疫情后的思考丨基督徒，应跨越忧患意识走向忏悔意识

疫情之殇还在弥漫，未来的变数谁也不知道究竟能到什么程度，更难以确定什么时候可以终止。但一些地区的疫情趋缓确是一个事实。恰是这种趋缓的态势，让一些低风险地区的信徒以其火热的爱主情怀，给停止快半年的聚会找到了一个适时开放的缺口，这就是小组与家庭聚会的悄然兴起。

这个信息如同暗夜里的一束光，给我们郁闷了四个月的内心拂来了几许欣喜，看到教会恢复聚会的日子已经为期不远了。

突然爆发的新冠病毒，无疑很大程度上击毁了人们对生活的部分激情，甚至疫情期间毁灭了由神安放在人身上的良心和美善，毁灭了基督徒对上帝的追随与笃定。这对信徒和教会来说，在财务、网络、讲坛、教会制度、牧养模式、卫生意识、危机意识和资讯的透明度上，都是一个前所未有的尖锐的挑战。

既是挑战就面临着更新转变的契机，所以我们必须抓住这个少有的契机，不但要摆脱疫情给以我们的困境，更要省察过往的一切，在信仰之主面前将我们的一切都全然摆上。

巴菲特有句名言：“当潮水褪去的时候，就知道谁在裸泳。”疫情之潮虽还没有褪去，但毕竟已呈现渐去渐远的征兆，可以让我们憋闷许久的肺腑得以释放出一口舒适的气息，而正是这种时刻，恰是我们省察反思自己是不是“裸泳者”的最佳时期。

蓦然回首时不无惊异的就会发现，在整个疫情期间我们似乎丢失了一样东西，一样极为宝贵的东西。这个东西不是一个物质，而是一种意识，一种从神而来的意识。这个东西，一直以来始终被我们内在惯常的忧患意识所覆盖——这个东西，就是每个基督徒都应该具有的忏悔意识。

疫情以来，从教会聚会停止到现在，近半年的时光过去了。一些教会从牧者到信徒，一下子都懵懂不知所措，几乎都成了走失的“迷羊”。因此，我们思想和意识层面由本土文化所决定的那个叫做“忧患意识”的东西，随之成为我们的主宰，占据了我们的思想和灵魂的空间。最重要的是，随着疫情的延续我们这种忧患意识也跟着水涨船高，滋长蔓延。诸如为疫情的肆虐忧患、为疫情患者忧患、为不能聚会忧患、为教会资金短缺忧患、为传道人与牧者薪酬忧患、为失去群羊忧患、为网络人才不足忧患、为网络聚会质量忧患、为彼此不能见面忧患……

一串串的忧患此起彼伏，一个接一个，似乎永无终止。因为，我们忧患来忧患去，得到的结果依然是忧患。在忧患这条路上我们做着循环往复的跳圈和打转，而解决忧患的唯一方式和途径就是祷告。而恰是我们祷告的内容，确证了我们精神和思想上的贫乏和浓重的忧患意识。

其实忧患并没有错，甚至可以说为神的事工忧患是应当的；祷告更没有错，凡事向神祈求既是基督徒本有的生活内容，也是与世俗分别为圣和对神信心的外在表现。可是，问题的关键在于我们的忧患意识并不是出于神，而是源于我们思维深层里从老祖宗那沿袭而来的一种惯性意识。因为，这是传统习俗和文化上的一个重要内容，始终被历代圣贤所推崇。譬如孟子的“生于忧患，死于安乐”，汉乐府诗中的“生年不满百，常怀千岁忧”，范仲淹的“先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐”还有人们常挂在口头的“人无远虑，必有近忧”等等等。

忧患意识是我们文化中独有的精神和文脉，给与我们生活和事业上的深刻启迪，这似乎都是无可厚非的。况且我们的忧患表现出的是出于对基督的爱、对教会的爱、对肢体的爱。忧患的是神的家和神的产业。

但是，当我们回到《圣经》以基督信仰的视角来看，这种忧患意识不但没有必要，更是一种多余。因为这种忧患意识是人本的，出于人的意识。越是忧患距离神就越是遥远。试想，解决忧患的办法或者方案，都是忧患之人想出来的，依赖的是人的智慧和能力，即便偶有成功，彰显的也是人的荣耀，并且驱使人走向以自我我中心的道路，这样自然就促成了以人的地位取代神的地位，以人的荣耀取代神的荣耀，彻底抛弃了神。

忏悔意识其实源于圣经中的原罪观念，是出于对神的敬畏和感恩。如大卫说：“我向你陈明我的罪，不隐瞒我的恶。我说，我要向主承认我的过犯，你就赦免我的罪恶。”（诗32:5），类似的经文在圣经中几乎随处可见。也因为这样，忏悔意识成为基督教文明中的主旋律，也成为人们生活中的一种常态意识。在疫情期间，我们看到一些以基督信仰为主流的国家里，很多百姓都自发的在广场与街巷上跪地祈祷，而祈祷的内容就是忏悔。

