As the Chinese Lunar New Year is approaching, under the Chinese cultural context that “upon growing up, every male should take a wife and every female should take a husband”, many single Christians are facing a difficult situation.
To Christians the special group, if they fail to find their spouse, such a situation would be more difficult for them. Since Christians’ principles around marriage are based on the Bible, the standard becomes higher when they choose their spouse. Moreover, Christians’ social networks are relatively narrow; even if their exposure to the opposite sex in different churches is relatively limited, such a situation would cause single Christians to become more anxious. If their parents are spiritually mature, they are willing to pray earnestly for their children, guiding them in an appropriate way. But to non-Christian parents, they will be burning with impatience, arranging several blind dates for their children before the Spring Festival, resulting in their children being between laughter and tears.
Ways to Deal with the Pressure of Being Single
Single Christians are not only facing the pressure from people, including parents' and other relatives' urges and reminders but are also facing the pressure of staying alone, feeling lonely, and a sense of failure which affects their interpersonal relationships. They are also under obvious physiological pressures.
At present, there is a severe gender imbalance among Christians, because there are fewer single male believers and more single female members, who become lonely and anxious. Repeating frequently, these feelings appear more often and more serious than in single male believers. Churches should pay more attention to these situations. Even if church members are having these kinds of anxious emotions and negative thoughts, we should not accuse them of not being spiritual, instead, we should understand them, keep guiding them and sending God’s grace to them. As church pastors, we should let single Christians know that it requires patience to wait for the right one, at the same time, we should help them find different valuable things to be involved with, and help them out from the situation that they may be overly concerned about the fact that now they don’t have a spouse.
Actually, to single believers, loneliness comes from the lack of love, so it is important for them to stay closer with other Christians. In churches, there is love from God and love from believers. A single believer's love is not limited to just the romantic relationship between man and woman. They may see that God may not let me have the love from one person, but have the love from church and fellowship which can also satisfy my desire and need towards love.
Unfortunately, sometimes people have used their own method in getting to know the opposite sex at churches. The results are disappointing and have brought out different hurts. In such a situation, pastors should care about the believers and talk to them. Actually, having love from just one person may not totally be prosperous. We should let single Christians know that God will never hold his love back even if they are single.
On the other hand, single female Christians tend to “compare with others from horizontal levels” with desire. They tend to compare with those who are married, under the urges from their family. Actually, God knows that single Christians need a spouse, and single female believers cannot lose their control to the desire of “comparison”. Once we feel pressured, it will be easy for us to use our methods and fall into the temptation. And once we get hurt, our desire will be twisted; and we will be bounded by a stronger desire.
1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”
There are a few things that single Christians should pay attention to:
1. Pray for his/her spirit more than praying “let me guess whether he/she is the right one or not”. We should pray “God, please let me care about his/her spirit.”
2. We should not stay closer to him/her in the name of sharing the gospel. If the gospel we share is not a testimony of God, but a focus on him/her, the consequence will bring out pain and hurt because of the selfishness and desire. We should bring him/her to God in honesty and integrity.
3. Distinguish his/her spiritual lack and hunger, helping them join the fellowship to receive in-depth discipleship.
Single Christians should not care too much about the criticisms from the family, the environment, or the misunderstandings from others. If it is not the right time for marriage, don’t get married because of what others do or say. To deal with loneliness, single Christians should build good relationships with God and with family members, and to build healthy social networks. This will help us wait in a balanced emotional environment and see his work through prayer.
