According to the latest data from the World Health Organization (WHO) in 2019, there are more than 350 million people globally who suffer from depression, while it is estimated that there are already over 100 million people suffering from depression in China. These figures illustrate the prevalence of depression in the population, and churches also face the challenge of caring for this group in their pastoral work. As Christians, how do we react when we suffer from depression, or if brothers and sisters around us suffer from depression. Explanation and assistance also need to be performed from the perspective of faith.
Recently, China Christian Daily invited Mr Xiao, who has been engaged in counseling for 30 years in the United States and Hong Kong, to answer questions about depression groups and how the church can provide effective help.
China Christian Daily: For most non-professionals, it is very important to quickly identify patients who are depressed, so as to provide timely help. So how do you identify persons who have depression? What are the common symptoms?
Mr Xiao: The following may be the signs that believers are prone to depression, which can be used for reference. Depression is primarily diagnosed by a psychiatrist, so don't trust too much in just guessing if someone is suffering from depression.
Some people might say: "Please pray for me, I am not confident, I am weak in spirit, I often feel very anxious, very afraid, very scared, and I have insomnia." Some people may say, “Oh, I have lost interest in life, and I am very pessimistic. I even don't want to eat.” Another situation is that some people are very sensitive. When others have different opinions, they will react quickly and lose their temper.
Some people wonder that God has promised us peace, but why do they still often feel uneasy? Sometimes they can't sleep all night. Even though they pray, it doesn't seem to work. In addition, some people will feel great pressure. Sometimes they will feel their heart beating very fast. They will sweat. They’ll have pain, and the doctors cannot find the reason.
Some people feel that they have sinned, and they have sinned against God. They cannot meet his demands, and they are afraid to face him. Others are tired of serving in the church. In fact, the exhaustion is not from the job or service, but from relationships. These can be relationships with the leaders, which can make one feel tired and trapped by the relationship.
There is also the possibility that they are very enthusiastic about participating in the work of the church, but their personalities are very withdrawn. They have few friends, and they do not know how to be open with others. It is difficult for anyone to know how to care for them. Some people have also found that they are workaholics. They always think they are very spiritual, because they are active in serving others. They does not know how to rest, or how to have fun. They think these are not worth their time.
When you help someone who is depressed, you can ask them questions such as: When do you feel low? Have you ever doubted God? Do you think God is being unfair to you? Ask several questions, one or two at a time, and listen to the answers.
China Christian Daily: Do you deal with the many Christians who face depression in your daily counseling? As far as you know, what are the actual problems and difficulties faced by the community of people in the church who face depression?
Mr Xiao: I think the number of believers in China who suffer from depression and the number of their family and friends is huge. Because depression has only been given special attention in China in the last decade, ordinary people, including Christians, had no basic understanding of mental health. They did not know how to recognize depression so when situations became serious, pastors had little experience or resources to address the difficulties individuals were facing.
I believe that all the pastors are good shepherds, and all hope that believers will become people acceptable to God and learn to be as holy as Jesus. Just as Jesus said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."(Matthew 5:48) But by "perfect," Jesus did not mean that the whole law must be kept without blemish, but that the body, soul, and spirit of the whole person should be healthy and mature.
General discipleship now emphasizes “spiritual” manifestations such as reading the Bible, praying, attending church meetings, preaching the Gospel, and serving others. These are important, but emotional health and the maturity of the believers' lives are also important indicators of spirituality. If the church fails to teach believers to think positively, does not give them the space to express emotions of grief, and does not deal with their inner lives, when the believers face struggles and temptation, they not only have no power to respond, but also will they be disappointed with their own behavior again and again. Because of stress and the contradictions of life, when the condition is serious, depression occurs. Some people even suffer from serious depression.
I have met many Chinese believers, and they all said that they were afraid to tell their real problems and struggles to the pastor, because they felt that the church is a very sacred place, and the pastor is mostly concerned about their spiritual problems. So if you let people know that you are weak and not in control of your life, people are bound to say that there is something wrong with your spiritual life, so everyone puts on a mask and hides their struggles. Some people even think that depression is the result of people's sins. Believers are depressed because they lack faith, worry too much and don't know how to trust God!
There are also pastors who only emphasize the importance of devotion to the Lord. They believe that Christians who are filled with the Holy Spirit will not be depressed, and are opposed to taking any antidepressants or electric therapy. Personally, I believe there is no conflict between taking medicine for depression and reading the Bible. If we don't take care of their physical needs, the situation is likely to get worse and worse.
