Recently, Teacher Wang, a psychological counselor in East China, shared her faith journey and her distinct perspective on the role of a psychological counselor.
Teacher Wang became a Christian after she came into contact with marital harmony courses developed by Christian practitioners before her marriage. Out of her affection for Christians, she later married a Christian husband. She did not major in psychology at first, but she became interested after her involvement. With her Christian background, she changed her life through faith and study, intuitively recognizing her duty to offer guidance and support to a wider audience.
Among the visitors, there are many issues faced by the younger generation, in addition to the common problems such as depression, anxiety, and parent-child dynamics. The main manifestations are game addiction, weariness of learning, depression, anxiety, etc. The younger generation, in its collective vulnerability, shares the problems with the older generation.
On this topic, Ms. Wang believes that Gen Z is not lacking in material things but in the emotional part—being accompanied and emotionally nourished. They seem to be satisfied, but what they really need is not seen or met. They need to be concerned, listened to, and understood, and their hearts need to be nourished. Even people who look very self-centered lack such nourishment, which is why they strive to focus on their appearance. They dress themselves in an offbeat way just to be noticed and to prove their unique personality and value.
She called on society to pay more attention to the spiritual fullness of young people rather than blindly making them look excellent. In this respect, it is most necessary for parents and families to concern themselves with and care for their children, as families and parents have the greatest influence.
She has also seen in many social psychological counseling cases that it is difficult to give more direct counseling to young people with the separation of their family and parents. But at least within the one hour of counseling, the youngsters are completely listened to, understood, and not suppressed, which is emotional nourishment for them.
It is ethical not to directly talk about Christians, but she understands that Jesus' embrace, understanding, and unconditional love make her feel inner strength when confronted with these despondent young people or advisees. When they feel that they need not alter themselves and that they posses the choice to remain unaltered, the changes really happen. Otherwise, youthful rebellion and self-centeredness tend to surface.
Speaking of the achievements and challenges in psychological counseling, Ms. Wang said that the greatest sense of accomplishment is that her life changes have influenced other life changes. "In the counseling process, I could be sad or happy with them, and by such accompaniment, they are willing to open their heart in front of me. It is a pivotal and exceptionally precious moment."
The biggest challenge is that even professional psychological counselors will grapple with the exhaustion of life and encounter some difficult cases. They are not easy, either.
Regarding how psychological counselors face the exhaustion of life, Ms. Wang shared that they grapple daily with a barrage of negative experiences, occasionally struggling to digest them fully. During such moments, it is particularly important to connect their hearts with God and learn to entrust their concerns to Him. In addition, psychological counselors cannot isolate themselves and should have the support of their partners. There will be a fixed time every week to discuss cases. Different consultants in the group will provide some solutions from different perspectives. If they cannot solve the problems, they are not hesitant to seek guidance and assistance.
Regarding counseling, she has a saying in her heart: Look inward, look up, look at the relationship, and then look at the world. "When confronted with issues, we often want to solve them directly, but we have not handled our hearts well and connected with God, so it is invalid to directly deal with the matter. We must introspect, discern our emotions, and articulate our needs when adversity strikes. We should discuss these with God, who will accept us and make us calm, so that we can face them differently and bravely."
Taking her own experience as an example, she said that individual health precedes relationship harmony, with the latter contributing to the overall health of the individuals involved. This process constitutes a cyclical dynamic. "I once lost myself within the confines of my family, assuming the roles of wife and mother without valuing my own significance. Subsequently, I realized that women in similar situations tend to lead arduous lives marked by a bad ending. Or they would be isolated, and no one cares whether she is happy or not. Their children may be physically healthy, yet they are not necessarily mentally healthy, as an isolated mother can only give the children an isolated life."
In the face of psychological needs, Ms. Wang believes that Christians should pay special attention to their own lives in addition to the psychological consultation certificate. "The deeper your life goes into the darkness, the better you can accompany the visitors into their lives."
She also reminded us in particular that we must know that we are not saviors but seekers. "We are often eager to solve problems and want to be saviors, but psychological counselors are not saviors, nor are church counselors. The role of Savior belongs solely to God. But we can interact with them, accompany them, listen to them, and understand them with the love of Jesus Christ. Just as Dr. Wei-Jen Huang (Dr. Love) said, 'Listening is love, and understanding is healing.'"
