It is commonly agreed that pastors' ministry in a church is important, and believers can easily see their hard work and sacrifice. But pastors' wives, supporting their husbands behind, are often overlooked. They have their own names, testimonies, experiences, and ministries. Every pastor's medal also partly belongs to his wife.
The husband of Xiaoxiao (pseudonym) pastors a church of young people in a city in south China. After graduating from university and working for a few years, she accepted the call to be a full-time minister and has been in ministry for over 10 years.
With three children to look after, her monthly meetings with co-workers were usually after 10:30 pm. As she has to take care of her family and the church, she feels that there are times when she is not able to do what she wants. However, she says, "I just try my best and don't beat myself up." She believes that her first priority was to look after her children because they are still young. When they are older, she will be able to devote more time and energy to the church again.
Xiaoxiao started going to church while she was at university, and after graduating she found a job as an assistant to the CEO of a company. In the company, her faith was made public. During her work, she strived to witness God and live a Christ-like life.
She also gave part of her salary to help several full-time co-workers in the church, one of whom was Xinghe (pseudonym), who later became her husband and a pastor now.
When the church hired part-time co-workers, she began to work and participate in the ministry at the same time. After serving part-time for a while, Xiaoxiao considered taking up the full-time ministry. After praying, she thought that people had a limited amount of energy and should either choose to go into full-time ministry or work. "I said to God, what would you like me to choose? I can do either of the two."
Around 2010, Xiaoxiao became a full-time minister.
When asked if she ever hesitated to be a pastor's wife, she talked about a person who had a deep impact on her, "I knew a pastor's wife who started learning a language when she was almost 50 years old, and she used to take care of us a lot." Speaking about marriage, Xiaoxiao said that she married her husband with the help of this Pastor's wife whom she respects. The Pastor's wife thought that their would work well together in ministry, so she introduced them to each other and prayed for them.
After getting married, Xinghe was recommended by the church to study theology overseas for three years. Xiaoxiao went together to accompany him. "Even though it was a very tiring period, Xinghe was very focused. He did a part-time job and used the rest of his time to study. He was very diligent."
In order to equip Christian leaders, the school also offered classes for wives, with certificates of completion but no degrees. In order to be a good helper to her husband, Xiaoxiao took time to study at school while taking care of their newborn baby.
After graduating, Xinghe was ordained as a Pastor. and when he returned to China, He took over the church where he had been serving after returning back to China. Xiaoxiao became a Pastor's wife.
Besides taking care of her family, she also had to take part in the ministry. Her work was voluntary, with no remuneration.
Xiaoxiao regularly pastors and shares the message with the congregation, serving in the ministry together with her three children. Once a month or once every two months at a church fellowship event, she cooks meals for more than 20 people including children.
A few months ago, according to The Christian Post, Saddleback Church appointed the wife of its new senior pastor as the "Teaching Pastor", and put the appointment of three female pastors in May 2021 in the spotlight. Whether women can serve as pastors has been a great controversy within the American church.
In response, Xiaoxiao made her views clear: "The overseas seminary we attended was also very conservative and did not promote preaching by women, which is true to some degree. I do not fully agree because the domestic context is different."
In Xiaoxiao's view, if more suitable men can get up and preach, giving more opportunities to men would be better and more beneficial to the church. But there are not enough men in the church in China. "There is a great need for workers to pioneer and revive the church. Usually, women are more enthusiastic and more receptive to God's call than men, and not enough suitable brothers in China can take up the role. I think women who are older, stronger, and more mature can take the pastoral role."
Xiaoxiao did not preach in church but served in other aspects, like giving lectures and doing marriage counseling together with the pastor.
Xiaoxiao suggests that although not many men in the church in China are willing to take up the mission, churches can give more opportunities to men so that more of them can come forward.
Xiaoxiao shared a few suggestions for young pastors' wives.
"First, God sets the position of a pastor's wife as the position of prophet and apostle. It should be received with gratitude."
"Second, do not be anxious. My family has lackings, but we have seen that God provides even before we open our mouths. We recently moved from a two-bedroom to a large three-bedroom apartment. Although the house is rented, the rent is relatively cheap."
"Third, do not be hard on yourself. We may encounter things we cannot face, and there are times when we cannot fully help the church members, so try to be with them and encourage them. Just try your best, and do not criticize yourself harshly."