可奇怪的是，同是祈祷，我们祈祷的内容却带有很强的忧患意识，我们就是一个劲地求神赶走疫情，求神怜悯受灾之人等等，好像神就是我们的服务员，叫你刮风你就刮风，叫你下雨你就下雨。

而他们祈祷的内容却是为自己的城市忏悔，为自己的行为忏悔……请求神的饶恕和赐恩。这虽然与不同的社会制度有关，但主要的是因为基督教文明与我们民族文化上的差异，在祷告内容上的一种反映。由此可知，忧患意识在我们的灵魂深处早已经根深蒂固，只是我们没有察觉罢了。

忧患意识是以人为中心的，忏悔意识是以神为中心的。忧患意识依靠的是人的能力，忏悔意识依靠的是神的力量。忧患意识是与罪性有关的，忏悔意识是与赎罪相连的。这二者不同的源头不同的文化文明，最后的开花与结果也必然是不同的。

在以基督信仰为主流的国家里，始终流传着最著名的三大忏悔文本，一个是奥古斯丁的《忏悔录》，一个是卢梭的《忏悔录》，一个是托尔斯泰的《忏悔录》。这三大忏悔文本是享誉世界的，不仅因其艺术上的成就，更是因其人们看到了基督信仰上的精神价值的巨大能量，看到了忏悔意识对社会与文明发展的潜在影响。这三大忏悔录虽各有差异，但都是源于圣经真理的。

在我们民族文化里虽然也有忏悔一说，但两者在本质上是不同的。我们的忏悔是对自己所犯错误或罪过的反省和悔过，面向的是受害人一方。而基督文明中的忏悔是基于人的原罪向上帝的认罪和悔悟，是全然谦卑归顺在神的面前。忧患意识并不能改变客观存在的事实，只有忏悔在神的面前才会改变甚至逆转已经发生的客观事实。这就是神的能力，是有限的人无法想象和企及的。

不能不承认，忧患意识存在于我们每个基督徒的思想和灵魂里，这是民族传统文化遗留给我们的一个精神胎记，绝不会因为我们有了基督信仰而立刻消失。相反，它会随时揉进我们的信仰生活中，驱使我们走向信仰的反面，远离神给予我们的光照。

疫情期间，正是我们丢失或者遗忘了这一宝贵的忏悔意识，致使一些信徒在忧患来忧患去的过程里，自立“山头”或者彰显自己，或者离开原有教会的牧养，或者走进异端组织，或者彻底抛弃了自己的追求和信仰。

神是奇妙的，一方面让我们民族的优秀文化在历史中传承和光大，一方面又将祂有关永恒的真理赐予被祂拣选的人。如果说前者是出于神的普遍恩典，后者是出于神的特殊恩典，那么，被神拣选的人就应该跨越本有的恩典，去接受神给予我们的特殊恩典，在神特殊恩典的光照中重塑自己。

记得，不管是基督还是施洗约翰，他们传道之始对世人的第一声呼唤和呐喊就是“天国近了，你们当悔改”，而悔改就必须确立坚固的忏悔意识。

这一点，也是衡量真基督徒与假基督徒的重要的分水岭。

Warren Buffett famously said: "When the tide fades, you know who was swimming naked." Although the “tide” of this coronavirus pandemic has not faded, there are signs that it is gradually fading away. We can breathe more comfortably after having been suffocated for so long. Yet this is the best moment for us to reflect on ourselves and be on guard that we are not like the "naked swimmers."

Looking back on the pandemic, throughout the outbreak it is amazing to see that we seem to have lost something, something precious. It is not something physical, but an awareness, an awareness from God. This consciousness has been blocked because internally we are accustomed to distress – what we are missing is the sense of repentance that every Christian should have.

The Church’s public gatherings have been temporarily suspended for nearly half a year. As a result, many pastors and believers are at a loss and have become “lost lambs.” Our culture, which pushes that thing called “worry" to the front of our thoughts and minds has come to dominate us. Most importantly, as the outbreak continues, our worries have increased and widened. We worry about the ravages of the pandemic; we worry about the patients affected by the pandemic; we worry about gatherings being suspended; we worry about the lack of funds in our churches; we worry about the pay for our pastors; we worry about losing congregations; we worry about the shortage of web tech staff; we worry about the quality of online fellowship; we worry about being unable to meet each other...

The string of worries comes one after another and never seem to end because we worry and worry, and the result is to worry some more. It is a vicious cycle that distresses us. The only way to solve our worries is to pray. Yet it is precisely the content of our prayers that proves the poverty and deep distress in our thoughts and mind.

