Recently, a pastor's wife in South China shared the subject of playing the pastor's wife and mother roles.
Huang Mengai (pseudonym) and her pastor husband have been serving in the church for more than 20 years and have a son and a daughter who are in middle and high school. The couple has served the church together as colleagues and has been recognized by the church congregation.
The following is an excerpt from an interview between Mrs. Huang and the Christian Times, an online Christian newspaper in China:
Christian Times: What insights have you gained over the years in fulfilling the roles of a wife and a mother?
Huang Meng'ai: My husband has dedicated himself to the work of the church, and I have had to undertake all the minor household tasks. I view the role of a wife or a mother as a full-time caregiver who is committed to supporting her children at home and looking after the family.
Christian Times: What challenges do you face as a pastor's wife and a mother in the church?
Huang Meng'ai: From a marital perspective, the primary duty of a pastor's wife in the church is to support her husband. This is because many ministries in the church are more convenient and fruitful when led by a woman, such as home visits and marriage counseling. If a male pastor were to perform these tasks alone, it would be considerably difficult, but with a pastor's wife, the visits and interactions are more effective.
My ministry is to assist the pastor, not to dominate him. Many people believe that one must possess numerous talents to be a mentor, but the most crucial talent required in the church is love. The closest role to that of a pastor's wife is that of a pastor, who understands the difficulties of many people and the needs of many families. Therefore, when the pastor is occupied with the ministry of the church, the pastor's wife provides care in other aspects.
So, instead of trying to please everyone, the pastor's wife is dedicated to loving and helping those in need. The ministry of love is the most important and practical in the church.
A mother's love is unconditional and allows you to take as much as you want without asking for anything in return. A woman cannot evade four identities in her life: being a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a mother. I believe that playing the role of a daughter is the easiest, as she is under the care and indulgence of her parents. She can be capricious, pampered, and tolerated, and this love can be given by no one but her parents.
When a woman gets married, she creates a new family with her spouse, departing from her family of origin. This family must run in an orderly manner under the woman's compulsory management. She is responsible for the daily chores of the family, human interactions, and her husband's food, clothing, housing, and transportation.
I have observed some sisters in the church who do not get along well with their in-laws and daughters-in-law. It is not easy to leave one's family of origin, integrate into a new family with no blood ties, and give all one's heart and soul to it. Therefore, we need God's wisdom and reverence.
Christian Times: How have you raised your two children?
Huang Meng'ai: We have nurtured our children from an early age to be grounded in their faith and to develop good character traits.
There is a time for discipline and a time for pampering. However, we communicate clearly what is permissible and what is not. We praise them when they excel, but they are reprimanded for any errors. Regarding education, we do not judge their worth based on test scores. Similarly, in terms of spending, we discourage them from comparing themselves to their peers, and we provide them with adequate pocket money.
Both my children attend school from Monday to Friday, and on Sundays, they attend church services with either their father or me, as we do not attend the same church services. During our winter and summer breaks, we travel to new destinations with our children.
Christian Times: Just in time for Mother's Day, what kind of love and appreciation do you hope to receive from your husband and children?
Huang Meng'ai: I hope that they understand me; that would suffice. In the church, it is essential for believers to empathize, respect, and encourage one another.
Whenever there is a celebration, particularly Mother's Day, we prepare gifts for the female believers. Some of the sisters wish to commemorate the pastor's wife, so they purchase dresses and flowers for me. Although I find it challenging, I am also gratified.
