Editor’s note: Suffering can sometimes seem like a crisis as well as a turning point. Preachers often say that the end of man is the beginning of God. No one can fathom God’s work, and God has a unique guide for everyone.
Recently, sister L, who has been serving the Lord for years despite suffering from lupus erythematosus, shared her "different" ministry with Gospel Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper.
Sister L was diagnosed with lupus erythematosus when she was 16 years old. The disease has been developing for 20 years now, but this year she is going through an extremely difficult time. Due to renal failure, she has to receive dialysis treatment and even faces the possibility of a kidney transplant.
Looking back on her life, she has been in despair many times. When she saw her elderly parents worried about her illness all day, but they dared not express that in front of her, she did not know where God was. But God gave her strength again and again through her loved ones and his believers.
L is the third generation Christian in her family, with both her grandmother and her mother following Christ. But before she got sick, God was just the God of her elders. Due to the fact that the poor family was often looked down upon, her mother taught her from an early age that she should study hard, and that only learning can change her fate. Perhaps it was exactly such an environment that shaped her unyielding and independent character.
L has been very eager to excel since she was a child. After she went to school, she became more and more independent. She thought she should rely on herself for everything. “Only you can change your destiny,” she recalled.
However, in the second half of the year when she was 15, she began to have health problems frequently. She had to go to the hospital every few days, so she received treatment during the day and attended classes at night. Finally, she was diagnosed with lupus erythematosus. She was forced to suspend classes, and when she looked at her swollen, ball-like body, she was filled with confusion and reluctance, “How could this happen?”
“I had always felt that I could do anything, that I could do anything, but at that moment, I suddenly felt very weak.”
L was so upset at the time that her mother took her straight to church. As soon as she got there, she heard voices saying, “Confess and keep confessing, and God will heal you”; and “you must serve God and do things for him so that God can heal you”.
Surrounded by all this information, she put her hope of healing in God. She began going to meetings with her mother. In one group meeting, they prayed together. She knew she was praying to God, but she began to wonder, “Who is God? Where is he?”
After attending the church for several years, she thought many times that God would heal her disease, but she gradually became frustrated when she did not get better. She had many misunderstandings about God and doubted whether God even listened to her prayers.
Seeing that she was young and a frequent churchgoer, the church staff recommended her to study theology. “At first I thought theology was going to be a different place of worship, but when I went there, I realized it was systematic Bible study.” But thankfully, the confusion and doubts that had accumulated in her heart were solved during the three years of studying theology.
She realized that “all those years of faith were just utilitarianism.” Then, her values changed from relying on herself to relying on God. Looking at her illness experience, she said, “If it wasn’t for such a difficult time, it might have been hard for me to surrender to God and admit that I couldn’t do anything without God.” She realized that the illness had been a blessing as well as a hardship for her. “If God had not chosen me through illness, I don’t know if I would have believed in Jesus all my life,” she added.
After graduation, L did volunteer service in the church: preaching, conducting sacraments, and playing the piano. She had experienced confusion and depression in the ministry but realized that God’s grace was enough. She was appointed as an elder last year and received an annual subsidy of 2,000-3,000 yuan.
When life was too hard, she did not know how to serve God with such weakness. “When I am weak, I don’t seem to know how to tell all brothers and sisters that God is powerful and God is healing.” But it was at such times that a sermon started, and “the believers shared with me the grace they had received after hearing the sermon as if they had imperceptibly brought me strength.”
For L, her frail body is also a challenge for her ministry, especially after her condition worsened this year. Sometimes she is not sure whether her body can handle a church service, which is exactly why she has to rely on God every step of the way.
Finally, she witnessed God’s blessing on her marriage. God gave her a husband who loved and cared for her. Her husband, though not yet a believer, supports her in her ministry and accompanies her through every difficult moment.
