A southern pastor's wife experienced depression as a result of academic pressure, but found healing through her faith in God. After she became a Christian, Jingwen accompanied her husband to North China, where her illness resurfaced. Nevertheless, she once again experienced recovery through justification through faith.
Jingwen (pseudonym), born in the 1970s, is the wife of a pastor and comes from an intellectual family in south China.
Under the strict discipline imposed by her father, Jingwen's sole responsibility was to dedicate herself to rigorous studies and secure admission to a prestigious middle school, high school, then a good university. She excelled and held the top position during her junior high school years. However, the turbulence of adolescence during high school made it challenging for her to concentrate on her studies. Moreover, she displayed a greater inclination towards liberal arts than sciences, resulting in a sharp decline in her science grades. By Grade 10, she experienced overwhelming anxiety that seemed beyond her control.
Following a visit to a psychiatrist accompanied by her mother, Jingwen commenced taking medication for anxiety and depression.
Jingwen admitted to previously engaging in idol worship and paid someone to tell her fortune. Once, she knelt before the Guanyin statue in her home and fervently prayed, "If there is a God, please come to my aid." One night during her final year of high school, Jingwen knelt on her bed and cried out, "God, God, if you truly exist, I implore your assistance."
Unexpectedly, a few months later, a female classmate expressed her desire to introduce Jingwen to God.
With the introduction, Jingwen began to read the Bible and pray. With intense study in high school, she could only go to church occasionally. Several girls in the class believed in the Lord together. Before the college entrance examination, they prayed together for good exam results.
Jingwen was worried that her mental state would hinder her ability to take the exams. But she managed to be admitted to her desired field of study at her dream university.
Throughout her college years, she frequently joined her fellow sisters in riding bicycles to the home of a preacher for Bible study on weekends. Within approximately two years of her newfound faith, she successfully discontinued her medication and emerged from the depths of depression.
Following her graduation from college, Jingwen made the decision to marry a fellow Christian, but she had yet to encounter her ideal partner.
Eventually, a brother who had a deep love for the Lord appeared in their church. Although he fell short in terms of height and appearance, he possessed a fervent desire to learn and was highly regarded by the pastor. Jingwen chose to enter into a courtship with him, feeling a sense of tranquility in her decision. In 2006, they exchanged vows and were joined in matrimony.
Subsequently, when their child was just a year old and Jingwen's health was not at its best, her husband was assigned to work in North China.
Despite facing various challenges, including economic hardships, they embraced their calling and relocated to a northern city where her husband was ordained as a pastor. However, due to the local church's teachings regarding the role of women, Jingwen was unable to actively engage in church service as a pastor's wife.
A few years later, Jingwen's depression resurfaced due to unfavorable dietary and weather conditions, coupled with limited opportunities for social interaction.
When reflecting on the underlying cause of her depression, Jingwen candidly admitted, "First and foremost, I believe there was an issue with my relationship with God. Numerous voices accused me, saying, 'You're a pastor's wife. What are you going to do?' Some would remark, 'Being a pastor's wife is a difficult and joyless existence. No one will understand you, and you will face poverty. Look at how poorly the pastor's family lives!' The lies of the devil overwhelmed me, and anxiety resurfaced."
In severe cases, the threat of death loomed over Jingwen. During such periods of illness, she found herself unable to perform even the most basic tasks, including caring for her child. Under the weight of the devil's deceit, Jingwen began to believe she was a burden to her husband. Satan often injected her mind with distressing thoughts, such as "You are destined for damnation."
During this trying time, God provided guidance and hope through a fellow sister in Christ. This sister imparted a message to Jingwen, saying, "God wants you to endure this hardship and experience transformation. You will shed your cocoon and emerge as a butterfly. You will soar, and your life will be renewed."
Thankfully, the pastor started to identify the theological shortcomings within the church. In 2016, he embarked on a sermon series titled "Justification by Faith."
Through these sermons, Jingwen recognized that she had become entangled in religious legalism. She began to learn how to combat the devil's lies using God's truth.
During this period, she had a sister living abroad who she prayed for daily. Jingwen eagerly awaited the sister's daily sharing of scriptures via WeChat, which they would then pray over together.
Returning to her faith in Christ, Jingwen once again relinquished her reliance on medication and gradually experienced improvements in her physical and mental well-being.
In 2017, God led the couple back to the city they had previously resided in for seven years.
As Jingwen's mother required a time-sensitive operation that had already been postponed for a month, and her father's health prevented him from providing adequate care, their return came at the perfect moment. With their assistance, her mother successfully underwent the operation and began her recovery.
