Jiang Peirong and her husband Lin Weiqian gave an online lecture to share the problems in a marriage and how to solve them.
On the evening of January 16, Jiang Peirong, a Chinese American Christian author of marriage books, shared three misunderstandings related to marriage, three things that destroy marriages, and three ways to deal with problems in a marriage.
In the video lecture hosted by an educational institution, she shared three misunderstandings within marriage that need our attention. First, some people think that without a spouse they can live well. We are happy when we share our joy with others, just as we like to share photos of delicious food and daily life on our WeChat Moments. Secondly, a spouse may say that the marriage relationship is not important as long as the child is happy. Only parents who are full of happiness can bring joy to a child, as we know nothing can be poured out of an empty glass. Thirdly, somebody has said that two good persons can have a successful marriage. A couple needs to work hard to develop a good marriage, just as a good body does not mean strong muscles.
Jiang also said that it is difficult for us to have a good marriage, even if we are aware of these things.
She mentioned three things that destroy a marriage. The first is selfishness. We often think our spouse is selfish instead of seeing our own selfishness. But each partner needs to think about the needs of their spouse and work to satisfy their spouse. A second problem that can destroy a marriage is when children dominate family relationships and parents plan everything for their children, whom they think as their own possessions. The third issue Jiang mentioned is the emotional baggage that persons bring to a marriage. Anger is a second-level emotion while injury, guilt, isolation, depression, embarrassment and depression are first-level emotions that we need to pay attention to.
In response to these issues, Jiang made three suggestions on how to get rescue a troubled marriage. First we can say “I need your help” instead of “You should…” Vulnerability is the key to good communication. Secondly, husbands and wives need to complement each other. Our children will benefit from living in a family where the relationship between spouses is like a zipper pulling two different pieces of fabric together. Thirdly, the harm caused by our extended families needs healing, which can prevent negative effects being passed on to our children.
Finally, she also gave a few tips on marriage management. The first was to learn to how to control our emotions; the second was to draw boundaries and carry our own loads; the third was that we can ask others for help when we can’t solve some problems; the last was to care for ourselves to prevent negative emotions that affect others.
(The original article is published by Christian Times.)
-Translated by Abigail Wu
主讲人林为千和蒋佩蓉夫妻以《十分婚姻》为题，分享了婚姻的三大谎言、三大杀手和走出困境的三大途径。
2021年1月16日晚上8点一教育机构做的视频讲座中，蒋佩蓉提到婚姻里存在三大谎言，需要每一个人去注意：
1，我不需要我的配偶也能活的很好。
就好像我们喜欢在朋友圈晒美食分享日常生活一样，婚姻里的快乐也需要与对方分享。快乐只在有对象分享时，才是真实的。
2，孩子幸福就好了，我并不重要。
家庭的幸福感需要夫妻双方共同营造，正如空杯子里倒不出任何东西，家长如果不幸福，孩子也不会感到幸福的。
3，两个好人就能有好的婚姻。
良好的体质并不代表着有强大的肌肉，同理，婚姻也需要经营，才能出现好的婚姻状况。
除了以上的三大谎言以外，蒋佩蓉还提到，即便我们知道婚姻里有谎言的存在，但很多时候我们真的很难去经营婚姻，是因为我们会遇到婚姻里的“杀手”：
1，自私
我们常会觉得配偶自私，而不觉得自己自私。但夫妻双方都需要学习“对方需要什么”，并且去为对方做到。
2，原生家庭
很多父母认为孩子是自己的所有物，要为孩子规划一切。但原生家庭往往会给孩子带来影响。
3，垃圾情绪
很多时候我们的愤怒是第二层的感受，下面还有第一层的情绪但自己不知道，所以就爆发。第一层情绪有可能是受伤、内疚、孤立、沮丧、难堪、抑郁等等。需要有认知。
知道婚姻里会有谎言，也会遇到以上这三个婚姻“杀手”，那么我们该如何走出它们带来的困境？蒋佩蓉给出三点方法：
1，脆弱就是情感连接的钥匙
夫妻双发可以坦率地向对方说出“我需要什么”，而不是“你应该做什么”。
2，拉链式的婚姻
夫妻需要互补，就像拉链把两块不同的布料拉在一起，拉链式的婚姻能让孩子看到更完整的家庭关系。
3，情感卫生
要学会处理原生家庭给我们带来的负面影响，防止负面的东西传递到新的家庭。
最后，蒋佩蓉对“如何管理自己的婚姻”，也给出了几点小建议。
首先是学会“知道怎么掌控自己的情绪”；
其次是要“分清界限”，承担自己的事情；
第三是“救助”，不能解决的问题可以请教他人；
最后是“自我照顾”，不要让自己的负面情绪影响到别人。
https://www.christiantimes.cn/news/34045/%E6%9E%97%E4%B8%BA%E5%8D%83%E8%92%8B%E4%BD%A9%E8%93%89%E5%A4%AB%E5%A6%87%E5%88%86%E4%BA%AB%EF%BC%9A%E5%A6%82%E4%BD%95%E5%BE%97%E8%83%9C%E5%B9%B8%E7%A6%8F%E5%A9%9A%E5%A7%BB%E9%87%8C%E7%9A%84%E4%B8%89%E5%A4%A7%E6%9D%80%E6%89%8B
林为千蒋佩蓉夫妇2021新年直播分享：婚姻的三大谎言、三大杀手和走出困境的三大途径
Jiang Peirong and her husband Lin Weiqian gave an online lecture to share the problems in a marriage and how to solve them.
On the evening of January 16, Jiang Peirong, a Chinese American Christian author of marriage books, shared three misunderstandings related to marriage, three things that destroy marriages, and three ways to deal with problems in a marriage.
In the video lecture hosted by an educational institution, she shared three misunderstandings within marriage that need our attention. First, some people think that without a spouse they can live well. We are happy when we share our joy with others, just as we like to share photos of delicious food and daily life on our WeChat Moments. Secondly, a spouse may say that the marriage relationship is not important as long as the child is happy. Only parents who are full of happiness can bring joy to a child, as we know nothing can be poured out of an empty glass. Thirdly, somebody has said that two good persons can have a successful marriage. A couple needs to work hard to develop a good marriage, just as a good body does not mean strong muscles.
Jiang also said that it is difficult for us to have a good marriage, even if we are aware of these things.
She mentioned three things that destroy a marriage. The first is selfishness. We often think our spouse is selfish instead of seeing our own selfishness. But each partner needs to think about the needs of their spouse and work to satisfy their spouse. A second problem that can destroy a marriage is when children dominate family relationships and parents plan everything for their children, whom they think as their own possessions. The third issue Jiang mentioned is the emotional baggage that persons bring to a marriage. Anger is a second-level emotion while injury, guilt, isolation, depression, embarrassment and depression are first-level emotions that we need to pay attention to.
In response to these issues, Jiang made three suggestions on how to get rescue a troubled marriage. First we can say “I need your help” instead of “You should…” Vulnerability is the key to good communication. Secondly, husbands and wives need to complement each other. Our children will benefit from living in a family where the relationship between spouses is like a zipper pulling two different pieces of fabric together. Thirdly, the harm caused by our extended families needs healing, which can prevent negative effects being passed on to our children.
Finally, she also gave a few tips on marriage management. The first was to learn to how to control our emotions; the second was to draw boundaries and carry our own loads; the third was that we can ask others for help when we can’t solve some problems; the last was to care for ourselves to prevent negative emotions that affect others.
(The original article is published by Christian Times.)
-Translated by Abigail Wu
Christian Author Jiang Peirong Shares Ways of Improving Marriage