China Christian Daily: How can depressed Christians properly accept and deal with their emotional problems?
Mr Xiao: Even Christians who have been believers for many years don't necessarily think that “life maturity” includes emotional health. In fact, one's definition of “life maturity” has a great deal to do with one's spiritual view. If a Christian's spiritual outlook is based only on how much one knows about the Bible and how long one has served, one will not even think about emotional health. Other Christians may think that a spiritual Christian "shouldn't" or "can't" have any negative emotions and therefore deny all negative emotions of their own.
The Bible also says about emotions, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath..."(Ephesians 4:26, 31) Paul accepted the existence of anger, but reminded Christians to be careful and reasonable in dealing with it, not to be angry all the time, not to be controlled by all kinds of negative emotions and do harm to themselves and others.
When someone asks you “How are you feeling today” or “How is your mood today”, many people's minds will probably go blank. They will say "good" or "not good" at best. Some Christians are aware of their own emotions, but not of how they process them. In fact, emotional awareness and processing skills can be learned. "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."(James 1:19) Sometimes we react too quickly to what others say, so it's easy to get hurt. We should respond slowly and not be too sensitive, because a lot of people just say what they want and the next day they simply forget it. We don’t have to take it personally.
We may be depressed because of physical problems, problems of sin in our lives, financial difficulties, etc. But when someone lets their depression take control of them, they cease to care about life, work, the people and things that they should be concerned about. They will just sit and wonder or stare blankly. When the individual feels that nothing has been accomplished, he or she will increase their own guilt and feel that there is no point in living. That way, we're less likely to do the things we should be doing, and the vicious cycle rolls on and turns into depression.
China Christian Daily: How can people stop the vicious circle of depression?
Mr Xiao: It's normal to first accept that you have low mood swings. Don't deny it, run from it, or blame others. If you feel guilty because you have sinned against God, ask God to forgive your sin and make peace with others. Start doing the work and things you need to do and take responsibility for your life. It takes time for a person to change habitual negative thinking patterns. So when you're feeling down, don't follow your own feelings but believe that God loves you. Make a schedule. No matter how you feel in your heart, you must live and work according to the schedule. Instead of sitting in a trance, get involved in more activities and refuse to talk about self-pity. Immediately repent from sin.
Change your mindset and refuse to use words like, “I have no expectations for the future!” or “I can't take it anymore!”
China Christian Daily: In terms of a church shepherd and fellow worker, how does the church care for people with depression? Which church workers need to be equipped for this task?
Mr Xiao: In order to help a believer with depression, church ministers and fellow workers can try to discuss depression with the patient from the perspective of faith. It may be more effective than telling the person directly that they have depression.
Step 1: Pray for yourself and the patients. The pastors of the church should first pray for those facing depression, then ask God's comprehensive healing on the patients. Ask God to cover you and your family with his precious blood, forbid the devil to attack you, and ask God to keep your heart from being dragged down by the negative emotions of others. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how to help others. Find out where professional counsellors and psychiatrists are available and prepare for future referrals.
Step 2: Build a good relationship with those who are depressed. You can make someone trust you by talking to them, accompanying them, walking with them, etc. If the individual doesn't open up to you, don't force them. You can also be there from time to time and offer practical help. For example, go shopping, prepare food, help with transportation, etc. They may not want to interact with too many people because it will put too much pressure on them. But never make the person feel so lonely that they feel that they are bad, so no one wants to be with them. It's better to have the company of believers who are burdened by depression.
Step 3: Get to know those who are dealing with depression. You can ask some questions. You don't need to agree or disagree, because the main thing is to listen. Listen slowly, and don't express your opinion. For example, you can ask questions like: “How am I? What do you think will help you the most in this situation? Do you feel like your heart is being crushed? Do you feel hopeless or want to die?” It doesn't matter what the answer is, you just listen. Don't debate with the patient or discuss theology, because the more you reason, the worse the results may be. Patients suffering from depression are usually very stubborn. When they suffer a seizure, and you debate with them or you scold the person, they will be uncontrolled in action becasue their mood is uncontrolled, and you may see them bang on the table. In some more serious cases, they may beat you.
Step 4: Read from the Psalms with them. I think reading the Psalm is a great way to express emotions. David was also a man of many afflictions and tribulations, and he often said in the Psalms, “Why is my soul cast down, and why is it agitated in me? We shall look up to God”? So God left the Psalms to help believers open their hearts. It doesn't matter because in front of God you can cry, you can shout, you can yell, you can tell God all the things you are unhappy about yourself, and you can talk about your anger and your complaints. There used to be a fellowship called the Naomi Fellowship, and it was full of divorced women. In this fellowship they would cry a lot and talk to God, and one of them said she was going to kill her ex-husband. They had such negative feelings.