Gradually, Jingwen's health began to improve as she settled back in South China. In 2018, the couple established a local church. Jingwen not only actively participates in prayer and leads worship, but also delivers sermons in the church.
- Translated by Oliver Zuo
一个南方的师母，在信仰前，因为学业的压力得了抑郁症，因着信仰得到医治。信仰后，和丈夫去了北方，疾病复发，因着明白因信称义，又得到了医治。
静文（化名），是一位70后师母，她出生于南方一个知识分子家庭。
在父亲的强势管教下，她只有一个任务就是努力学习，上重点中学，重点大学。到初中，成绩算是名列前茅。但是上了高中，一方面，青春期的躁动，很难集中精力学习；另一方面文理偏科问题严重，理科成绩大幅下降。在高一的时候，已经焦虑到控制不住了。
母亲带自己去看心理医生，静文师母就开始吃抗焦虑，抗抑郁的药。
静文师母坦言自己曾经去拜偶像，也去算命。有一次，她跪在家里的观音像面前，祷告说“如果真的有神，请你帮助我。”高三的时候，有一天晚上，静文师母跪在床上呼求，“神啊，天啊，如果你真的存在，求你帮助我吧。”
不料，几个月后，班里一位女同学突然要给她介绍一位上帝。
在同学的介绍下，静文师母开始读经和祷告。高中学习紧张，只能偶尔去聚会。班里好几个女孩子一起信了主，高考之前，几个人还一起为考试、升学祷告。
按照自己的状态，静文师母都担心自己考不了试。但静文师母还是考上了自己想去的学校和自己理想的专业。
大学时期，他和其他姊妹常常周末骑自行车到传道人家里查考圣经。大概在信主两年的时间里，师母成功戒药，走出了抑郁。
大学毕业之后，静文师母也立志找主内弟兄结婚，但是一直没有遇到合适的，就一直等待。
后来一位爱主的弟兄出现在教会里，但身高、外形都不合乎自己的心意。 然而弟兄非常渴慕，也有悟性，牧者也很看好弟兄，静文师母就带着平安的心选择与弟兄交往。2006年，牧师与师母结婚。
再之后，弟兄要到北方服事。那时候，孩子一岁左右，师母身体也不太好。
他们还是顶着经济等方面的压力来到了北方一座城市，弟兄被按立为牧师。可是，成为师母，在教会中却不能做很多服事，这跟当地教会对姐妹的教导有关。
几年之后，静文师母发现自己的抑郁症复发了。因为饮食和天气不适应，并且没有很多机会跟同辈交流。
说到抑郁的根源，师母坦诚地表示，“我想，首先是我跟上帝的关系出现问题了。很多控告的声音，‘你是师母啊，你要怎样……’也有人会对你说，‘做师母是很苦的，会抑郁的，你看传道人把自己搭上了。没人理解，还受穷，你看传道人的家属结局多不好！……’我被魔鬼的谎言压倒了。焦虑又回来了。”
最可怕的是，严重的时候，还有死亡的威胁。再次病倒的时候，自己什么都做不了，连孩子也照顾不了。而魔鬼的谎言持续袭来，让师母一度觉得自己是拖牧师后腿的人。撒旦常常她给“你去死吧”等等恐怖的想法。
在那段时间中，上帝借着一位姐妹给了师母引导和盼望。一个姊妹告诉师母，“上帝要你经历这次艰难，是要你蜕变。你要从一个毛毛虫变成蝴蝶，你能够飞起来，生命会来到改变。”
更加感谢的是，牧师开始发现教会里神学走偏的地方，2016年牧师被感动开始在教会中做因信称义系列讲道。
借着牧师的系列讲道，师母知道自己进入了宗教律法里面。在这个过程中她开始学习运用神道来抵挡魔鬼的谎言。
当时还有一位在国外的姊妹每天为自己祷告。那时候每天等着那位姊妹通过微信发来经文，然后一起祷告。
因为回到了基督的里面，师母再次戒药，因为心灵得到释放，身体也慢慢好起来。
2017年，上帝带领牧师和师母一家回到离开了七年的城市。
那时母亲要手术，已经拖了一个月，不能再拖了。父亲的身体状况没有办法照顾母亲。所以，他们回来得非常及时，在他们的照顾下，母亲顺利完成了手术。
回到南方，师母的身体慢慢恢复。2018年，牧师和师母在当地建立了教会，师母不仅在教会中参与祷告，带领赞美，还参与讲道。
见证| 一位抑郁症师母的拯救、蜕变之路
A southern pastor's wife experienced depression as a result of academic pressure, but found healing through her faith in God. After she became a Christian, Jingwen accompanied her husband to North China, where her illness resurfaced. Nevertheless, she once again experienced recovery through justification through faith.