- Translated by Jessie Cheong
即将临近春节的单身基督徒，是否有那么一丝丝熟悉的紧迫感再次袭上心头呢？
在中国这种“男大当婚女大当嫁”的文化处境下，结婚，是很多大龄单身弟兄姐妹正在面临的一个难题。年轻人一旦到了年纪还没有结婚，全家人就都开始着急了，甚至会动员亲戚朋友都来帮助找对象。
而对于基督徒这个特殊的群体来说 ，未找到伴侣的弟兄或者姊妹的处境更加艰难。因为基督徒婚姻价值观是根植于圣经中的婚姻观。因此，择偶标准是更高的。再加上基督徒的社交圈相对狭窄，对于别的教会的基督徒异性的接触面也是比较有限，这就更加让基督徒单身群体倍感焦虑。如果是信仰生命成熟的父母会为儿女恳切祷告，善意开导。而没有信仰的父母，则是心急火燎地在春节前就预约好几个相亲对象，让儿女哭笑不得。
单身的压力与面对
单身的基督徒群体不仅面对从人而来的压力，包括父母、亲友的催逼和提醒，而且还有来自个人独处的压力，孤独感、失败感，这种失败感有时候也会影响自己的人际关系；还有显而易见的生理的压力。对于单身基督徒，我们该如何面对环境的压力和自身的焦虑呢？又应该如何选择另一半呢？有些姐妹或弟兄确实是很需要一个伴侣，甚至在性的方面有需要，但是当神没有给她/他安排伴侣的时候，这个时候更是需要得到信仰的指导的时候。
目前基督徒性别比例失衡严重，单身弟兄偏少，姐妹比例增多。当姐妹有孤单焦急情绪往往比弟兄更加严重，而且这种情绪是常常反复的出现的。教会方面需要重视，即便他们有焦虑的情绪和负能量，但是我们不要论断他们不属灵，而是要体谅、引导并给与神的恩典。除了教会的牧者需要告诉单身的基督徒要忍耐等待，同时也要帮助他们找更有价值的事情来转移对自身没有伴侣的这个事实的过度关注。
其实单身的姐妹或弟兄的孤独感源自于爱的缺乏，这样的单身基督徒需要多亲近教会，教会里面有神的爱和肢体们的爱，一个单身的姐妹或弟兄的爱 不局限于男人或女人的爱。当一个人来到一个教会群体，他/她沉浸在这个爱的团契，久而久之，这样的爱会走进这个人的心灵深处。也需他/她会看见：神可能没有让我拥有一个人的爱，但是通过教会和肢体的爱也可以满足我内心对爱的渴求和需要。
然而，在教会中，也有一些人用了自己的方法，认识异性，但结果很失望，很受伤。这个时候，教会的牧者需要及时与之商谈，其实拥有一个人的爱不一定是完全幸福的。我们需要拥有与神的爱同在的生命历程。教会的牧者要把单身的人带入到一个爱的团体。让单身的基督徒感受到神不会因为单身的缘故爱他们少一点。
另外一个方面，单身的姐妹的私欲偏向于“水平的比较”。她会和旁边的已经结婚的人比较，受压于家人的催促等。其实，主知道单身的基督徒需要一个伴侣，但是不可以放纵那个“比较”的私欲，当我们受到群众的压力，我们就用自己的方法进入到试探里面。当你受伤了之后，你的欲望就扭曲了，会被更大的欲望抓住。
基督徒可以跟非信徒交往吗？我可以考虑吗？
【哥林多前书7:39】丈夫活着的时候，妻子是受约束的；丈夫若长眠了，妻子就自由了，可以随意再嫁，只是要嫁给主里面的人。
每一个神的诫命的背后，都是出于神深刻的爱和美意，是为了我们的好处着想。基督徒婚姻的一个基本原则是只要嫁给在主里的人，因为信与不信不可同负一轭。
创世纪3章的问题，夏娃所面临的的试探是什么呢？难道你真的不可以吃那个果子吗？ 难道你不可以跟某某在一起吗？ 你看这个男人多么风趣、有能力、有才华，多么好做食物。或者你遇到一个喜欢的弟兄，这个人可能对你说，你可以去教会，我会支持你的，但是我不信。这个时候我们要知道，支持和真信是不一样的。未来你们花时间去教会，还是花时间照顾孩子，你的钱是在买车房的时候，还是奉献给教会的时候，都将引发巨大的矛盾，你就可以看出他是否真实和正直的人了。
基督徒姐妹若嫁给非信徒 ，其实最可怕的是，他不关心你的心、你的信仰，他不明白的你的信仰，那就会变成全世界最孤单的女人，甚至比未结婚的单身更加孤单。我们应该在属灵里面谨慎。要遵守属灵的原则来做决定。
有几点是需要单身基督徒来注意的：
1.为他的灵魂祷告多过“我猜是不是他”的祷告，我们应该要祷告，神啊，让我关心他的灵魂。
2.不可用传福音的理由来可以亲近他，不见证神的福音，而是关注了他，最后以受伤收场，这是私欲。诚实和正直的带他到神面前。
3.找到他灵性的缺乏和饥渴，帮助他认识神。帮助他进入团契，得到深入牧养。
单身的基督徒不要太在意来自家人和环境的批评和别人对自己的误解。若真的未到结婚时机，就不要为别人而随意结婚。而解决孤独的问题，单身基督徒要与神建立好关系，与家人建立好的关系，也要建立健康的人际网，这样可以在平衡的情感环境中，藉着祷告等待查看神的工作。
社会关怀｜春节将至：一年一度的“催婚潮”即将登陆
As the Chinese Lunar New Year is approaching, under the Chinese cultural context that “upon growing up, every male should take a wife and every female should take a husband”, many single Christians are facing a difficult situation.