Step 5: Suggest that the patient receive treatment. If they already trust you, tell them that the insomnia, loss of appetite, and negative emotions caused by depression can be treated with antidepressant medication. In order to deal with the pain of insomnia, they may be willing to see a doctor or have a physical examination. Don't speak directly to a psychiatrist to avoid his aversion. Give the person time to think, and don't be too insistent. If they are unwilling to go, wait for another opportune moment. If there is no objections, get them to a doctor or a counselor right away. You can use a referral you've already made. If you're not prepared, you'll miss the opportunity. If the person is desperate and has suicidal tendencies, talk to the family and insist on them seeing a doctor as soon as possible. Suicide is a serious problem for depressed patients and must be dealt with promptly.
China Christian Daily: What are some of the current misconceptions about depression?
Mr Xiao: Depression is not a sign of weakness. Although they are consumed by the melancholy mood most of their energy and motivation, they are definitely not lazy. On the contrary, some of them have to spend several times more energy than normal people to maintain their work and life.
Depression is not permanent. If people with depression have had the condition for many years, they have little confidence that they will get better. In fact, depression can now be controlled.
China Christian Daily: For those who are willing to serve people with depression, do they need to evaluate themselves? How do they maintain their spiritual and mental health in the process?
Mr Xiao: There are tests that can be used to assess a person's emotional and physical status, whether they are for a client or a helper, to see if they have anxiety, depression, fear of something or are overly sensitive in relationships. People who serve others need to have a healthy self-image and deal with their own past hurt feelings so they can help others more effectively. Love and patience are very important for people who serve because people with depression tend to make slow progress and are easily disappointed.
In the process of helping believers with depression, there is an important prerequisite for same-sex help, that is, male to male, female to female. Never try to help someone of the opposite sex, lest it causes an emotional shift that turns God's support into human support. Don't allow yourself to serve alone. You need to serve with co-workers or a team. Pray together and let the pressure go to God.
People who serve are content in their intimate relationship with God. Don't make serving others your satisfaction. Always be grateful, sensitive to the devil's deception and attacks, especially in your relationship with your family. Avoid the impulse to be easily offended, humble yourself before the Lord, and give glory to God.