Jingwen (pseudonym), born in the 1970s, is the wife of a pastor and comes from an intellectual family in south China.
Under the strict discipline imposed by her father, Jingwen's sole responsibility was to dedicate herself to rigorous studies and secure admission to a prestigious middle school, high school, then a good university. She excelled and held the top position during her junior high school years. However, the turbulence of adolescence during high school made it challenging for her to concentrate on her studies. Moreover, she displayed a greater inclination towards liberal arts than sciences, resulting in a sharp decline in her science grades. By Grade 10, she experienced overwhelming anxiety that seemed beyond her control.
Following a visit to a psychiatrist accompanied by her mother, Jingwen commenced taking medication for anxiety and depression.
Jingwen admitted to previously engaging in idol worship and paid someone to tell her fortune. Once, she knelt before the Guanyin statue in her home and fervently prayed, "If there is a God, please come to my aid." One night during her final year of high school, Jingwen knelt on her bed and cried out, "God, God, if you truly exist, I implore your assistance."
Unexpectedly, a few months later, a female classmate expressed her desire to introduce Jingwen to God.
With the introduction, Jingwen began to read the Bible and pray. With intense study in high school, she could only go to church occasionally. Several girls in the class believed in the Lord together. Before the college entrance examination, they prayed together for good exam results.
Jingwen was worried that her mental state would hinder her ability to take the exams. But she managed to be admitted to her desired field of study at her dream university.
Throughout her college years, she frequently joined her fellow sisters in riding bicycles to the home of a preacher for Bible study on weekends. Within approximately two years of her newfound faith, she successfully discontinued her medication and emerged from the depths of depression.
Following her graduation from college, Jingwen made the decision to marry a fellow Christian, but she had yet to encounter her ideal partner.
Eventually, a brother who had a deep love for the Lord appeared in their church. Although he fell short in terms of height and appearance, he possessed a fervent desire to learn and was highly regarded by the pastor. Jingwen chose to enter into a courtship with him, feeling a sense of tranquility in her decision. In 2006, they exchanged vows and were joined in matrimony.
Subsequently, when their child was just a year old and Jingwen's health was not at its best, her husband was assigned to work in North China.
Despite facing various challenges, including economic hardships, they embraced their calling and relocated to a northern city where her husband was ordained as a pastor. However, due to the local church's teachings regarding the role of women, Jingwen was unable to actively engage in church service as a pastor's wife.
A few years later, Jingwen's depression resurfaced due to unfavorable dietary and weather conditions, coupled with limited opportunities for social interaction.
When reflecting on the underlying cause of her depression, Jingwen candidly admitted, "First and foremost, I believe there was an issue with my relationship with God. Numerous voices accused me, saying, 'You're a pastor's wife. What are you going to do?' Some would remark, 'Being a pastor's wife is a difficult and joyless existence. No one will understand you, and you will face poverty. Look at how poorly the pastor's family lives!' The lies of the devil overwhelmed me, and anxiety resurfaced."
In severe cases, the threat of death loomed over Jingwen. During such periods of illness, she found herself unable to perform even the most basic tasks, including caring for her child. Under the weight of the devil's deceit, Jingwen began to believe she was a burden to her husband. Satan often injected her mind with distressing thoughts, such as "You are destined for damnation."
During this trying time, God provided guidance and hope through a fellow sister in Christ. This sister imparted a message to Jingwen, saying, "God wants you to endure this hardship and experience transformation. You will shed your cocoon and emerge as a butterfly. You will soar, and your life will be renewed."
Thankfully, the pastor started to identify the theological shortcomings within the church. In 2016, he embarked on a sermon series titled "Justification by Faith."
Through these sermons, Jingwen recognized that she had become entangled in religious legalism. She began to learn how to combat the devil's lies using God's truth.
During this period, she had a sister living abroad who she prayed for daily. Jingwen eagerly awaited the sister's daily sharing of scriptures via WeChat, which they would then pray over together.
Returning to her faith in Christ, Jingwen once again relinquished her reliance on medication and gradually experienced improvements in her physical and mental well-being.
In 2017, God led the couple back to the city they had previously resided in for seven years.
As Jingwen's mother required a time-sensitive operation that had already been postponed for a month, and her father's health prevented him from providing adequate care, their return came at the perfect moment. With their assistance, her mother successfully underwent the operation and began her recovery.
Gradually, Jingwen's health began to improve as she settled back in South China. In 2018, the couple established a local church. Jingwen not only actively participates in prayer and leads worship, but also delivers sermons in the church.
- Translated by Oliver Zuo
Testimony: Pastor's Wife Battles against Depression