- Translated by Nicolas Cao
编者按：苦难有时看似是危机却也是转机。常听讲道人在安慰劝勉的话语中讲人的尽头是神的起头。对于神的工作没人能测度，祂对每个人都有独特的带领。
近期，身患红斑狼疮多年却一直坚持服侍的L姊妹，向福音时报讲述了她别样的服侍之路。
16岁时L姊妹就被确诊为红斑狼疮，病发至今已二十年，而今年她正经历极其艰难的时刻，因为肾功能衰竭，不得不进入透析治疗，甚至要面临换肾的选择。
回顾生病至今，她曾多次陷入绝望，看着年迈的父母整日为自己的病情担忧，却又不敢在她面前显露时，她不知道上帝在哪里，但神藉着身边的亲人和肢体，让她一次次从新得力。
L姊妹是家里三代基督徒，奶奶姥姥和妈妈都有信仰。但生病之前，神对于她来说只是长辈们的神。因家里贫穷常被人看不起，妈妈从小就教导她要努力读书，只有读书才能改变命运。也许就是这样的环境塑造了她刚强独立的性格。
从小L姊妹就很要强，上学后更是越来越独立，姊妹觉得什么都应该靠自己。“只有靠自己才能改变命运。”
但15岁下半年，姊妹的身体开始经常出现问题，每隔几天就要去医院，她就白天看病晚上上课，“最终被确诊为红斑狼疮。”她开始被迫停课，看着浑身肿的跟球一样的自己，她内心充满了不解和不甘：“怎么会这样？”
“我一直觉得自己什么都可以做，什么都能，但那一刻我觉得自己突然变得很渺小。”
那段时间L的状态很不好，妈妈就直接带她去了教堂。刚到教堂，她听到了各种声音：“你要认罪，不停地认罪，这样神才会医治你的病“；“你还要侍奉神，为神家做事，这样神才会医治你“……
在这些信息的环绕下，姊妹将治病的希望寄托在上帝的身上。她开始同妈妈参加各种聚会，在一次的小组聚会中，大家一起祷告，她知道是在向神祷告，但她心里却开始有一个问题：“神是谁呢？祂又在哪里呢？”
参加了几年的聚会，L姊妹想过无数次神会医治她的疾病，但面对并没有好转的病情，她渐渐灰心了，对神产生了很多误解，也怀疑上帝到底有没有听祷告。
教会同工看到她年轻又经常来参加聚会，就推荐她去读神学。“一开始我以为读神学就是换个地方做礼拜，去了之后才知道是系统地圣经学习。”但感恩的是，她心中积攒的不解和疑惑在读神学这三年里得到了解答。
她认识到“以往多年的信仰只不过是停留在功利主义里”。然后，她的价值观来到了转变，从靠自己到开始依靠神，再看自己生病的经历，她说：“如果不是这样一个患难我可能很难降服在上帝的里面，也很难承认自己不行。”她认识到这场病对她来说是患难却也是祝福，“如果不是藉着生病神拣选我，我也不知道我这一生会不会信耶稣。”
毕业后姊妹在教堂做了义工服侍：讲道、主持圣礼、司琴。在服侍中她经历过迷茫、低谷，但更深体会了恩典够用。L姊妹是义工传道，去年被按立为长老，每年有2000-3000元补助。
难的时候，她也不知道处在这样软弱中的自己该怎样服侍，“自己处在软弱里，然后跟弟兄姐妹讲上帝是大能的、上帝是医治，我好像不知道怎么来讲。”但就是在这样的时候，一场道下来，“信徒向我分享听道得到的恩典，好像无形中又给我带来了力量”。
对L来说，病弱的身体也是她服侍的挑战，尤其今年病情恶化之后，她有时候都不确定一场服侍下来身体是否能承受，正是这样，促使她每一步都要依靠神。
最后姊她见证了神对她婚姻的祝福。神赐给她一个爱她怜惜她的老公。她的丈夫虽然还未信主，但他支持姊妹的侍奉，陪着她走过每一个艰难的时刻。
身患红斑狼疮20年的姊妹传道人告白：侍奉之路是主恩的托起
Editor’s note: Suffering can sometimes seem like a crisis as well as a turning point. Preachers often say that the end of man is the beginning of God. No one can fathom God’s work, and God has a unique guide for everyone.