据2019年世界卫生组织（WHO）统计的最新数据显示，全球有超过3.5亿抑郁症患者，而据估算，中国目前的抑郁症患者已经过亿。这些数字说明了抑郁症患者在人群中的普遍性，面对社会现实情况，教会在实际的牧养工作中也面临着如何牧养这个群体的挑战。而作为基督徒，如何看待自己患上抑郁症或者身边患有抑郁症的弟兄姐妹，也需要从信仰角度得到解释和帮助。
近日，CCD邀请从事心理咨询多年，在美国及香港参与心理咨询工作长达三十年的萧老师，对于抑郁症群体，以及教会如何提供切实有效的帮助等问题进行了解答。
CCD: 对于大部分非专业人士来说，可能很快的识别身边的抑郁症患者是非常重要的，这样才能及时的提供帮助。那么，如何识别抑郁症呢？抑郁症患者一般有哪些表现？
萧老师：以下可能是信徒倾向抑郁情绪的信号，可以用来参考。抑郁症最主要是经过精神科医生专业的诊断，千万不要以为自己猜对就是了。
有些人他会特别说，“请大家为我祷告，我究竟信心不足，我灵性很软弱，我经常觉得很焦虑、很恐惧、很惊慌，失眠”，有些人他会说，“唉，我已经对生活失去了兴趣了，我觉得我对人生都很悲观，我都不想吃东西。”还有一种情况是有些人表现出来的是很敏感，别人跟他有一些不同意见的时候，他就会反应很强烈，发很大的脾气。
有人会觉得说上帝不是应许我们有平安吗，为什么我经常还是感觉不安呢？我有时候整个晚上都睡不着，我也祷告，但是感觉也是没用。还有就是有些人会觉得压力很大，有时候会感觉到心跳跳得很快，我会冒汗，我身体哪里会有疼痛，医生都找不到原因。
有些人觉得说我犯罪了，我得罪神了，我不能满足神的要求，我不敢面对上帝。也有人觉得说。侍奉很疲惫。其实他的疲惫不是那个工作或者侍奉给他的疲惫，而是他的人际关系或者跟领袖的关系，让他觉得很累，陷在那个人际关系的漩涡里面。
还有就是可能他很热心的参与服侍，但是他性格很孤僻，没有什么朋友，也不懂得开放自己，这样子很难有人知道怎么去关心他。还有发现有些人他是工作狂，他一直觉得我很属灵，因为我侍奉很多，他不懂得休息，不懂得娱乐，他觉得这些都没有价值。
当你去帮助这些抑郁症的人的时候，你也可以去问他一些问题，譬如说你情绪低落的时候，你有没有怀疑过神呢？你是不是觉得神很不公平，你可以问他一些问题，每一次问他一两个问题，听听他怎么回答你。
CCD: 您在日常的辅导中，接触的患有抑郁症的基督徒多吗？就您了解，现在国内教会抑郁症群体面临哪些实际上的问题和困难？
萧老师：我想中国教会抑郁症的人或者他们身边的家人朋友得了抑郁症应该也是为数不少。因为抑郁症在中国可能是最近十年才开始被特别关注，而过去一般人包括基督徒对精神健康没有特别概念，也不知道怎样分辨，所以当情况严重时，教会的牧者有时候也无从入手。
我相信教会的牧者都是好牧人，都希望信徒成为神所喜悦的人，学像耶稣一样完全圣洁，正如耶稣说的：“你们要完全，像你们的天父完全一样。”（太5：48）但耶稣所指的“完全”，不是守全律法、毫无瑕疵，乃是指全人的身体、灵魂、情绪都能健康和成熟。
现在一般门徒训练是强调读经、祷告、参加教会聚会、传福音、事奉等“属灵”表现。这些都很重要，但情绪的健康，信徒生命成熟也是很重要指标。如果教会忽略了教导信徒去正面思维，没有给他们空间表达哀伤的情绪，没有处理他们内在生命的话，当信徒面对各种挣扎和诱惑时，他们不但没有力量去回应，而且对自己的行为会一次又一次地感到失望，在这样的拉力和矛盾下面，严重时产生抑郁情绪，有些人甚至而因此得了抑郁症。
我以前接触很多的中国信徒，他们都会说不敢把自己真实的问题和挣扎告诉牧者，因为他们感觉教会是一个很神圣的地方，牧师大多是关心你属灵的问题。所以如果你让别人知道自己有软弱时，情绪不受控，别人一定会说你的属灵生命出现了问题，因此大家都会带上面具，把自己的挣扎隐藏起来。甚至有人会认为抑郁是人犯罪的后果，信徒抑郁是因为缺乏信心，太多忧虑，而且不懂得信靠神！
也有些牧者只强调敬虔爱主，以为被圣灵充满的基督徒是不应该抑郁的，他们反对服用任何抗抑郁药或电疗。我个人相信吃抑郁症的药和读经祷告是没有冲突的，如果我们不去关心他们身体上的需要时，情况很可能会愈来愈严重的。
CCD: 抑郁症的基督徒如何正确接纳和处理自己情绪上面的问题？
萧老师：就算信主多年的基督徒，也不一定认为“生命成熟”是包括情绪健康。其实，一个人对“生命成熟”的定义，与其属灵观有极大的关系。如果一个基督徒的属灵观，只是建立在对圣经的知识的认识了多少，事奉了多久，那么情绪健康与否，他根本不会思考。另外有些基督徒，可能认为属灵的基督徒是“不该”或“不会”有任何负面情绪的，因此对自己的负面情绪一概否认。
圣经也有说情绪问题，“生气却不要犯罪；不可含怒到日落…… ”（《弗》 4：26，31）保罗接纳怒气的存在，但提醒基督徒要小心、合理的处理，不要一直生气，不要被种种负面的情绪所控制，而做出伤害自己伤害别人的行为。
当有人问你“你今天心情或情绪如何”时，很多人的脑袋可能一片空白，最多只能说出“好”或“不好”而已。有些基督徒能察觉到自己的情绪，但未能觉察自己的处理。其实，对情绪的意识及处理的技能，是可以学习的。《雅各书》 1：19 “你们各人要快快地听，慢慢地说，慢慢地动怒。”有时候我们对别人说的话，我们的反应太快，所以很容易受伤。如果回应慢一点，不要太敏感，因为很多人说话都是随便说说，第二天他就忘了，你就何必去耿耿于怀。
我们情绪低落, 可能因为是身体的原因，罪的问题, 也可能是经济困境等原因。但当人任由低落的情绪主宰自己的时候:他就不再理会自己的生活、工作，应关心的人和事。只是坐着纳闷或者发呆。当他觉得自己一事无成，又会增加自己的内疚，觉得人活着没有什么意义。这样的话，我们更不想去做那些应做而没做的事，于是不断恶性循环而变成抑郁。
CCD: 抑郁症的患者如何逐步走出抑郁的恶性循环呢？
萧老师：首先接纳自己有低落的情绪是正常的，不要去否认它、逃避它，或者一直责怪别人。如果是出于得罪人得罪神，有内疚的情绪，求神赦免自己的罪，共主动与人和好。要开始做自己应做的工作及事情, 负起责任来生活。一个人要改变习惯性负面的思维方式，是需要时间的。所以，在情绪低落时, 不跟从自己的感受，相信神是爱你的。要做时间表; 无论你心中感受如何, 必需遵着作息表生活和工作。不要坐着发呆，可以多参与一些活动, 并拒绝与别人畅谈自怜的事。有罪即立刻悔改。
改变心中, 口中惯用的词如: “我没有盼望的了! ”, 或“我不能忍受下去了!
