Pastors are also ordinary people who may encounter difficulties, and they need personal space to relieve their pressures.
Recently, the Christian Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper, interviewed Pastor Xin Xiangrong (pseudonym) in East China. He is a millennial and the third-generation Christian in his family.
He started to work as a pastor in City C, East China, after graduating from a theological seminary in 2013. In 2019, he left his mother church and planted a new church. He feels that being a pastor is not easy. "Pastors are very lonely people, and they need support from different systems," he said. In addition to spiritual and family system support, he believes that they need their friends’ support.
Pastor Xin said: “I used to serve in rural churches for many years. As my pastoral experience grew, I encountered bottlenecks and pressures. However, such difficulties were often not meant for my family and believers to know. For example, when a young pastor is recruited, he needs to work with an experienced pastor, which requires a lot of running in.”
He gave an example: “On the issue of running-in between a veteran pastor and an inexperienced one, the pastoral guidance book says that it is normal to meet the alternation and running-in between the two. New, inexperienced pastors should be humble and obedient. However, it is easy to ignore that running in itself is very harmful to the new worker. Because a new worker occasionally finds himself misunderstood after an old worker completely rejects him after exchanging opposing viewpoints, it is not always because he is not humble and does not tolerate the experienced pastor. For instance, in the early years of my ministry, I had a different concept from the old one in promoting a ministry to train young people. The old pastor thought that it was not necessary for the church to spend money to train young people to become full-time pastors and then pay them again to serve the church. The proposed ministry so failed.”
Pastor Xin explained: “For a pastor, it is a kind of harm if the church staff and believers view his ministry from a worldly perspective. How should a pastor define the success of his ministry? This is a very important question, which, when correctly defined, is a kind of protection for the pastor. The worldly standards set by staff or believers will harm him otherwise. Often they will look at it from a worldly perspective: how many people attend your services, how much contribution your church receives, how grand your church building is, and so on. However, my understanding is that the success of the pastoral ministry lies in educating more young staff to serve the church full-time, opening up diversified ministries, and increasing the inner life of the believers.”
He continued, “The success of pastors also lies in their patience and continuous support for the believers until their lives mature. How to balance the tension between the practicality and belief of contemporary young people is a big challenge to me because they bear a pressure that is greater than any other generation. The Boomers’ pressure is far less than that of the Millennials, who are the middle generation.”
“As a pastor, how do I balance the tension, especially after they are married and have children, and meanwhile need various supports for family, parenting, education, and marriage within the faith? How to give them the kind of words and practical care when they are struggling is a very challenging part for pastors, because many pastors are serving under this kind of pressure. It will definitely affect their beliefs and services if they cannot find a way to relieve their inner pressures. I think many colleagues are serving from mental pain. Therefore, in different fields such as family and marriage counseling, youth counseling, and workplace counseling, we have set up courses to help people find out what is missing and fill the gaps to understand the path of unity between faith and life.”
Pastor Xin stated emotionally: “Pastors are often unable to talk about it to their families, and sometimes it is even more impossible to talk to colleagues and believers in the same church. Believers will very easily judge you. They think that you are a superhero and that you should not show signs of weakness. This means that we cannot talk to our unbelieving friends and classmates, including the classmates in the seminary, as we are far from each other. In fact, they cannot empathize with you. At present, I have four pastor soulmates of different ages who can share everything. When we meet, we will talk more about the plight of our current and new ministries, our coordination, and our inner struggles.”
“In addition, I see that pastors often have no room for their own relief. There are a number of issues affecting our leisure. In fact, pastors also need hobbies, but the mood evoked by the believers is that pastors are not to have their own hobbies. Some like to travel very much, and some prefer to exercise together. However, many believers’ eyes are fixed on them, and they think that pastors should live like saints and not have the feeling that ordinary people have. That means many pastors around me only relieve their pressure by watching mobile phone videos. That is absolutely unhealthy. Pastors should have their own private time and do some sports and activities that they like. Pastors need to be entertained through hobbies, and believers need to treat pastors like ordinary people. We have also tried to organize gatherings such as sports events in the church, but because the time of pastors and believers is often not aligned, we cannot do it in the end.”