-Translated by Nonye Nancy
故事｜东南一80后师母的素画像：家庭和服事的双重压力下持守信望爱
编者按：牧师这个职份在一个教会里面的重要性是大家都有共识的，信徒很容易看到牧师的辛苦和牺牲。但牧师背后的师母，却是常常被忽略的。她们虽然是牧者背后的女人，但她们也是有自己的名字，见证，经历和事奉的。每位牧者的勋章也有师母的一半。相信她们的故事，也是中国教会一笔宝贵的财富。 (==当summary）
小小师母（化名）的丈夫在南方一个城市牧养一个年轻人的教会。小小师母大学毕业后工作几年后接受呼召选择全职事奉，走到今天服事道路已走过10余年。
因为要照顾三个孩子，所以她和同工们一起的月会需要放到晚上10点半后。既要照顾家庭又要照顾教会，她也感慨常常自己有力不从心的时候，但是她说“尽力就好，不苛责自己”。认为现在是因为孩子还小，照顾好孩子是她的第一责任。但她相信等孩子大一些了，就能对教会再度投入更多的时间和精力。
小小师母在大学期间开始去教会，毕业之后找到一份工作，一个企业的老总助理。在企业里，小小姊妹的信仰是公开的。在工作期间努力为上帝做见证，活出基督的样式。
工作期间，她还拿出一部分工资来帮助教会里的几位全职同工，其中有一位就是星河弟兄（化名），也就是后来的丈夫，现在的牧师。
当教会招募兼职同工的时候，她就开始一边上班，一边参与服事。在兼职服事一段时间之后，小小姊妹动了全职服事的念头。祷告后想，人的精力有限，要么选择全职，要么选择工作。“我对上帝说，你愿意我怎么选择？我都可以。”
大约在2010年，小小师母就成为一位全职服事的人。
被问到是否犹豫过要做一名师母？小小师母分享了对她影响很深的一个人，“我认识一位师母，她接近50岁开始学习语言，她常常给我们很多照顾。”谈到婚姻，小小师母表示自己和星河牧师结婚是在她所尊敬的这位师母的撮合下。师母认为他们两个人性格一起搭配服事会很好，就给彼此推荐对方，为他们祷告。
婚后，星河老师被教会举荐到海外读了三年神学。小小姊妹跟丈夫一起过去陪读。“那时候虽然很累，但星河老师很单纯，除了打工的时间，其他时间就是学习，他非常用功。”
学校为了装备工人，也开设妻子的课，有结业证书，只是没有学位。小小姊妹为了能够做好丈夫的帮助者，一边照顾刚出生不久的孩子，一边抽时间去学校学习。
星河老师毕业后被按立为牧师，回国后，接手自己原来服事的教会，小小姊妹也就成了师母。
小小师母除了要照顾好家庭，也要担当教会的部分服事。小小师母在教会的工作都是义务的，没有薪酬。
除了照顾家庭，小小师母固定在一个聚会点牧养和分享信息，所以师母常常是一个人带三个孩子去服事。一个月或者两个月一次在教会的团契活动中，她会做包括孩子在内的20多个人的饭食。
几个月前，根据《基督邮报》，马鞍峰教会任命新任主任牧师妻子为“教导牧师”，再次2021年5月任命三位女性牧师的的事件推上舆论。女性是否可以担任牧师的职份在美国教会内部产生巨大争议。
对此，小小师母表明了自己的观点，“我们所读的海外神学院也是很保守的，不提倡姊妹讲道。这有一定道理，但我不完全认同，因为国内环境不同。”
在小小师母看来，如果有合适的弟兄能起来讲道，更多机会给弟兄是更好的，对教会更加有益。但是国内教会的弟兄不充足。“对于我们呢，教会的开拓复兴，到处都需要工人。而通常姊妹比弟兄更热心，更容易接受上帝的呼召。所以，很多情况是，国内没有充足的、合适的弟兄来担当。因此，我觉得姊妹当中，有年长一些的，坚固的，成熟的，是可以的担当讲道和牧养的使命的。”
目前她的情况是“我现在在教会不讲道。但我会有些其他的分享，比如做夫妻咨询辅导的时候，会跟牧师一起分享，还会做一些讲座。
小小师母建议，尽管国内教会里愿意担当使命的弟兄不多，但是妻子们和教会可以鼓励教会，多给弟兄机会，让更多的弟兄走到前面。
小小师母分享了几点给年轻的师母们的建议：
“首先，师母的职份，也是上帝的拣选，就像有做先知，有做使徒的。师母也是一个位份，所以感恩的领受。”
“其次，不要忧虑。我们家庭也有缺乏，但是在我们开口前都看到有上帝的供应。最近我们家从两室搬到大三室的大房子。虽然房子是租的，但是房租相对是很便宜的。”
“第三，不要苛责自己。我们可能遇到我们不能面对的，对待教会的肢体，有些时候不能完全帮助，那就尽量跟他们在一起，给他们勉励。尽力就可以，不是所有的事情都能做，尽力就好，不要苛责。”
故事｜东南一80后师母的素画像：家庭和服事的双重压力下持守信望爱
It is commonly agreed that pastors' ministry in a church is important, and believers can easily see their hard work and sacrifice. But pastors' wives, supporting their husbands behind, are often overlooked. They have their own names, testimonies, experiences, and ministries. Every pastor's medal also partly belongs to his wife.
