To introduce the idea of hospice care, Mr. Li Jianping gave a series of three lectures on the theme of "From Confession to Goodbye" on WeChat.
In the first lecture titled The Moment You Can't Escape: Why Everyone Needs Hospice Care, Li shared that most people were fearful when it came to facing death. The tendency was to avoid thoughts of death and attempt to escape. But sometimes the more we tried to escape, the greater the fear and the greater the pressure was in our hearts. However, if we really faced death directly, the fear and pressure could be less.
In fact, the reality of death was hidden in the depths of our life from the moment we were born, but we did not know when the fear of death would overcome us. Some people compared death to a train ride. On the journey, there were many stops, but one day the train ride would end. And death was a reminder to those who were living; it let us know that life was short and not to be wasted.
Mr. Li talked about how the fear of death impacted us physically. Because of our fear of death, there were many examples of over-treatment. Many people had advanced cancer, and there was no medicine or method to treat it. But because of the fear of death and their desire to live on, they tried radiation, chemotherapy, surgery and other methods, which not only increased physical pain but may also shorten life.
The fear of death also affected us spiritually. Mental stress produced a lot of pain, despair, and increased suffering. There were also some people who could not endure the pain and the stress and chose to commit suicide.
Teacher Li gave an example. His brother-in-law’s father had gastritis for many years and later went to a big hospital to be examined. The diagnosis was stomach cancer. After the lab report came out that day, his brother-in-law hurriedly called his uncles to tell them to visit his father. He told them that his father’s cancer was advanced and there was no treatment. The prognosis was that he had five months to a year to live. His telephone call was accidentally heard by his father. As a result, the old man passed away at 3 am the next morning. How did he die? Not from cancer, but from fear.
A relationship that may be affected was that between the dying and his companion. Sometimes there would be conflict. Because of physical pain and the fear of death, the dying patient was unable to adequately pay attention to the love and care of their companion. If they had a history of conflict and did not understand each other well, they may hurt each other.
Teacher Li also discussed the impact that dealing with financial and legal details has on the patient and family. Because of the fear of death, the family and the patient may not talk about inheritance issues, final wishes, funeral expenses, where burial is to take place and funeral plans. When the patient was completely comatose, he could not deal with these issues and it might cause many problems.
Fear was exacerbated by a lack of knowledge. It was less scary when you actually faced death directly, knowing what it was and how to deal with it. Li shared an example that when Zhuang Zi's wife died, he sat on the coffin and took a pot to sing. He believed that people return to nature from the invisible (before birth) to the tangible (after birth) and then to the invisible (dead), just like the movement from one season to another.
Socrates in ancient Athens once said that for philosophers, death was the final act of self-realization and it was desirable for the soul to leave its physical bonds and go to the kingdom of heaven.
In a 2014 article in the online People's Daily, the famous American psychologist Dr. Raymond Moody tried to uncover the truth of death after studying the cases of 150 persons who had near-death experiences. And what did they experience?
Some heard the doctor declare their death, and felt extreme physical exhaustion. In the early stage of the "near-death experience," persons have a peaceful, serene, and pleasant feeling. At first, they felt pain, but this pain passed quickly, and then they found themselves suspended in darkness. When the soul left the body, they felt happy in spirit, and the pain remained in the physical body.
What were people afraid of when they faced death? First, they were afraid of the pain. Many people who committed suicide were not really afraid of death but the suffering. The second thing they were afraid of the unknown. They felt that the strangeness would bring insecurity and unfamiliarity. Third, they were afraid of being separated from the people and things they loved.
If we taught the dying patient that if they loved others, there was no separation. Love could transcend time and space and could connect them to those they love. With this knowledge, the fear of death might be less.
What kind of help was the most valuable for those facing death? During the most difficult, fearful, and helpless moments, help the dying to gain peace of mind and be able to leave without regret.