- Translated by Charlie Li
牧师与常人一样会有软弱和艰难，他们同样需要有宣泄和释放压力的生活空间。
近日，一中国网络基督教报纸基督时报采访了华东的辛向荣（化名）。他是一位90后，也是家中第三代基督徒。
2013年他从神学院毕业后，就在华东C市的教会做牧养工作。他又从2019年开始，离开原有教会，开拓了新的教会。他感受到牧者的事奉之路是不容易的，牧者群体是非常孤独的群体，牧师需要得到不同系统的支持。除了灵性上支持，牧者家庭系统的支持，他认为牧师还需要得到牧者朋友的支持”。
辛牧师分享说：“我过去在农村教会事奉过很多年，随着我个人的牧养事奉道路的延伸，我会遇到一些瓶颈和压力，然而这种压力和难处往往不适合对自己的家人和信众诉说。举个例子来说，当年轻的牧者到了一个新的教会服事，他需要跟教会的老牧者一起同工时，需要磨合很多。”
他举例说到：“关于新老磨合的问题，教牧辅导书上会说，遇到新老同工的交替与磨合是正常的现象。对于新同工，你要谦卑顺服等等，但很容易被忽略的一点是，磨合本身对于新同工的伤害是很大的。因为对于新同工来讲，有的时候并不是他不谦卑，不去包容老同工，而是理念不同之后的被老同工全然否定后的误解。比如，在我事奉的初期那几年，我在推动一个培养青年人的事工上，与老同工理念不同。老同工认为教会没有必要花资金培养年轻的人成为全职同工，之后又要供养他们等，所以这个事工就会很难推动下去。”
辛牧师认为：“对于牧师来说， 教会同工和信众如果带着属世眼光看牧师的牧会是否成功，这是对牧师是一种伤害。牧者该如何定义牧会的成功？这个也是很重要的问题，这个定义找对了，对牧师本身是一种保护。不然就会被其他的同工或者信众的标准所伤害。往往他们会带着属世的眼光来看，你要有多少人数的聚会，教会奉献有没有上涨，建筑物是否华丽高大等等。但是我的理解是，牧会的成功在于，要培养更多的全职事奉教会的年轻同工，开拓多样化的事工，增加教会的信众的内在生命等。”
辛牧师表示：“牧者的成功同样在于对牧养人群的忍耐与持续的供养，直到他们生命的成熟。在牧养80-90后的时候，怎么样去平衡当代年轻人在实际生活和信仰之间的张力，这个对我是非常挑战的。因为80、90后，他们的压力是超过任何一个年代的。我们教会的60后70后，甚至是00后，他们的压力远没有 80、90后 这一代的大，他们正好是承上启下的一代。”
辛牧师接着说到：“作为牧者，你如何去平衡他们，尤其进入到婚姻，有孩子之后，这个时候他们在信仰当中，因着外在环境、家庭、亲子教育、婚姻各种需求。如何在他们面对挣扎的时候，将这种神的话语和切实的关怀给到他们，这是对牧者来说，很有挑战的部分。因为很多牧者他就在这种压力当中事奉，如果他们没有办法找到释放内心压力的渠道，一定会影响到他们的信仰和服事，我觉得很多同工都是带心灵的伤痛在服事。” “因此，在家庭婚姻辅导、青年辅导、职场辅导等不同领域，我们都开设了课程，帮助大家查漏补缺的去认识信仰和生活之间的合一的路径。”
辛牧师感慨到：“作为牧者，我们心里的苦闷常常是不能向家人倾诉，有的时候不能与同教会的同工、信徒倾诉更不可能。信众很容易会带有色眼镜来看你，他们认为，你是超人，你不应该有软弱。这就意味着，我们不能向你属世的朋友同学倾诉，包括神学院的同学，因为距离很远，其实他也没有办法同理到你的心。我目前有4位不同年龄段的可以一起团契和无话不谈的牧师朋友。见面的时候，我们会更多聊自己牧会困境和新建立的事工，我与同工的联合，自己里面的挣扎都可以和他们沟通。”
“另外一点，我看到牧师往往没有自己的释放空间，很多的牧师、传道人也好，他们的休闲和释放是有一定的问题。其实，牧师也是需要有爱好的，但是教会的信众对牧师的定义的氛围是，牧师不能够有自己的爱好，有些牧师很喜欢旅游，有些牧师很喜欢在一起运动。但很多信众的眼睛注视着他，觉得他应该像一个圣人一样生活，牧师就不需要有正常人的情感一样，导致我身边见到的很多牧师只能够通过看手机网络视频来排解压力，这是非常不健康的。牧师要有自己私人的时间，做一些自己喜欢的兴趣爱好的运动和活动。牧者需要通过兴趣爱好得到释放，同时教会的信众需要把牧师当作一个正常人来看待。我们也尝试过组织教会内的运动会等聚会，但是因为牧者和信众的时间往往无法对齐，最后就做不下去了。”辛牧师补充说到。
专访｜牧师也需要有自己的朋友和兴趣爱好
Pastors are also ordinary people who may encounter difficulties, and they need personal space to relieve their pressures.
