"Don't give them the message that 'if you're not married, you're doomed,' but let them know that they are valuable and they don't lose their value just because they're not married."
Ms. Olive, who has provided marriage counseling several times, recently shared her perspective as she talked about how to better serve single, unmarried Christians.
During the interactive workshop on the second day of the August 15–19 Global Transformutual Leadership Summit, Ms. Olive shared her insights when asked about the difficulty of marriage for single older Christians in many churches in mainland China and her suggestions on how to better help singles through ways such as singles camps.
She felt that singles camps were a good way to help them. "The first purpose of singles camps is to learn how to live a single life." When asked for her advice, Ms. Olive often said that it was important to first help everyone live a single life well: Are you happy being single? Are you a responsible person? Are you able to keep your life in order? "If you cannot live well as a single person and you are always thinking about relying on others and that they should satisfy you, it is very dangerous.”
Ms. Olive also offered some insights to Christian parents who complained that their adult children did not want to have boyfriends and girlfriends and felt that their children did not value marriage. She asked these Christian parents, "Do you trust in the Lord? Do you believe in your children?" If they did, they should pray to God and entrust their children's marriage to Him instead of just repeating this topic to their children every day and not talking about anything else because they were not married or dating. "You don't understand your child at all. You just want to get them married or get them a wife, but it is they who have to be responsible for the rest of their lives and their marriages, not you. It's not you who's going to get married; you can't put your expectations on your children."
Ms. Olive felt that "leftover men and women" was a very discriminatory term. She believed that we needed to strengthen the confidence of unmarried Christians in the Word of God so that they knew that they had honor and that the purpose and meaning of their lives were not just about marriage. Otherwise, it would be very tragic for the married couple.
She emphasized that older, unmarried Christian men and women must first seek a breakthrough in their mindset and live well as singles, and the mindset of their parents must also change. After making changes, parents would find that they could read the Bible and pray with their children, and after praying, they would see many good things in their children, so they would have faith in their children that they could achieve their goals in life and believe that God would prepare a suitable partner for them.
"It may be very challenging, but that's the way it is," Ms. Olive concluded.
- Translated by Joyce Leung
“不结婚就完蛋了——不要传递这样的信息，而是要让他/她知道自己是有价值的，不是因为他/她没结婚就没价值。”
日前，一位做过多次婚姻辅导的Olive老师谈到如何更好的服事单身未婚基督徒时如此讲到。
Olive老师是在8月15至19日全球共享更新领袖峰会第二天的互动工作坊中被问当下中国大陆不少教会单身大龄弟兄姐妹结婚难的现象以及如何更好地通过一些单身营会等方式帮助到单身群体的建议时，她分享了自己的一些看见。
她认为，单身营会是一种不错的方式。“单身营的第一个目的是如何学会过单身生活。”在面对类似的咨询时，Olive老师的建议常常都是要先让每个人过好单身生活：你的单身生活是不是很喜乐，你是不是一个负责任的人，你是否可以把你的生活安排的井然有序？“如果你自己的单身生活都过不好，总是想着依靠别人，觉得别人是你的满足，这个是很危险的。”
针对一些抱怨自己成年的子女不想交男女朋友，总觉得子女不重视婚姻的基督徒父母，Olive老师也进行了一些开导。她问这些基督徒父母：“你相不相信上帝？你相不相信你的孩子？”如果相信的话那就向上帝祷告并且把孩子的婚姻交托给上帝，而不要因为孩子没结婚、没交往对象，每天就跟孩子念叨这个事情，没有第二个可以和孩子沟通的话题。“你根本不了解你的孩子，你只是想把她嫁出去或者让他娶一个老婆回来，但是之后的人生和婚姻需要他/她自己来负责，而不是你。要结婚的人不是你，你不能把你的期待放在孩子身上。”
Olive老师认为，“剩男剩女”是很歧视性的词汇。她认为我们要在上帝的话语里面建立未婚男女基督徒的信心，让他们知道他们是尊贵的，知道他/她的人生的目的和意义不只是婚姻，不然，这对两个人来说都是非常悲惨的事情。
她强调说，大龄未婚男女基督徒的思维要先突破，要先过好单身生活；未婚基督徒父母的思维也要做出改变，当父母做出改变之后，她们发现她们可以和孩子一起读经、祷告了，祷告之后她们看到儿女很多的优点，相信他们可以实现他们人生的目标，也相信上帝会为他们预备合适的另一半。
“这或许是很挑战的事情，但是这就是事实。”Olive老师总结道。
一婚姻辅导同工谈：如何看待大龄未婚男女基督徒？
"Don't give them the message that 'if you're not married, you're doomed,' but let them know that they are valuable and they don't lose their value just because they're not married."
Ms. Olive, who has provided marriage counseling several times, recently shared her perspective as she talked about how to better serve single, unmarried Christians.
During the interactive workshop on the second day of the August 15–19 Global Transformutual Leadership Summit, Ms. Olive shared her insights when asked about the difficulty of marriage for single older Christians in many churches in mainland China and her suggestions on how to better help singles through ways such as singles camps.
She felt that singles camps were a good way to help them. "The first purpose of singles camps is to learn how to live a single life." When asked for her advice, Ms. Olive often said that it was important to first help everyone live a single life well: Are you happy being single? Are you a responsible person? Are you able to keep your life in order? "If you cannot live well as a single person and you are always thinking about relying on others and that they should satisfy you, it is very dangerous.”
Ms. Olive also offered some insights to Christian parents who complained that their adult children did not want to have boyfriends and girlfriends and felt that their children did not value marriage. She asked these Christian parents, "Do you trust in the Lord? Do you believe in your children?" If they did, they should pray to God and entrust their children's marriage to Him instead of just repeating this topic to their children every day and not talking about anything else because they were not married or dating. "You don't understand your child at all. You just want to get them married or get them a wife, but it is they who have to be responsible for the rest of their lives and their marriages, not you. It's not you who's going to get married; you can't put your expectations on your children."
Ms. Olive felt that "leftover men and women" was a very discriminatory term. She believed that we needed to strengthen the confidence of unmarried Christians in the Word of God so that they knew that they had honor and that the purpose and meaning of their lives were not just about marriage. Otherwise, it would be very tragic for the married couple.
She emphasized that older, unmarried Christian men and women must first seek a breakthrough in their mindset and live well as singles, and the mindset of their parents must also change. After making changes, parents would find that they could read the Bible and pray with their children, and after praying, they would see many good things in their children, so they would have faith in their children that they could achieve their goals in life and believe that God would prepare a suitable partner for them.
"It may be very challenging, but that's the way it is," Ms. Olive concluded.
- Translated by Joyce Leung
Christian Marriage Counselor Encourages Single Christians to Know 'They Are Valuable'