- Translated by Nonye Nancy
近日，华南的一个师母就如何扮演好师母和母亲的角色这个话题进行分享。
黄蒙爱（化名）师母和牧师事奉教会20多年，育有正在读初高中的一儿一女。夫妻两人一同事奉教会，也得到教会信众的见证。
以下是黄师母与中国一网络基督教报纸基督时报交流的核心摘要：
基督时报：您这些年对妻子和母亲这2个角色有什么感悟？
黄蒙爱：丈夫全心投入了事奉教会的工作，我不得不扛起家庭所有的琐碎。我认为妻子、孩子母亲，就是一个在家里尽心尽意地辅助自己的孩子起居和照顾一家人的全职保姆。
我的丈夫能够全职事奉，我甘愿做一个帮助者，默默地支持我的丈夫。我把服事方面还是放入第二位，我要以家为主，可以让牧师在事奉教会上没有顾虑。
基督时报：您觉得在教会里，您有作为师母和母亲双重角色的负担，具体表现在哪里？
黄蒙爱：从婚姻的角度而言，师母在教会第一个侍奉是帮助丈夫。因为教会中许多的事工由姐妹带领是更方便有果效的，比如，家庭探访、婚姻的辅导等等。如果男性的牧师一个人去做有很多的不方便，如果有师母一同去探访和交流，这样就会更见果效。
我的侍奉是在帮助牧师的位置，而不是主导牧师。不少人认为一定要有许多恩赐，人才能做师母，其实教会中最需要的恩赐是爱心。师母最接近的是牧师，她最了解许多人的难处，许多家庭的需要。因此，当牧师在忙于教会的事工的时候，这个别的关怀，都是由师母补上的。
因此，师母不是尽量去取悦所有人，乃是尽心去爱和帮助那些需要的人。爱心的事奉是教会中最重要，也是最实际的事工。
母爱是可以让你肆意地索取，却不要你任何的回报。女人一生逃不开四种身份，身为女儿，为人妻，为人媳，为人母。我觉得为人女是最轻松的，她在爸爸妈妈的呵护宠爱下，可以任性，可以撒娇，可以被包容。除了父母，这份爱无人能给。
女人进入了婚姻，意味着从一个家庭脱离出来，和另一半组建一个新的家庭。这个家庭要有条不紊地运转，离不开女人的用心经营。操持家庭的日常家务，负责生活的人情往来，照顾丈夫的衣食住行等。
我看到在教会里面一些姐妹，她们跟婆媳关系相处得不是太好。离开自己的原生家庭，去融入到毫无血缘关系的一个新家庭里面，并且还要倾尽所有诚意，也是很多的不易和辛苦。因此，我们需要神给的智慧和敬畏之心。
问：两个孩子成长的过程，您是怎么引导孩子们呢？
我们对孩子的养育就是从小培养他们在信仰方面扎根，并且让孩子在品格各方面都有一个很好的塑造。
管教有时，宠爱有时。但我们告诉他什么事可以做什么事不可以做。你做好了以后就会有鼓励，如果你犯了错，你要接受惩罚。在学习方面，我不会以他的考试分数来定义他们的价值。在花钱的方面，他们也不会跟同学们攀比，我们也尽量给她们够用的零花钱。
我的两个孩子现在从星期一到星期五都是住校的。礼拜天就去聚会，一个跟爸爸，一会跟妈妈，因为我们聚会的时候我跟牧师不在一个教会。我们每年的寒假暑假，我们就带孩子去一个我们没有去过的地方。
问：正直母亲节，您希望得到怎样来自丈夫和儿女的一种爱和回应呢？
希望他们能给我一个理解，我觉得就足够了。而在教会里面，信徒能理解和尊重，彼此鼓励就好了。
每到节日的时候，特别是母亲节来了，我们要预备一些给女信徒的礼物。有的姐妹们说师母要过节了，给我买件衣服，买个鲜花。我觉得有辛苦，但也很得欣慰。
https://christiantimes.cn/news/39283/2023%E6%AF%8D%E4%BA%B2%E8%8A%82%E4%B8%93%E8%AE%BF%EF%BC%88%E4%BA%8C%EF%BC%89%EF%BD%9C%E4%B8%80%E5%8D%8E%E5%8D%97%E5%B8%88%E6%AF%8D%E5%88%86%E4%BA%AB%EF%BC%9A%E5%B8%88%E6%AF%8D%E5%92%8C%E6%AF%8D%E4%BA%B2%E8%BF%99%E4%B8%A4%E4%B8%AA%E8%A7%92%E8%89%B2%E6%98%AF%E6%88%91%E4%BA%BA%E7%94%9F%E4%B8%AD%E6%9C%80%E7%BE%8E%E5%A5%BD%E7%9A%84%E7%9B%B8%E9%81%87
母亲节专访：师母和母亲这两个角色是我人生中最美好的相遇
Recently, a pastor's wife in South China shared the subject of playing the pastor's wife and mother roles.