Recently, the Christian Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper, interviewed Pastor Xin Xiangrong (pseudonym) in East China. He is a millennial and the third-generation Christian in his family.
He started to work as a pastor in City C, East China, after graduating from a theological seminary in 2013. In 2019, he left his mother church and planted a new church. He feels that being a pastor is not easy. "Pastors are very lonely people, and they need support from different systems," he said. In addition to spiritual and family system support, he believes that they need their friends’ support.
Pastor Xin said: “I used to serve in rural churches for many years. As my pastoral experience grew, I encountered bottlenecks and pressures. However, such difficulties were often not meant for my family and believers to know. For example, when a young pastor is recruited, he needs to work with an experienced pastor, which requires a lot of running in.”
He gave an example: “On the issue of running-in between a veteran pastor and an inexperienced one, the pastoral guidance book says that it is normal to meet the alternation and running-in between the two. New, inexperienced pastors should be humble and obedient. However, it is easy to ignore that running in itself is very harmful to the new worker. Because a new worker occasionally finds himself misunderstood after an old worker completely rejects him after exchanging opposing viewpoints, it is not always because he is not humble and does not tolerate the experienced pastor. For instance, in the early years of my ministry, I had a different concept from the old one in promoting a ministry to train young people. The old pastor thought that it was not necessary for the church to spend money to train young people to become full-time pastors and then pay them again to serve the church. The proposed ministry so failed.”
Pastor Xin explained: “For a pastor, it is a kind of harm if the church staff and believers view his ministry from a worldly perspective. How should a pastor define the success of his ministry? This is a very important question, which, when correctly defined, is a kind of protection for the pastor. The worldly standards set by staff or believers will harm him otherwise. Often they will look at it from a worldly perspective: how many people attend your services, how much contribution your church receives, how grand your church building is, and so on. However, my understanding is that the success of the pastoral ministry lies in educating more young staff to serve the church full-time, opening up diversified ministries, and increasing the inner life of the believers.”
He continued, “The success of pastors also lies in their patience and continuous support for the believers until their lives mature. How to balance the tension between the practicality and belief of contemporary young people is a big challenge to me because they bear a pressure that is greater than any other generation. The Boomers’ pressure is far less than that of the Millennials, who are the middle generation.”
“As a pastor, how do I balance the tension, especially after they are married and have children, and meanwhile need various supports for family, parenting, education, and marriage within the faith? How to give them the kind of words and practical care when they are struggling is a very challenging part for pastors, because many pastors are serving under this kind of pressure. It will definitely affect their beliefs and services if they cannot find a way to relieve their inner pressures. I think many colleagues are serving from mental pain. Therefore, in different fields such as family and marriage counseling, youth counseling, and workplace counseling, we have set up courses to help people find out what is missing and fill the gaps to understand the path of unity between faith and life.”
Pastor Xin stated emotionally: “Pastors are often unable to talk about it to their families, and sometimes it is even more impossible to talk to colleagues and believers in the same church. Believers will very easily judge you. They think that you are a superhero and that you should not show signs of weakness. This means that we cannot talk to our unbelieving friends and classmates, including the classmates in the seminary, as we are far from each other. In fact, they cannot empathize with you. At present, I have four pastor soulmates of different ages who can share everything. When we meet, we will talk more about the plight of our current and new ministries, our coordination, and our inner struggles.”
“In addition, I see that pastors often have no room for their own relief. There are a number of issues affecting our leisure. In fact, pastors also need hobbies, but the mood evoked by the believers is that pastors are not to have their own hobbies. Some like to travel very much, and some prefer to exercise together. However, many believers’ eyes are fixed on them, and they think that pastors should live like saints and not have the feeling that ordinary people have. That means many pastors around me only relieve their pressure by watching mobile phone videos. That is absolutely unhealthy. Pastors should have their own private time and do some sports and activities that they like. Pastors need to be entertained through hobbies, and believers need to treat pastors like ordinary people. We have also tried to organize gatherings such as sports events in the church, but because the time of pastors and believers is often not aligned, we cannot do it in the end.”
- Translated by Charlie Li
Interview: Pastors Need Friends, Hobbies Too