- Translated by Oliver Zuo
近日，华东一心理辅导师王老师分享了她的信仰经历以及她在做心理辅导师过程中的心得。
王老师成为基督徒源于在婚前接触了一些基督徒做的夫妻关系和谐的课程，出于对信仰的好感，后面也嫁给了基督徒的老公。她一开始并不是从事心理学这个专业的，但是在接触了后就对心理学感兴趣了。在信仰的背景下，她作为基督徒通过信仰和学习，自身的生命被改变，所以自然而然就感到自己有负担进入到咨询辅导帮助更多的人群。
在王老师接待的来访者中，除了老生常谈的抑郁、焦虑、亲子关系问题等，年轻一代面临的议题比较多。主要表现为，游戏成瘾、厌学、抑郁、焦虑等等，可以说当下不少成年人有的问题自己的下一代也都有。
对此话题，王老师认为，Gen Z物质上不缺乏，但是真正缺乏的是情感部分——被陪伴和情感的滋养。他们的需要看起来被满足了，但是其实他们真正需要的没被看见和满足。他们需要被关注、被倾听、被理解，内心需要被滋养。即便是看上去很自我的人，也是内心很匮乏的原因导致，所以他们在外在上努力打造自己。他们把自己打扮的很另类，就是为了被关注，为了证明我和别人不一样、我是有价值的。
她呼吁社会多关注年轻人的心灵充盈，而不是一味的让他们变得看起来很优秀。在这方面，父母和家庭关注和关怀他们是最需要的，因为家庭和父母的影响力最大。
她也在自己接手过的很多社会心理咨询的案例中看到，因为隔着家庭和父母，再多直接对年轻人的辅导也是很难的，但是至少在寻求咨询的1个小时内，他是完全被倾听、被理解的，也不被打压的，这对他们来说，也是一种情感上的滋养。
因为秉持伦理操守是不会直接谈论信仰，但对信仰的理解让她在面对这些内心有苦闷的年轻人或者咨询者的时候，她感到内心的力量还是来源于耶稣接纳、理解和无条件的爱。而当一个人感觉到不是我非要改变，而是我也可以不改变的时候，反而改变就发生了，不然反而会更容易被激发出那种叛逆、自我就会出现。
说起透过心理咨询帮助到需要的人的成就和挑战，王老师说，最大的成就感是因为自己的生命改变影响了另外的生命的改变，“在咨询的过程中陪他难过，陪他喜乐，陪伴一个人，他愿意在我们面前敞开心，那是很精心的时刻，也是很宝贵的时刻。”
而最大的挑战就是即使是专业的心理咨询师，也会面临自己生命枯竭的时候，以及遇到比较难的一些个案，都并不是容易的。
关于心理咨询师如何面对生命的枯干和枯竭，王老师分享说，心理咨询师每天会面对很多负面消极的东西，却没办法消化，这时，自己内心和上帝的连接就显得尤为重要，学习要把这些难题带到上帝面前；除此之外，心理咨询师不能独立飞翔，需要有伙伴的支持；每周会有固定的时间，探讨个案，咨询师小组的不同咨询师会从不同的视角提供一些方案，实在解决不了的会请老师指导和帮助。
关于辅导，她的内心有这样一句话：先向内看，再向上看，再向关系看，再向世界看。“我们面对问题往往想着直接解决问题，但是自己的内心还没处理好，没和上帝连接好，所以处理那个事情是无效的。当发生一件事情的时候， 我的情绪是什么，我的感受是什么，我的需要是什么，拿着这些来到上帝面前倾诉，上帝接纳我们的样子，我的情绪平静了，再去面对事情和关系就变得不一样。”
她以自己的经历举例子说到，先是个体的健康才会带来关系的健康，关系的健康会让个体更加健康，这是一个循环。“在家庭里面很长时间我没有自己，完全只是妻子和母亲的角色，我觉得我不重要。但是我发现这样的女性要么过的很辛苦还没有好的结果；要么就是隔离的，她开不开心不重要，只要孩子健康就好，夫妻关系好就好，但是孩子不一定好，因为隔离的人带出来的关系也是隔离的。”
而面对社会人群判断的心理需要，王老师认为，基督徒除了有心理咨询的证书之外，还要特别注意自身生命的改变。“你的生命进入到黑暗的深处多深，你才能陪伴来访者进入到他的生命深处有多深。”
她还特别提醒说，我们一定要知道自己并非是拯救者，而是要寻求那一位。“我们很多时候急于解决问题，很想成为拯救者，但是心理咨询师不是拯救者，教会辅导人员也不是拯救者，只有上帝才是拯救者。但是我们可以用耶稣基督的爱与他们互动，陪伴、倾听、理解他们。就像黄维仁博士所说的‘’倾听就是爱，了解中有医治。”
一位基督徒心里辅导师的服侍心得：倾听就是爱，了解中有医治
Recently, Teacher Wang, a psychological counselor in East China, shared her faith journey and her distinct perspective on the role of a psychological counselor.
