Henri Nouwen said, “Nobody escapes being wounded. The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”
Today, single-parent families can be said to be common in China's society; this particular group is also common in churches today. More thoughtful ministry and care should be offered to these parents so that they can become “wounded healers” themselves.
Sister Rui Rui (pseudonym) was originally an atheist. She began to go to church through the influence of her school friends; although she did not understand what was said in the sermons, she insisted on going. After some time, she decided to accept Christ, and she has been a Christian for 24 years.
Rui Rui began attending church because of her husband’s repeated affairs and debts. Although she struggled in her marriage, she tried her best to be a good wife while continuing to serve the church. However, after ten years of walk with Christ, she had no choice but to get a divorce. Nevertheless, Rui Rui continued to serve actively in the church and attend Bible classes.
She said, “At that time, my ex-husband was in debt while having an affair, and my son and I often had to hide from debt collectors. The emotional and financial pressure were too much for me. But even after the divorce, life as a single mother wasn’t easy for me for many years. My ex-husband and I separated when my son was three years old, but he never paid me child support after the separation.
“I finally paid off all of my ex-husband’s debts a few years ago, but my son started having some problems when he reached puberty. He was diagnosed with depression by the hospital and had to stay home from school for two years.”
In Rui’s observation, churches may offer support and guidance to families that are not divorced, but not to single-parent families like hers.
“When I was trying to figure out how to be a single mother, it was like being in the wilderness myself. So, when I saw that many members in the church were also experiencing problems with debt, marriage, and raising their children, I wanted to care for and minister to this group of people with special needs because I had experienced these problems before them,” she said.
At the time, Rui Rui was already on the staff of the church. But even she could not get professional counseling from the church for her plight. Therefore, she felt the need to find resources, study hard, and equip herself; she had taken many courses, such as courses on emotional management, psychology, and youth counseling. She continues to use these resources to help those in need in the church.
In addition, Rui Rui pointed out, “Apart from single-parent families due to divorce or death of a spouse, there is also a kind of hidden single-parent families—in name, these families have two parents, but in practice they are raised by only one parent. Actually, these families need much more professional help and experienced counseling services.”
Therefore, she suggested that, first, there should be a fellowship for this group where they can communicate face-to-face. Second, there needs to be someone who has a vision and a burden for this group. This person should also be willing to share his or her ideals with the pastor as they work together.
Finally, in addition to theological training, the person involved in this ministry needs a background in psychology and counseling.
"My child grew up with numerous unresolved issues due to his father's absence, struggling with the disbelief that his father left when he was young. During the two years my child was out of school, the Lord taught me valuable lessons. I learned how to communicate with him, spend more time together, and offer encouragement. After being held back for two years, he resumed his senior year last year. Throughout the past two semesters, he has enjoyed a normal school life, maintaining top grades, and fostering positive relationships with his teachers and classmates," Rui Rui concluded.
In addition to the basic duty of preaching the gospel, churches should also make substantial efforts to care for orphans, widows, and single-parent families so that the Christian community can become the comfort and blessing of society.
- Translated by Joyce Leung
"无人能免于受伤。我们所关心的主要问题不是“我们当如何隐藏伤口’，而是‘我们如何用自己的伤口去服事别人’。作为耶稣的追随者，我们也可以让自己的创伤为别人带去医治，"卢云说。
单亲家庭在当下的中国社会里，是一个常见的群体。在教会里，也有单亲家庭这一特殊群体，她们需要得到更为精细化牧养与关怀，同时也能够成为受伤的医治者。
芮芮姐妹（化名），原先是一个无神论者。后来，在同学的影响下下，来到了教会。虽然她听不懂在讲什么，但是依然坚持去聚会。后来决志信主，这一信就是24年。
芮芮姐妹是因婚姻遇到难处才走进了教会，她在一边做好妻子本分，一边也参与教会的服事。但因配偶屡次有外遇，欠外债，在信仰十年后，还是离婚了。之后，芮芮姐妹坚持参与教会服事，读神学班。
芮芮姐妹分享说：“当时前夫有外遇，又负债，我承受不了那种精神上、经济上的巨大压力。而且常常被追债，我和孩子要躲在后面。离婚以后，其实有好多年，作为单亲妈妈，我是挺不容易的。孩子3岁时，我和前夫分开了。分开之后，前夫没有给过任何抚养费。”
“前几年，我终于把前夫的债务还清了后，可是我的孩子到了青春期出现状况。他有两年休学在家，医院说是得了忧郁症。”
她观察到，教会通常可以对未离婚的家庭群体给与很多的支持和指导，但对于像她这样的处境下的单亲家庭，似乎并不能给与任何的支持和帮助。
“我自己走过一段旷野的路，包括怎么做单亲妈妈，当时教会里的不少信徒也同时遇到教育孩子问题、欠债问题和婚姻的问题。因为我是比他们早遇到这些问题，所以我就有感动想要去关心和事奉这群有着特殊需要的人群。”芮芮姐妹分享到。