CCD: 作为教会牧者和同工来说，教会如何牧养抑郁症的信徒？教会哪些同工需要有牧养装备？
萧老师：作为教会牧者和同工来说，要帮助抑郁症的信徒，可以试从信仰角度与患者讨论有关抑郁的情绪，这比直接了当告诉他得了抑郁症，效果可能会好一点。
第一步：为自己及对方祷告。教会牧养的人要先为对方代祷，求神的全人医治临到患者身上；求神的宝血遮盖你和你的家人，不容许魔鬼透过你的参与来攻击你，也求神保守你的心不被对方的负面情绪所拖跨；求神赐给你智慧去了解如何帮助他；寻找哪里有专业的辅导员和精神科专家，准备日后转介；
第二步：与对方建立良好关系。可以透过与他交谈、陪伴、一起散步等，使他对你有信任；如果他没有对你开放自己，就不要勉强；你也可以偶尔陪伴他，为他提供实际的帮助；例如，替他购物、预备食物、接送等；他可能不想跟太多人接触，因这样会对他造成压力。但又不能让他太孤独，以免他觉得自己很糟糕，没有人愿意跟他在一起，最好是让那些对抑郁症有负担的信徒来陪伴。
第三步：要慢慢地了解对方，你可以问他一些问题让他来回答，你不需要去同意或不同意，因为主要是你去要聆听他，慢慢的聆听，不要表达自己的意见，比如说你可以问他，我怎么样，你觉得怎么样这才是对你最好的帮助。你觉得你的心是不是被压碎呢？你有没有感觉到绝望，或者轻生的念头呢？不管他怎么回答你都没关系，你只是听就可以了。千万不要跟他辩论或者是神学上的辩论，因为你越跟他辩论的时候，他们忧郁症的患者，他们的性格本来就是很固执，他发病的时候非常的固执，你跟他辩论的时候你会斥责他的时候，他会很不受控的情绪很不受控，或能看到他拍那个桌子，他们会打你有些比较严重的。
第四步：跟他一起读诗篇。我觉得诗篇是非常好的去表达情绪。大卫也是一个遭遇很多困苦、患难的人，他在诗篇里面经常说，我的心你为何忧闷，为何在我里面烦躁，应当仰望神。所以神把诗篇留下来，就是帮助信徒能够打开自己的心。没关系，在神面前你可以哭，你可以喊，你可以叫，你可以自己把你不开心的事情都可以跟神讲，把你愤怒、抱怨都可以讲。曾经有一个团契叫拿俄米团契，里面都是一些离婚的，那些太太他们在里面的时候，她们会哭很厉害，在神面前倾诉，有一个人曾经说我要把他杀了，她们那种负面的情绪已经那么严重。
第五步：建议对方接受治疗。如果他对你已经有了信任，就告诉他抑郁情绪所引起的失眠、没有胃口和负面情绪，可以通过服用抗抑郁的药物得到好转。为了要解决失眠的痛苦，他或许愿意找医生或检查身体，不要直接说见精神科医生，免得他反感，要给他时间考虑，不要过于坚持。如果他不愿意去，就再等另一个适当的时机。如果他不反对，马上替他安排看医生或辅导，你先前已经找好的转介就可以用上了， 如果你没有预先准备好，你会失去大好时机。如果对方非常绝望，有自杀倾向，要跟他的家人讨论，尽早坚持带他去看医生。自杀是抑郁症病人的严重问题，必须及时处理。
CCD: 目前，对抑郁症患者来说，有哪些认识上的误区？
萧老师：抑郁症不是一种弱者的记号，虽然他们被忧郁的情绪吞吃了自己大部分的精力和动力，但他们绝对不是懒惰，反而他们当中有些人要比正常人花上几倍的精力才能维持自己的工作和生活。
抑郁症不是永远的。如果抑郁症的患者已经有这个症状很多年，他们对自己能不能好起来是很没有信心。其实，现在的抑郁症是可以得到控制的。
CCD: 对于那些有意愿服侍抑郁症患者的牧者同工，是不是也需要对自己做一定的评估？他们在这个过程中如何保证自己的属灵健康和精神健康？
萧老师：有一些情绪测试的评估可以让人了解自己的情绪状况，所以无论是当事人或者服事他的人也可以用来评估自己的情绪及身体状况，看看自己最近有没有焦虑、忧郁、对什么有恐惧、或者对人际关系是否过于敏感等等。服事的人要有健康的自我形象，处理好过去自己受伤的情绪，才能更有效的帮助别人。爱心和耐性对服事的人都非常重要，因为抑郁症的人的进步都很慢，让人很容易灰心和失望。
在帮助抑郁症信徒的过程中，有一个重要前提是同性帮助，即男对男、女对女；千万不要异性之间帮助，以免引起情感转移，把患者对神的倚靠变成对你的倚靠。不要让自己孤军作战，你需要同工或团队一起服事。大家一起祷告，把压力交给神。
服事的人满足在与神亲密的关系里面，不要把服事别人变成自己的满足。常常感恩，敏感魔鬼的欺骗和攻击，特别你在教会和家人的关系上，同时避免容易被人冒犯的冲动，在主面前谦卑服事，把荣耀归给神。
专访主内心理咨询师：如何帮助牧养教会内的抑郁症信徒？
According to the latest data from the World Health Organization (WHO) in 2019, there are more than 350 million people globally who suffer from depression, while it is estimated that there are already over 100 million people suffering from depression in China. These figures illustrate the prevalence of depression in the population, and churches also face the challenge of caring for this group in their pastoral work. As Christians, how do we react when we suffer from depression, or if brothers and sisters around us suffer from depression. Explanation and assistance also need to be performed from the perspective of faith.
Recently, China Christian Daily invited Mr Xiao, who has been engaged in counseling for 30 years in the United States and Hong Kong, to answer questions about depression groups and how the church can provide effective help.