Huang Mengai (pseudonym) and her pastor husband have been serving in the church for more than 20 years and have a son and a daughter who are in middle and high school. The couple has served the church together as colleagues and has been recognized by the church congregation.
The following is an excerpt from an interview between Mrs. Huang and the Christian Times, an online Christian newspaper in China:
Christian Times: What insights have you gained over the years in fulfilling the roles of a wife and a mother?
Huang Meng'ai: My husband has dedicated himself to the work of the church, and I have had to undertake all the minor household tasks. I view the role of a wife or a mother as a full-time caregiver who is committed to supporting her children at home and looking after the family.
Christian Times: What challenges do you face as a pastor's wife and a mother in the church?
Huang Meng'ai: From a marital perspective, the primary duty of a pastor's wife in the church is to support her husband. This is because many ministries in the church are more convenient and fruitful when led by a woman, such as home visits and marriage counseling. If a male pastor were to perform these tasks alone, it would be considerably difficult, but with a pastor's wife, the visits and interactions are more effective.
My ministry is to assist the pastor, not to dominate him. Many people believe that one must possess numerous talents to be a mentor, but the most crucial talent required in the church is love. The closest role to that of a pastor's wife is that of a pastor, who understands the difficulties of many people and the needs of many families. Therefore, when the pastor is occupied with the ministry of the church, the pastor's wife provides care in other aspects.
So, instead of trying to please everyone, the pastor's wife is dedicated to loving and helping those in need. The ministry of love is the most important and practical in the church.
A mother's love is unconditional and allows you to take as much as you want without asking for anything in return. A woman cannot evade four identities in her life: being a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a mother. I believe that playing the role of a daughter is the easiest, as she is under the care and indulgence of her parents. She can be capricious, pampered, and tolerated, and this love can be given by no one but her parents.
When a woman gets married, she creates a new family with her spouse, departing from her family of origin. This family must run in an orderly manner under the woman's compulsory management. She is responsible for the daily chores of the family, human interactions, and her husband's food, clothing, housing, and transportation.
I have observed some sisters in the church who do not get along well with their in-laws and daughters-in-law. It is not easy to leave one's family of origin, integrate into a new family with no blood ties, and give all one's heart and soul to it. Therefore, we need God's wisdom and reverence.
Christian Times: How have you raised your two children?
Huang Meng'ai: We have nurtured our children from an early age to be grounded in their faith and to develop good character traits.
There is a time for discipline and a time for pampering. However, we communicate clearly what is permissible and what is not. We praise them when they excel, but they are reprimanded for any errors. Regarding education, we do not judge their worth based on test scores. Similarly, in terms of spending, we discourage them from comparing themselves to their peers, and we provide them with adequate pocket money.
Both my children attend school from Monday to Friday, and on Sundays, they attend church services with either their father or me, as we do not attend the same church services. During our winter and summer breaks, we travel to new destinations with our children.
Christian Times: Just in time for Mother's Day, what kind of love and appreciation do you hope to receive from your husband and children?
Huang Meng'ai: I hope that they understand me; that would suffice. In the church, it is essential for believers to empathize, respect, and encourage one another.
Whenever there is a celebration, particularly Mother's Day, we prepare gifts for the female believers. Some of the sisters wish to commemorate the pastor's wife, so they purchase dresses and flowers for me. Although I find it challenging, I am also gratified.
- Translated by Nonye Nancy
Mother's Day Interview: 'Role of Pastor's Wife and Mother Are the Best Encounters of My Life'