Actually, it is not wrong to worry. It may even be appropriate to worry about God’s ministry; it is less wrong to pray because praying to God for everything is both the content of a Christian life and a demonstration of our faith in God as a Christian. The crux of the problem, however, is that our current sense of worrying is not from God but from an inertial consciousness inherited from our ancestors and imprinted in our minds. Because, this is an important part of Chinese traditional customs and culture, which has been admired by the sages of all generations. For example, there are famous saying like that of Mencius who said: "worrying makes you live, peace makes you die," or lyrics from Han musical compositions, "one’s lifetime exceeds a hundred years not, yet better one’s worrying is kept for ten centuries or more.” There is also the ancient poet Fan Zhongyan who said, "one’s priority in life is to worry the whole world's worries, what remains minor is to enjoy the world's joy;" and then the well-known catchy saying "you either worry for the future or now, no exception."

Worrying is a unique inheritance of Chinese culture, which deeply influences us in life and career. This seems to be justified. After all, our worries are manifested out of our love for Christ, for the Church, and for fellow believers. Anyway, our worry is about God's family and business.

But when we turn to the Bible and look at worrying from the Christianity perspective, we will discover this sense of distress is unnecessary and redundant because it is human-based – it is out of human consciousness. The more we worry the more distant we are from God. Think about it – the solution for those who face distress and are worrying is recognizing that they are relying on the wisdom and ability of mere humans. Even if there is occasional success, the celebration of the success is only about the glory of man. That pride in turn leads people to the path of self-centeredness. This naturally contributes to replacing dependence on God with reliance on man; God is completely abandoned.

Repentance is actually derived from the biblical concept of original sin and is out of awe and gratitude for God. As David said, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. And you forgave the guilt of my sin.'" (Psalm 32:5). Similar verses are common in the Bible. Because of this, the consciousness of repentance has become the main theme and norm in people's lives throughout Christian civilization. During the outbreak, we have witnessed that many people from countries where the Christian faith is dominant spontaneously kneel down in city squares and streets to pray for repentance.

But what is surprising is that in Chinese prayers of repentance there is a strong sense of distress. We constantly ask God to drive away from the pandemic or ask God to show pity to the affected people. It is as if God is our waiter ready to do whatever we ask.

They pray for repentance of their city, repentance from their deeds – they ask God for forgiveness and grace. Although this is related to the differences in social systems, the main difference is that between Christian civilization and Chinese ethnic culture. The content of prayers is a reflection of these differences. It is clear that the sense of distress has long been deeply rooted in our souls, but we are not aware of it.

Distress is human-centered whereas confession is God-centered. The awareness of distress depends on human ability whereas the consciousness of confession depends on the power of God. Distress is related to our sinful nature whereas repentance is linked to atonement. The two have different origins so the final results are bound to be different.

In countries where the Christian faith is dominant, the three most famous writings on confession are: Confessions by St. Augustine, Les Confessions by Rousseau, and A Confession by Leo Tolstoy. These three confessional texts are world-renowned not only for their literary values but also because people see the value of spiritual vitality of Christian faith, and see the potential impact that repentance will have on the development of society and civilization. These three confessions are different but they all derive from biblical truths.

Although confession is part of our national culture, there are differences in the nature of confession. Chinese confession is a reflection and remorse on our own mistakes or sins, and shows more sympathy towards the victims. However, confession in the Christian background is repentance of original sin and is complete humility before God. Worrying does not change the objective facts. Only repentance in the presence of God will change or even reverse the objective facts that have occurred. This is the power of God, unimaginable for finite man.

It cannot be denied that anxiety exists in the minds and souls of each Christian. This is a spiritual birthmark left to us by traditional culture. It will definitely not disappear immediately because we have the Christian faith. Instead, it will be ready to rub into our faith life and drive us toward the opposite side of our faith to keep us away from the light that God has shed on us.

During the outbreak, it is we who have lost or forgotten this precious sense of repentance so that some of us have chosen to glorify ourselves in the process of worrying. Some have left their original church. Some have fallen into heresy. Some have abandoned their pursuits and beliefs altogether.

God is wonderful. He allows our nation's excellent culture to continue and shine in history. On the other hand, God gives His eternal truth to those who are chosen by Him. If the former is out of God's universal grace, and the latter is out of God's special grace, then the chosen person should get across the grace of the present to accept the special grace given to us by God and reshape himself in the light of God's special grace.

Remember that whether it was Christ or John the Baptist, the first call and cry to the world from the beginning of their preaching was, "Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is near," and there must be a strong awareness of the need for repentance.

This is also an important watershed in measuring whether Christians are true or false.

- Translated by Charlie Li