I had visited him a month before his passing but let go of the best chance to preach him the gospel at the thought of there still being chances.
I repent of not trying my best to preach the gospel to my family, of constantly postponing, of failing to seize time and chances... Death once again reminded me of the importance of grasping every opportunity to share the faith.
The loss of the aforementioned sister also prompted me to reflect on death again. When faced with death, we often ask God, "Why does this happen?"
Sometimes we get answers and comfort, just like the mother of this sister, who got grace and comfort from the Lord in the days after the car accident. “Xiaoxiao (the dead’s pseudonym) always did her best to get everything done. She was always busy serving God, which caused her back to ache often. I guess God lets her rest by lifting her to His mercy."
Sometimes, we may not have answers, but God always finds a way to get us back on our feet. Sometimes we may fall into pain and weakness, but God is always present and supportive.
We cannot explain suffering, just as Job could not get an answer to his questions regarding its meaning. However, he experienced God amidst the suffering and saw Him with his own eyes.
I considered it: the problem of suffering is not in the absence of a reason or response for suffering but in the absence of God.
- Translated by Poppy Chan
不久前，一位许久不见却十分相熟的姊妹因车祸而亡故，使得我再一次思考起了死亡。
这位姊妹年轻、乐观、有活力、爱笑。在教会中，她总是甘心乐意地服事，照顾着身边的弟兄姐妹们；在工作上，她也总是尽力地去做好每一件事情。这样一位美好又勤奋的姊妹，却因为车祸而去世！
我第一次接触死亡，还是在大学的时候。从小就受洗的我进入了团契里面恢复我的信仰。就当我体会着上帝的能力与权柄、爱与怜悯的时候，父亲突然对我说：“奶奶去世了。”
我的奶奶是我信仰的启蒙者。小时候，奶奶的虔诚让我确信了上帝的存在，也确信了我的祷告上帝一定会成就，更确信了自己的基督徒身份。
奶奶的去世对那时的我来说，无疑是一个晴天霹雳。我搞不清楚为什么会在我信仰恢复火热的时候，奶奶会突然去世？这时的我难道不是更加需要她的帮助吗？
我给一位姐妹，分享了我奶奶去世的消息，她对我说她的姑姑和爷爷都是基督徒，姑姑在爷爷走了之后，有过眼泪，但是更多的是欢笑，她常说：“你走了，去了更好的地方，以后我们还会再相见的。”
死亡的再一次冲击是我工作后的两三年。有一天，得知了爷爷去世的消息，我禁不住嚎啕大哭。
小时候，我和爷爷并不是那么亲密。但是长大了，就慢慢愿意亲近爷爷，感情也越来越深。我每次回家他都很高兴。走的时候，他还特意去送我。我几次地求问上帝：“我的爷爷去哪了？”
终于上帝给了我一段话：“我若要他等到我来的时候，与你何干？你跟从我吧！”这句话让我从此开始不再纠结于过去，而是专心致志跟从耶稣。
今年年初的时候，不少老人感染了新冠病毒就去世了。我的姥爷已经是94岁了，因为怕把病毒带给他，过年大家都不敢去拜访他。6月份姥爷还是感染了病毒去世了。为此，我自责不已。5月份我回去看望他，却觉得还有机会，便错过了给他传福音最好的机会。
我为自己不竭力向家人传福音，为自己总是拖延，为自己不抓住光阴和机会而悔改……死亡再一次让我警醒，见证福音总是要抓住一切机会。
姊妹的亡故也让我再次深刻而深入地思考着死亡。面对死亡，我们时常会问上帝，为什么会发生这样的事情？
有时，我们会得到答案和安慰，就像这位姊妹的妈妈一样，在姊妹去世后的几天中，得到了主很大的恩典和安慰。她自己分享说：“笑笑（姊妹的化名）总是尽力做好每一件事情，为了服事上帝，她时常忙得不可开交，常常是累得腰酸背痛。她的离去，也许是上帝怜悯她，让她休息了！”
有时，我们可能没有任何答案，但是上帝总会通过其他的方式让我们重新振作起来。有时，我们可能也会陷入到痛苦和软弱之中，而上帝却时时与我们同在，搀扶着我们。
我们无法解释苦难，就像约伯一样，他几次叩问苦难的意义，也没有得到他答案。但是他却在苦难当中经历了上帝，亲眼看见了祂。
我思量：苦难之苦之难并不是在于有没有苦难发生的原因和答案，而是在于没有经历上帝。
一90后基督徒对死亡的思考| 苦难之苦之难在于没有经历上帝
I was drawn back into death meditation recently when a female believer, whom I hadn't seen in a long time but was quite close to, died in a car accident.
As a young, optimistic, energetic, and smiley female believer, this sister served willingly at church with thoughtful care of the believers around her and did her best for every task at work. Such a wonderful and diligent believer was lost in a car accident.
The first time I dealt with death was during my college years, when I joined a fellowship to restore my childhood faith. Just when I enjoyed God’s power, authority, love, and mercy, my father suddenly told me, “Grandma passed away."
My grandmother inspired my faith by her faithfulness, which led to my conviction of God's existence and His accomplishment in my prayer, as well as my faith in Christ.
Her passing was undoubtedly a bolt from the blue for me at that time. I couldn’t figure out why she was gone just when my faith was recovering. Isn't it true that I needed her more?
When I shared with a female believer about my grandmother's death, she told me about her aunt and grandfather, both of whom were Christians. Her aunt had shed a few tears after her grandfather died, but she laughed more. "(I know) you were gone to a better place, where we will meet in the future," her aunt often said.
Death struck me again two or three years after I stepped into the working field. I couldn't stop crying when I learned that my grandfather had died.
In my childhood, I was not that close to my grandpa. But as I grew up, I became willing to get close to him, which deepened our relationship. He was very pleased with my every visit and insisted on seeing me off. "Where has he gone?" I asked God several times.
Finally, God responded, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me,” which freed me from the painful past while directing my focus on Jesus.
Earlier this year, quite a few elderly people died from COVID-19. My maternal grandfather was already 94, whom we didn’t dare visit on the Spring Festival for fear of getting him infected. However, he still succumbed to the virus in June, for which I blamed myself hard, as I had visited him a month before his passing but let go of the best chance to preach him the gospel at the thought of there still being chances.
I repent of not trying my best to preach the gospel to my family, of constantly postponing, of failing to seize time and chances... Death once again reminded me of the importance of grasping every opportunity to share the faith.
The loss of the aforementioned sister also prompted me to reflect on death again. When faced with death, we often ask God, "Why does this happen?"
Sometimes we get answers and comfort, just like the mother of this sister, who got grace and comfort from the Lord in the days after the car accident. “Xiaoxiao (the dead’s pseudonym) always did her best to get everything done. She was always busy serving God, which caused her back to ache often. I guess God lets her rest by lifting her to His mercy."
Sometimes, we may not have answers, but God always finds a way to get us back on our feet. Sometimes we may fall into pain and weakness, but God is always present and supportive.
We cannot explain suffering, just as Job could not get an answer to his questions regarding its meaning. However, he experienced God amidst the suffering and saw Him with his own eyes.
I considered it: the problem of suffering is not in the absence of a reason or response for suffering but in the absence of God.
- Translated by Poppy Chan
Millennial Christian Reflects on Death: Suffering Aches in Absence of God