To Christians the special group, if they fail to find their spouse, such a situation would be more difficult for them. Since Christians’ principles around marriage are based on the Bible, the standard becomes higher when they choose their spouse. Moreover, Christians’ social networks are relatively narrow; even if their exposure to the opposite sex in different churches is relatively limited, such a situation would cause single Christians to become more anxious. If their parents are spiritually mature, they are willing to pray earnestly for their children, guiding them in an appropriate way. But to non-Christian parents, they will be burning with impatience, arranging several blind dates for their children before the Spring Festival, resulting in their children being between laughter and tears.
Ways to Deal with the Pressure of Being Single
Single Christians are not only facing the pressure from people, including parents' and other relatives' urges and reminders but are also facing the pressure of staying alone, feeling lonely, and a sense of failure which affects their interpersonal relationships. They are also under obvious physiological pressures.
At present, there is a severe gender imbalance among Christians, because there are fewer single male believers and more single female members, who become lonely and anxious. Repeating frequently, these feelings appear more often and more serious than in single male believers. Churches should pay more attention to these situations. Even if church members are having these kinds of anxious emotions and negative thoughts, we should not accuse them of not being spiritual, instead, we should understand them, keep guiding them and sending God’s grace to them. As church pastors, we should let single Christians know that it requires patience to wait for the right one, at the same time, we should help them find different valuable things to be involved with, and help them out from the situation that they may be overly concerned about the fact that now they don’t have a spouse.
Actually, to single believers, loneliness comes from the lack of love, so it is important for them to stay closer with other Christians. In churches, there is love from God and love from believers. A single believer's love is not limited to just the romantic relationship between man and woman. They may see that God may not let me have the love from one person, but have the love from church and fellowship which can also satisfy my desire and need towards love.
Unfortunately, sometimes people have used their own method in getting to know the opposite sex at churches. The results are disappointing and have brought out different hurts. In such a situation, pastors should care about the believers and talk to them. Actually, having love from just one person may not totally be prosperous. We should let single Christians know that God will never hold his love back even if they are single.
On the other hand, single female Christians tend to “compare with others from horizontal levels” with desire. They tend to compare with those who are married, under the urges from their family. Actually, God knows that single Christians need a spouse, and single female believers cannot lose their control to the desire of “comparison”. Once we feel pressured, it will be easy for us to use our methods and fall into the temptation. And once we get hurt, our desire will be twisted; and we will be bounded by a stronger desire.
1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”
There are a few things that single Christians should pay attention to:
1. Pray for his/her spirit more than praying “let me guess whether he/she is the right one or not”. We should pray “God, please let me care about his/her spirit.”
2. We should not stay closer to him/her in the name of sharing the gospel. If the gospel we share is not a testimony of God, but a focus on him/her, the consequence will bring out pain and hurt because of the selfishness and desire. We should bring him/her to God in honesty and integrity.
3. Distinguish his/her spiritual lack and hunger, helping them join the fellowship to receive in-depth discipleship.
Single Christians should not care too much about the criticisms from the family, the environment, or the misunderstandings from others. If it is not the right time for marriage, don’t get married because of what others do or say. To deal with loneliness, single Christians should build good relationships with God and with family members, and to build healthy social networks. This will help us wait in a balanced emotional environment and see his work through prayer.
- Translated by Jessie Cheong
As Chinese Lunar New Year is Coming, Annual Trend of “Being Pressured to Get Married” Ready to Begin