每个人都逃不过的那一刻：为什么人人都需要“临终关怀”？ 为了帮助大家更多认识临终关怀，李建平老师在微信平台上开设《通往再见的告白》系列共3堂讲座。 他以《每个人都逃不过的那一刻：为什么人人都需要“临终关怀”？》为题，从3个方面详细阐述。 一：面对死亡，多数人的反应是避讳，逃避，而产生恐惧 我们不想面对死亡，甚至逃避，但有时越逃避，会产生越大的恐惧，会形成心里极大的压力。我们真正面对它，反而可以不被影响。 事实上，人一出生死亡就隐藏在人的生命的深处，只是这个死亡的恐惧什么时候被激发而已。有人把死亡比作列车，沿途有很多站，但是终有一天会达到终点。并且死亡是对生命的提醒，让我们知道生命的时间是有限的，你不能浪费。 二：死亡的恐惧带给人的影响 首先是生命的影响：从身体的影响，因着我们对死亡的恐惧，社会中有很多过度治疗的现象。很多人得了癌症晚期，已经没有任何药和方法可以治疗，但是因为对死亡的恐惧，却采取各样放疗、化疗、手术等方式，不仅造成身体的疼痛的加剧，反而让生命缩短。 还有心灵，思想的压力产生很多痛苦，绝望，疼痛加剧；并且有些人选择自杀。 李建平老师讲了他亲人的例子，他姐夫的爸爸，多年前一直是胃不好，去医院检查，结果是胃癌。当天化验结果出来之后，他的姐夫赶紧去和伯伯们打电话，让他们来看看，说爸爸得的是癌症，医生说已经到了晚期，没有治疗的意义，而生存期应该还有5个月到一年之间。但是通知的时候不小心被爸爸听到。结果第二天早晨凌晨3点，老人走了，是怎么走的？不是癌症，是恐惧。 除了对身体心灵的层面之外，还有对关系，有时临终者和陪伴者会产生冲突。病人本身随着身体的疼痛，心里面进入恐惧，当然考虑不了别人的感受，所以就会容易看不见亲人对他的照顾，并且如果他和亲人有矛盾，所有都加在一起，以至于彼此伤害。 还有一个现象：对处理事务的影响。因为死亡的恐惧，家人不敢提。很多病人在世上对房产，遗愿啊，想法，避讳不提，等他身体彻底昏迷的时候，已经没办法处理。还有因为后续的比如葬在哪里，财产分配啊，伤葬费怎么分摊啊，这些没有处理，都会带来很多问题。 三：探索死亡，直面恐惧。 真正的恐惧来自于不知道。唯有真正面对死亡，知道它是什么，并且知道如何处理的时候，不那么可怕。 庄子之的妻子死了，死的时候，他就坐在棺材上，拿着一个盆去唱歌。庄子认为人从无形(出生前)到有形(出生后)再到无形(死去)回归自然，就像是春夏秋冬四季交替一样，循环往复。 古雅典的苏格拉底曾经有语录，对哲学家来说，死是最后的自我实现，是求之不得的事，灵魂从肉体的捆绑中出来，可以实现天国的境界。 2014年，人民网上，美国著名心理学家雷蒙德穆迪博士在研究过150个濒死体验者（经历过“临床死亡”后复生的人）的案例之后，试图为人们揭开死亡真相。而他们看到的真相是什么？ 有的亲耳听到医生宣告自己的死亡，他会感受到生理的衰竭达到极限。 也有“濒死体验”初期，有一种平和，安详，令人愉悦的感受，首先会感到疼痛，但是这个疼痛一闪而过，随后发现自己悬浮在黑暗维度中。当灵魂离开身体的时候他是有愉悦的感觉，而疼痛是在身体里。 对很多人自杀的来说，他们并不是真的怕死，而是怕痛苦。 第二个怕未知，陌生会带来不安全感，不习惯；也怕和自己爱的人及事物隔开。 要告诉临终患者：爱是可以超越时间和空间的，超越这一切之后，是可以连接上的。让他里面有知识，知道有爱，没有隔开。知道这个他就不会这么怕。 什么样的帮助是最有价值？就是在临终者最难，恐惧，无助的时候给与帮助，使临终者获得心灵平安，并且没有遗憾地离开。
To introduce the idea of hospice care, Mr. Li Jianping gave a series of three lectures on the theme of "From Confession to Goodbye" on WeChat.