Recently, sister L, who has been serving the Lord for years despite suffering from lupus erythematosus, shared her "different" ministry with Gospel Times, an online Chinese Christian newspaper.
Sister L was diagnosed with lupus erythematosus when she was 16 years old. The disease has been developing for 20 years now, but this year she is going through an extremely difficult time. Due to renal failure, she has to receive dialysis treatment and even faces the possibility of a kidney transplant.
Looking back on her life, she has been in despair many times. When she saw her elderly parents worried about her illness all day, but they dared not express that in front of her, she did not know where God was. But God gave her strength again and again through her loved ones and his believers.
L is the third generation Christian in her family, with both her grandmother and her mother following Christ. But before she got sick, God was just the God of her elders. Due to the fact that the poor family was often looked down upon, her mother taught her from an early age that she should study hard, and that only learning can change her fate. Perhaps it was exactly such an environment that shaped her unyielding and independent character.
L has been very eager to excel since she was a child. After she went to school, she became more and more independent. She thought she should rely on herself for everything. “Only you can change your destiny,” she recalled.
However, in the second half of the year when she was 15, she began to have health problems frequently. She had to go to the hospital every few days, so she received treatment during the day and attended classes at night. Finally, she was diagnosed with lupus erythematosus. She was forced to suspend classes, and when she looked at her swollen, ball-like body, she was filled with confusion and reluctance, “How could this happen?”
“I had always felt that I could do anything, that I could do anything, but at that moment, I suddenly felt very weak.”
L was so upset at the time that her mother took her straight to church. As soon as she got there, she heard voices saying, “Confess and keep confessing, and God will heal you”; and “you must serve God and do things for him so that God can heal you”.
Surrounded by all this information, she put her hope of healing in God. She began going to meetings with her mother. In one group meeting, they prayed together. She knew she was praying to God, but she began to wonder, “Who is God? Where is he?”
After attending the church for several years, she thought many times that God would heal her disease, but she gradually became frustrated when she did not get better. She had many misunderstandings about God and doubted whether God even listened to her prayers.
Seeing that she was young and a frequent churchgoer, the church staff recommended her to study theology. “At first I thought theology was going to be a different place of worship, but when I went there, I realized it was systematic Bible study.” But thankfully, the confusion and doubts that had accumulated in her heart were solved during the three years of studying theology.
She realized that “all those years of faith were just utilitarianism.” Then, her values changed from relying on herself to relying on God. Looking at her illness experience, she said, “If it wasn’t for such a difficult time, it might have been hard for me to surrender to God and admit that I couldn’t do anything without God.” She realized that the illness had been a blessing as well as a hardship for her. “If God had not chosen me through illness, I don’t know if I would have believed in Jesus all my life,” she added.
After graduation, L did volunteer service in the church: preaching, conducting sacraments, and playing the piano. She had experienced confusion and depression in the ministry but realized that God’s grace was enough. She was appointed as an elder last year and received an annual subsidy of 2,000-3,000 yuan.
When life was too hard, she did not know how to serve God with such weakness. “When I am weak, I don’t seem to know how to tell all brothers and sisters that God is powerful and God is healing.” But it was at such times that a sermon started, and “the believers shared with me the grace they had received after hearing the sermon as if they had imperceptibly brought me strength.”
For L, her frail body is also a challenge for her ministry, especially after her condition worsened this year. Sometimes she is not sure whether her body can handle a church service, which is exactly why she has to rely on God every step of the way.
Finally, she witnessed God’s blessing on her marriage. God gave her a husband who loved and cared for her. Her husband, though not yet a believer, supports her in her ministry and accompanies her through every difficult moment.
- Translated by Nicolas Cao
Elder Who Suffers From Lupus for 20 Years Confesses 'Ministry Is Supported by God’s Grace'