当时的芮芮姐妹，已经是教会里的同工了，她的困境得不到教会里专业的辅导，更何况普通的信徒呢？于是她有负担去找资源，努力学习和装备自己。她学了很多的课程，包括情绪管理、心理学、青少年心理咨询师的课程，她现在还在运用这些课程资源帮助教会里有需要的人。
芮芮姐妹认为：“除了因配偶死亡，或是离异造成的单亲家庭以外，还有一种是隐性的单亲家庭就是名义上是有双亲，但实际上是在被单亲抚养。对这一类的群体，其实是需要一个相对比较专业且有一定的经验的人来辅导和帮助。”
她提出：首先，要为他们建立一个可以面对面沟通的团契。其次，需要有一个人对这个群体有看见、有负担，然后与牧者联合，沟通自己的异象和使命。
最后，这样的事奉者需要有圣经真理、心理学和商谈方面的受训。
“我孩子的成长，因为有父亲位置缺失的问题，他小时候，对父亲的离开感到不可思议，有很多心结没有解开。在我的孩子休学的两年里，通过主给我的功课，我学习跟孩子沟通，更多的去陪伴与鼓励。休学两年后，他去年就复学了，上了高一。近两个学期以来，恢复正常学校生活，成绩保持名列前茅。与老师、同学人际关系好，”芮芮姐妹总结说。
教会在宣讲真道这根基性的服事以外，也需要在照顾孤儿寡妇和单亲家庭方面，成为社会的安慰与祝福。
访谈：教会要做好单亲妈妈的照顾和牧养
Henri Nouwen said, “Nobody escapes being wounded. The main question is not ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”
Today, single-parent families can be said to be common in China's society; this particular group is also common in churches today. More thoughtful ministry and care should be offered to these parents so that they can become “wounded healers” themselves.
Sister Rui Rui (pseudonym) was originally an atheist. She began to go to church through the influence of her school friends; although she did not understand what was said in the sermons, she insisted on going. After some time, she decided to accept Christ, and she has been a Christian for 24 years.
Rui Rui began attending church because of her husband’s repeated affairs and debts. Although she struggled in her marriage, she tried her best to be a good wife while continuing to serve the church. However, after ten years of walk with Christ, she had no choice but to get a divorce. Nevertheless, Rui Rui continued to serve actively in the church and attend Bible classes.
She said, “At that time, my ex-husband was in debt while having an affair, and my son and I often had to hide from debt collectors. The emotional and financial pressure were too much for me. But even after the divorce, life as a single mother wasn’t easy for me for many years. My ex-husband and I separated when my son was three years old, but he never paid me child support after the separation.
“I finally paid off all of my ex-husband’s debts a few years ago, but my son started having some problems when he reached puberty. He was diagnosed with depression by the hospital and had to stay home from school for two years.”
In Rui’s observation, churches may offer support and guidance to families that are not divorced, but not to single-parent families like hers.
“When I was trying to figure out how to be a single mother, it was like being in the wilderness myself. So, when I saw that many members in the church were also experiencing problems with debt, marriage, and raising their children, I wanted to care for and minister to this group of people with special needs because I had experienced these problems before them,” she said.
At the time, Rui Rui was already on the staff of the church. But even she could not get professional counseling from the church for her plight. Therefore, she felt the need to find resources, study hard, and equip herself; she had taken many courses, such as courses on emotional management, psychology, and youth counseling. She continues to use these resources to help those in need in the church.
In addition, Rui Rui pointed out, “Apart from single-parent families due to divorce or death of a spouse, there is also a kind of hidden single-parent families—in name, these families have two parents, but in practice they are raised by only one parent. Actually, these families need much more professional help and experienced counseling services.”
Therefore, she suggested that, first, there should be a fellowship for this group where they can communicate face-to-face. Second, there needs to be someone who has a vision and a burden for this group. This person should also be willing to share his or her ideals with the pastor as they work together.
Finally, in addition to theological training, the person involved in this ministry needs a background in psychology and counseling.
"My child grew up with numerous unresolved issues due to his father's absence, struggling with the disbelief that his father left when he was young. During the two years my child was out of school, the Lord taught me valuable lessons. I learned how to communicate with him, spend more time together, and offer encouragement. After being held back for two years, he resumed his senior year last year. Throughout the past two semesters, he has enjoyed a normal school life, maintaining top grades, and fostering positive relationships with his teachers and classmates," Rui Rui concluded.
In addition to the basic duty of preaching the gospel, churches should also make substantial efforts to care for orphans, widows, and single-parent families so that the Christian community can become the comfort and blessing of society.
- Translated by Joyce Leung
Interview: Churches Should Provide Better Pastoral Care for Single Mothers