In the first lecture titled The Moment You Can't Escape: Why Everyone Needs Hospice Care, Li shared that most people were fearful when it came to facing death. The tendency was to avoid thoughts of death and attempt to escape. But sometimes the more we tried to escape, the greater the fear and the greater the pressure was in our hearts. However, if we really faced death directly, the fear and pressure could be less.
In fact, the reality of death was hidden in the depths of our life from the moment we were born, but we did not know when the fear of death would overcome us. Some people compared death to a train ride. On the journey, there were many stops, but one day the train ride would end. And death was a reminder to those who were living; it let us know that life was short and not to be wasted.
Mr. Li talked about how the fear of death impacted us physically. Because of our fear of death, there were many examples of over-treatment. Many people had advanced cancer, and there was no medicine or method to treat it. But because of the fear of death and their desire to live on, they tried radiation, chemotherapy, surgery and other methods, which not only increased physical pain but may also shorten life.
The fear of death also affected us spiritually. Mental stress produced a lot of pain, despair, and increased suffering. There were also some people who could not endure the pain and the stress and chose to commit suicide.
Teacher Li gave an example. His brother-in-law’s father had gastritis for many years and later went to a big hospital to be examined. The diagnosis was stomach cancer. After the lab report came out that day, his brother-in-law hurriedly called his uncles to tell them to visit his father. He told them that his father’s cancer was advanced and there was no treatment. The prognosis was that he had five months to a year to live. His telephone call was accidentally heard by his father. As a result, the old man passed away at 3 am the next morning. How did he die? Not from cancer, but from fear.
A relationship that may be affected was that between the dying and his companion. Sometimes there would be conflict. Because of physical pain and the fear of death, the dying patient was unable to adequately pay attention to the love and care of their companion. If they had a history of conflict and did not understand each other well, they may hurt each other.
Teacher Li also discussed the impact that dealing with financial and legal details has on the patient and family. Because of the fear of death, the family and the patient may not talk about inheritance issues, final wishes, funeral expenses, where burial is to take place and funeral plans. When the patient was completely comatose, he could not deal with these issues and it might cause many problems.
Fear was exacerbated by a lack of knowledge. It was less scary when you actually faced death directly, knowing what it was and how to deal with it. Li shared an example that when Zhuang Zi's wife died, he sat on the coffin and took a pot to sing. He believed that people return to nature from the invisible (before birth) to the tangible (after birth) and then to the invisible (dead), just like the movement from one season to another.
Socrates in ancient Athens once said that for philosophers, death was the final act of self-realization and it was desirable for the soul to leave its physical bonds and go to the kingdom of heaven.
In a 2014 article in the online People's Daily, the famous American psychologist Dr. Raymond Moody tried to uncover the truth of death after studying the cases of 150 persons who had near-death experiences. And what did they experience?
Some heard the doctor declare their death, and felt extreme physical exhaustion. In the early stage of the "near-death experience," persons have a peaceful, serene, and pleasant feeling. At first, they felt pain, but this pain passed quickly, and then they found themselves suspended in darkness. When the soul left the body, they felt happy in spirit, and the pain remained in the physical body.
What were people afraid of when they faced death? First, they were afraid of the pain. Many people who committed suicide were not really afraid of death but the suffering. The second thing they were afraid of the unknown. They felt that the strangeness would bring insecurity and unfamiliarity. Third, they were afraid of being separated from the people and things they loved.
If we taught the dying patient that if they loved others, there was no separation. Love could transcend time and space and could connect them to those they love. With this knowledge, the fear of death might be less.
What kind of help was the most valuable for those facing death? During the most difficult, fearful, and helpless moments, help the dying to gain peace of mind and be able to leave without regret.
Why Does Everyone Need "Hospice Care”?