China Christian Daily: For most non-professionals, it is very important to quickly identify patients who are depressed, so as to provide timely help. So how do you identify persons who have depression? What are the common symptoms?
Mr Xiao: The following may be the signs that believers are prone to depression, which can be used for reference. Depression is primarily diagnosed by a psychiatrist, so don't trust too much in just guessing if someone is suffering from depression.
Some people might say: "Please pray for me, I am not confident, I am weak in spirit, I often feel very anxious, very afraid, very scared, and I have insomnia." Some people may say, “Oh, I have lost interest in life, and I am very pessimistic. I even don't want to eat.” Another situation is that some people are very sensitive. When others have different opinions, they will react quickly and lose their temper.
Some people wonder that God has promised us peace, but why do they still often feel uneasy? Sometimes they can't sleep all night. Even though they pray, it doesn't seem to work. In addition, some people will feel great pressure. Sometimes they will feel their heart beating very fast. They will sweat. They’ll have pain, and the doctors cannot find the reason.
Some people feel that they have sinned, and they have sinned against God. They cannot meet his demands, and they are afraid to face him. Others are tired of serving in the church. In fact, the exhaustion is not from the job or service, but from relationships. These can be relationships with the leaders, which can make one feel tired and trapped by the relationship.
There is also the possibility that they are very enthusiastic about participating in the work of the church, but their personalities are very withdrawn. They have few friends, and they do not know how to be open with others. It is difficult for anyone to know how to care for them. Some people have also found that they are workaholics. They always think they are very spiritual, because they are active in serving others. They does not know how to rest, or how to have fun. They think these are not worth their time.
When you help someone who is depressed, you can ask them questions such as: When do you feel low? Have you ever doubted God? Do you think God is being unfair to you? Ask several questions, one or two at a time, and listen to the answers.
China Christian Daily: Do you deal with the many Christians who face depression in your daily counseling? As far as you know, what are the actual problems and difficulties faced by the community of people in the church who face depression?