The husband of Xiaoxiao (pseudonym) pastors a church of young people in a city in south China. After graduating from university and working for a few years, she accepted the call to be a full-time minister and has been in ministry for over 10 years.
With three children to look after, her monthly meetings with co-workers were usually after 10:30 pm. As she has to take care of her family and the church, she feels that there are times when she is not able to do what she wants. However, she says, "I just try my best and don't beat myself up." She believes that her first priority was to look after her children because they are still young. When they are older, she will be able to devote more time and energy to the church again.
Xiaoxiao started going to church while she was at university, and after graduating she found a job as an assistant to the CEO of a company. In the company, her faith was made public. During her work, she strived to witness God and live a Christ-like life.
She also gave part of her salary to help several full-time co-workers in the church, one of whom was Xinghe (pseudonym), who later became her husband and a pastor now.
When the church hired part-time co-workers, she began to work and participate in the ministry at the same time. After serving part-time for a while, Xiaoxiao considered taking up the full-time ministry. After praying, she thought that people had a limited amount of energy and should either choose to go into full-time ministry or work. "I said to God, what would you like me to choose? I can do either of the two."
Around 2010, Xiaoxiao became a full-time minister.
When asked if she ever hesitated to be a pastor's wife, she talked about a person who had a deep impact on her, "I knew a pastor's wife who started learning a language when she was almost 50 years old, and she used to take care of us a lot." Speaking about marriage, Xiaoxiao said that she married her husband with the help of this Pastor's wife whom she respects. The Pastor's wife thought that their would work well together in ministry, so she introduced them to each other and prayed for them.
After getting married, Xinghe was recommended by the church to study theology overseas for three years. Xiaoxiao went together to accompany him. "Even though it was a very tiring period, Xinghe was very focused. He did a part-time job and used the rest of his time to study. He was very diligent."
In order to equip Christian leaders, the school also offered classes for wives, with certificates of completion but no degrees. In order to be a good helper to her husband, Xiaoxiao took time to study at school while taking care of their newborn baby.
After graduating, Xinghe was ordained as a Pastor. and when he returned to China, He took over the church where he had been serving after returning back to China. Xiaoxiao became a Pastor's wife.
Besides taking care of her family, she also had to take part in the ministry. Her work was voluntary, with no remuneration.
Xiaoxiao regularly pastors and shares the message with the congregation, serving in the ministry together with her three children. Once a month or once every two months at a church fellowship event, she cooks meals for more than 20 people including children.
A few months ago, according to The Christian Post, Saddleback Church appointed the wife of its new senior pastor as the "Teaching Pastor", and put the appointment of three female pastors in May 2021 in the spotlight. Whether women can serve as pastors has been a great controversy within the American church.
In response, Xiaoxiao made her views clear: "The overseas seminary we attended was also very conservative and did not promote preaching by women, which is true to some degree. I do not fully agree because the domestic context is different."
In Xiaoxiao's view, if more suitable men can get up and preach, giving more opportunities to men would be better and more beneficial to the church. But there are not enough men in the church in China. "There is a great need for workers to pioneer and revive the church. Usually, women are more enthusiastic and more receptive to God's call than men, and not enough suitable brothers in China can take up the role. I think women who are older, stronger, and more mature can take the pastoral role."
Xiaoxiao did not preach in church but served in other aspects, like giving lectures and doing marriage counseling together with the pastor.
Xiaoxiao suggests that although not many men in the church in China are willing to take up the mission, churches can give more opportunities to men so that more of them can come forward.
Xiaoxiao shared a few suggestions for young pastors' wives.
"First, God sets the position of a pastor's wife as the position of prophet and apostle. It should be received with gratitude."
"Second, do not be anxious. My family has lackings, but we have seen that God provides even before we open our mouths. We recently moved from a two-bedroom to a large three-bedroom apartment. Although the house is rented, the rent is relatively cheap."
"Third, do not be hard on yourself. We may encounter things we cannot face, and there are times when we cannot fully help the church members, so try to be with them and encourage them. Just try your best, and do not criticize yourself harshly."
-Translated by Nonye Nancy
Portrayal of Pastor's Wife: Holding on to Faith, Hope and Love Despite Family and Ministry Pressure