Teacher Wang became a Christian after she came into contact with marital harmony courses developed by Christian practitioners before her marriage. Out of her affection for Christians, she later married a Christian husband. She did not major in psychology at first, but she became interested after her involvement. With her Christian background, she changed her life through faith and study, intuitively recognizing her duty to offer guidance and support to a wider audience.
Among the visitors, there are many issues faced by the younger generation, in addition to the common problems such as depression, anxiety, and parent-child dynamics. The main manifestations are game addiction, weariness of learning, depression, anxiety, etc. The younger generation, in its collective vulnerability, shares the problems with the older generation.
On this topic, Ms. Wang believes that Gen Z is not lacking in material things but in the emotional part—being accompanied and emotionally nourished. They seem to be satisfied, but what they really need is not seen or met. They need to be concerned, listened to, and understood, and their hearts need to be nourished. Even people who look very self-centered lack such nourishment, which is why they strive to focus on their appearance. They dress themselves in an offbeat way just to be noticed and to prove their unique personality and value.
She called on society to pay more attention to the spiritual fullness of young people rather than blindly making them look excellent. In this respect, it is most necessary for parents and families to concern themselves with and care for their children, as families and parents have the greatest influence.
She has also seen in many social psychological counseling cases that it is difficult to give more direct counseling to young people with the separation of their family and parents. But at least within the one hour of counseling, the youngsters are completely listened to, understood, and not suppressed, which is emotional nourishment for them.
It is ethical not to directly talk about Christians, but she understands that Jesus' embrace, understanding, and unconditional love make her feel inner strength when confronted with these despondent young people or advisees. When they feel that they need not alter themselves and that they posses the choice to remain unaltered, the changes really happen. Otherwise, youthful rebellion and self-centeredness tend to surface.
Speaking of the achievements and challenges in psychological counseling, Ms. Wang said that the greatest sense of accomplishment is that her life changes have influenced other life changes. "In the counseling process, I could be sad or happy with them, and by such accompaniment, they are willing to open their heart in front of me. It is a pivotal and exceptionally precious moment."
The biggest challenge is that even professional psychological counselors will grapple with the exhaustion of life and encounter some difficult cases. They are not easy, either.
Regarding how psychological counselors face the exhaustion of life, Ms. Wang shared that they grapple daily with a barrage of negative experiences, occasionally struggling to digest them fully. During such moments, it is particularly important to connect their hearts with God and learn to entrust their concerns to Him. In addition, psychological counselors cannot isolate themselves and should have the support of their partners. There will be a fixed time every week to discuss cases. Different consultants in the group will provide some solutions from different perspectives. If they cannot solve the problems, they are not hesitant to seek guidance and assistance.
Regarding counseling, she has a saying in her heart: Look inward, look up, look at the relationship, and then look at the world. "When confronted with issues, we often want to solve them directly, but we have not handled our hearts well and connected with God, so it is invalid to directly deal with the matter. We must introspect, discern our emotions, and articulate our needs when adversity strikes. We should discuss these with God, who will accept us and make us calm, so that we can face them differently and bravely."
Taking her own experience as an example, she said that individual health precedes relationship harmony, with the latter contributing to the overall health of the individuals involved. This process constitutes a cyclical dynamic. "I once lost myself within the confines of my family, assuming the roles of wife and mother without valuing my own significance. Subsequently, I realized that women in similar situations tend to lead arduous lives marked by a bad ending. Or they would be isolated, and no one cares whether she is happy or not. Their children may be physically healthy, yet they are not necessarily mentally healthy, as an isolated mother can only give the children an isolated life."
In the face of psychological needs, Ms. Wang believes that Christians should pay special attention to their own lives in addition to the psychological consultation certificate. "The deeper your life goes into the darkness, the better you can accompany the visitors into their lives."
She also reminded us in particular that we must know that we are not saviors but seekers. "We are often eager to solve problems and want to be saviors, but psychological counselors are not saviors, nor are church counselors. The role of Savior belongs solely to God. But we can interact with them, accompany them, listen to them, and understand them with the love of Jesus Christ. Just as Dr. Wei-Jen Huang (Dr. Love) said, 'Listening is love, and understanding is healing.'"
- Translated by Oliver Zuo
Christian Psychological Counselor: Listening Is Love, Understanding Is Healing