Mr Xiao: I think the number of believers in China who suffer from depression and the number of their family and friends is huge. Because depression has only been given special attention in China in the last decade, ordinary people, including Christians, had no basic understanding of mental health. They did not know how to recognize depression so when situations became serious, pastors had little experience or resources to address the difficulties individuals were facing.
I believe that all the pastors are good shepherds, and all hope that believers will become people acceptable to God and learn to be as holy as Jesus. Just as Jesus said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."(Matthew 5:48) But by "perfect," Jesus did not mean that the whole law must be kept without blemish, but that the body, soul, and spirit of the whole person should be healthy and mature.
General discipleship now emphasizes “spiritual” manifestations such as reading the Bible, praying, attending church meetings, preaching the Gospel, and serving others. These are important, but emotional health and the maturity of the believers' lives are also important indicators of spirituality. If the church fails to teach believers to think positively, does not give them the space to express emotions of grief, and does not deal with their inner lives, when the believers face struggles and temptation, they not only have no power to respond, but also will they be disappointed with their own behavior again and again. Because of stress and the contradictions of life, when the condition is serious, depression occurs. Some people even suffer from serious depression.
I have met many Chinese believers, and they all said that they were afraid to tell their real problems and struggles to the pastor, because they felt that the church is a very sacred place, and the pastor is mostly concerned about their spiritual problems. So if you let people know that you are weak and not in control of your life, people are bound to say that there is something wrong with your spiritual life, so everyone puts on a mask and hides their struggles. Some people even think that depression is the result of people's sins. Believers are depressed because they lack faith, worry too much and don't know how to trust God!
There are also pastors who only emphasize the importance of devotion to the Lord. They believe that Christians who are filled with the Holy Spirit will not be depressed, and are opposed to taking any antidepressants or electric therapy. Personally, I believe there is no conflict between taking medicine for depression and reading the Bible. If we don't take care of their physical needs, the situation is likely to get worse and worse.
China Christian Daily: How can depressed Christians properly accept and deal with their emotional problems?
Mr Xiao: Even Christians who have been believers for many years don't necessarily think that “life maturity” includes emotional health. In fact, one's definition of “life maturity” has a great deal to do with one's spiritual view. If a Christian's spiritual outlook is based only on how much one knows about the Bible and how long one has served, one will not even think about emotional health. Other Christians may think that a spiritual Christian "shouldn't" or "can't" have any negative emotions and therefore deny all negative emotions of their own.
The Bible also says about emotions, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath..."(Ephesians 4:26, 31) Paul accepted the existence of anger, but reminded Christians to be careful and reasonable in dealing with it, not to be angry all the time, not to be controlled by all kinds of negative emotions and do harm to themselves and others.
When someone asks you “How are you feeling today” or “How is your mood today”, many people's minds will probably go blank. They will say "good" or "not good" at best. Some Christians are aware of their own emotions, but not of how they process them. In fact, emotional awareness and processing skills can be learned. "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."(James 1:19) Sometimes we react too quickly to what others say, so it's easy to get hurt. We should respond slowly and not be too sensitive, because a lot of people just say what they want and the next day they simply forget it. We don’t have to take it personally.
We may be depressed because of physical problems, problems of sin in our lives, financial difficulties, etc. But when someone lets their depression take control of them, they cease to care about life, work, the people and things that they should be concerned about. They will just sit and wonder or stare blankly. When the individual feels that nothing has been accomplished, he or she will increase their own guilt and feel that there is no point in living. That way, we're less likely to do the things we should be doing, and the vicious cycle rolls on and turns into depression.
China Christian Daily: How can people stop the vicious circle of depression?
Mr Xiao: It's normal to first accept that you have low mood swings. Don't deny it, run from it, or blame others. If you feel guilty because you have sinned against God, ask God to forgive your sin and make peace with others. Start doing the work and things you need to do and take responsibility for your life. It takes time for a person to change habitual negative thinking patterns. So when you're feeling down, don't follow your own feelings but believe that God loves you. Make a schedule. No matter how you feel in your heart, you must live and work according to the schedule. Instead of sitting in a trance, get involved in more activities and refuse to talk about self-pity. Immediately repent from sin.
Change your mindset and refuse to use words like, “I have no expectations for the future!” or “I can't take it anymore!”
China Christian Daily: In terms of a church shepherd and fellow worker, how does the church care for people with depression? Which church workers need to be equipped for this task?
Mr Xiao: In order to help a believer with depression, church ministers and fellow workers can try to discuss depression with the patient from the perspective of faith. It may be more effective than telling the person directly that they have depression.
Step 1: Pray for yourself and the patients. The pastors of the church should first pray for those facing depression, then ask God's comprehensive healing on the patients. Ask God to cover you and your family with his precious blood, forbid the devil to attack you, and ask God to keep your heart from being dragged down by the negative emotions of others. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how to help others. Find out where professional counsellors and psychiatrists are available and prepare for future referrals.
Step 2: Build a good relationship with those who are depressed. You can make someone trust you by talking to them, accompanying them, walking with them, etc. If the individual doesn't open up to you, don't force them. You can also be there from time to time and offer practical help. For example, go shopping, prepare food, help with transportation, etc. They may not want to interact with too many people because it will put too much pressure on them. But never make the person feel so lonely that they feel that they are bad, so no one wants to be with them. It's better to have the company of believers who are burdened by depression.
Step 3: Get to know those who are dealing with depression. You can ask some questions. You don't need to agree or disagree, because the main thing is to listen. Listen slowly, and don't express your opinion. For example, you can ask questions like: “How am I? What do you think will help you the most in this situation? Do you feel like your heart is being crushed? Do you feel hopeless or want to die?” It doesn't matter what the answer is, you just listen. Don't debate with the patient or discuss theology, because the more you reason, the worse the results may be. Patients suffering from depression are usually very stubborn. When they suffer a seizure, and you debate with them or you scold the person, they will be uncontrolled in action becasue their mood is uncontrolled, and you may see them bang on the table. In some more serious cases, they may beat you.
Step 4: Read from the Psalms with them. I think reading the Psalm is a great way to express emotions. David was also a man of many afflictions and tribulations, and he often said in the Psalms, “Why is my soul cast down, and why is it agitated in me? We shall look up to God”? So God left the Psalms to help believers open their hearts. It doesn't matter because in front of God you can cry, you can shout, you can yell, you can tell God all the things you are unhappy about yourself, and you can talk about your anger and your complaints. There used to be a fellowship called the Naomi Fellowship, and it was full of divorced women. In this fellowship they would cry a lot and talk to God, and one of them said she was going to kill her ex-husband. They had such negative feelings.
Step 5: Suggest that the patient receive treatment. If they already trust you, tell them that the insomnia, loss of appetite, and negative emotions caused by depression can be treated with antidepressant medication. In order to deal with the pain of insomnia, they may be willing to see a doctor or have a physical examination. Don't speak directly to a psychiatrist to avoid his aversion. Give the person time to think, and don't be too insistent. If they are unwilling to go, wait for another opportune moment. If there is no objections, get them to a doctor or a counselor right away. You can use a referral you've already made. If you're not prepared, you'll miss the opportunity. If the person is desperate and has suicidal tendencies, talk to the family and insist on them seeing a doctor as soon as possible. Suicide is a serious problem for depressed patients and must be dealt with promptly.
China Christian Daily: What are some of the current misconceptions about depression?
Mr Xiao: Depression is not a sign of weakness. Although they are consumed by the melancholy mood most of their energy and motivation, they are definitely not lazy. On the contrary, some of them have to spend several times more energy than normal people to maintain their work and life.
Depression is not permanent. If people with depression have had the condition for many years, they have little confidence that they will get better. In fact, depression can now be controlled.
China Christian Daily: For those who are willing to serve people with depression, do they need to evaluate themselves? How do they maintain their spiritual and mental health in the process?
Mr Xiao: There are tests that can be used to assess a person's emotional and physical status, whether they are for a client or a helper, to see if they have anxiety, depression, fear of something or are overly sensitive in relationships. People who serve others need to have a healthy self-image and deal with their own past hurt feelings so they can help others more effectively. Love and patience are very important for people who serve because people with depression tend to make slow progress and are easily disappointed.
In the process of helping believers with depression, there is an important prerequisite for same-sex help, that is, male to male, female to female. Never try to help someone of the opposite sex, lest it causes an emotional shift that turns God's support into human support. Don't allow yourself to serve alone. You need to serve with co-workers or a team. Pray together and let the pressure go to God.
People who serve are content in their intimate relationship with God. Don't make serving others your satisfaction. Always be grateful, sensitive to the devil's deception and attacks, especially in your relationship with your family. Avoid the impulse to be easily offended, humble yourself before the Lord, and give glory to God.
Interview with a Psychotherapist: How to Help Depressed Believers?
